On It, Boss!
by LMSgrl
Summary: A series of one-shots and episode tags, from "Yankee White" onward. Most are centered around my favorite two characters, Gibbs and Tony, and their father/son relationship, but may venture into some scenes between other characters as well. My first venture into fan fiction, and a way to pass the time during rerun season.
1. Chapter 1 - You Did What, Boss?

**Yankee White – "You Did What, Boss?"**

Tony was putting in the finishing touches on his paperwork so they could wrap up their most recent case, one that had involved the poisoning deaths of two Naval officers and an attempt on the President of the United States aboard Air Force One. The case had been unusual, and had required Tony to go above and beyond, but since coming to work for one Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs almost two years ago, Tony had learned that there was no such thing as a "usual" case anymore in his world. He carefully adjusted his position, still sore from being unceremoniously dumped out of the trunk of FBI Agent Fornell's car on his butt in the middle of the Beltway. He supposed he could now add posing as a dead body to the list of crazy things he'd done since coming to NCIS. Tony smiled slightly at the thought, musing that the boys back in Baltimore would never believe him even if he tried to tell them that story. Lost in his reverie, he failed to hear his boss coming up behind him until…

"Dinozzo!"

"Yes, Boss!" Tony was only slightly startled, but recovered quickly. Gibbs had an uncanny ability to sneak up behind people, but Agent Dinozzo was finally learning to expect it. One of these days, he was going to learn to detect his boss' presence and beat him at his own game.

"When you wrap up your paperwork, I need you to clear everything out of the spare desk."

Tony was a bit taken aback by this order. Since Agent Blackadder had been let go, her desk had been used to collect everything from office supplies to cold case files they were working on. He'd gotten quite used to not only using the space as storage, but to there not being another agent stationed across from him.

"Something you aren't telling me, Gibbs?"

Gibbs paused ever-so-slightly, almost imperceptibly bracing himself, a gesture that would go largely unnoticed to anyone who didn't know him very well. Agent Dinozzo, however, would normally have caught the brief expression had he not been taken so by surprise at the directive he'd been given. Then, as nonchalantly as possible, Gibbs replied, "I offered former Secret Service Agent Todd a position on our team. She's gonna need to sit somewhere."

"You did _what, _Boss?" The younger agent really hadn't meant for his voice to squeak so much on the "what." In fact, he realized too late that he'd come across sounding more like a petulant child than an NCIS Special Agent just now. Gibbs merely fixed one of his famous stares on Tony, the one that indicated that his boss was not in the mood to repeat himself. In an effort to salvage what remained of his professionalism at the moment, Tony quickly nodded and added an even "I mean, I'm on it, Boss."

"Good. Going for coffee." With that, Special Agent Gibbs was heading for his part-time office, otherwise known as the elevator.

Tony sat there for a moment, trying to process the news he'd just received. Logically, he knew that he and Gibbs couldn't function forever as a two-man team and would eventually need to fill the opening created by the dismissal of Agent Blackadder. He also knew that Caitlyn Todd had the potential to be a good agent and partner, at least on paper. She had to be smart to be a Secret Service agent, adding to that her relatively young age and the fact that she was a female in a profession still dominated by males. It was certainly impressive. So, why did he suddenly feel so unsettled? Well, he reasoned, Agent Todd had also struck him as bossy, uptight, and somewhat humorless. And what was with Gibbs being so overly polite with her? Abby had noted that he'd even said "please" when asking her if he could tag along on Air Force One. Gibbs never said "please." This couldn't be good. He pushed down the other troublesome thoughts that were threatening to make themselves known, convincing himself that he was merely concerned about how Agent Todd would be able to adjust to being an NCIS agent and to working for Gibbs, who was certain not to maintain his former politeness with her for very long. He was just looking out for the team, that was all.

And he was disappointed. He'd always secretly hoped Gibbs would fill the open slot with a green young agent fresh out of FLETC, someone he could train, haze, take under his wing. Sort of like the "little brothers" he'd had in his college fraternity. Those had been the happiest times of his life, when he'd finally felt like he belonged somewhere, like he was admired, respected, looked up to, maybe even loved, in a way. It was a feeling he'd never really found again. People had always ended up letting him down. He had just started to feel a tiny bit of that sense of belonging again at NCIS, but now things were changing, and he was inclined to believe that Caitlin Todd was going to upset the apple cart. He had a good thing going with Gibbs and he didn't want to ruin it. Maybe he hadn't quite reached the place of "belonging," but at least he trusted the man, and after the disaster in Baltimore, that counted for a lot.

Still, he recalled with a mixture of relief and anxiety that his two-year anniversary with NCIS was coming up soon. And he still hadn't removed all of his personal belongings from storage yet. It was always good to be prepared.

* * *

As the elevator doors slid to a close, Leroy Jethro Gibbs took a deep breath. To be honest, he'd been nervous about telling Tony that Agent Todd would be joining their team, and even now he would not necessarily say that the revelation had gone particularly well.

Anthony Dinozzo was the most promising agent he'd ever had on his team. He was also by far the most difficult to figure out. Oh, he'd known from the beginning that there was a lot more to the young man than the frat-boy image he showed to the world. For one thing, he hadn't really adopted the frat-boy persona fully until he actually showed up for work officially at NCIS. When Gibbs had worked with him in Baltimore, he'd been a bit different, but that was before discovering the partner he'd trusted was dirty and the woman he'd loved hadn't loved him back enough to spend the rest of her life with him. The change in him was noticeable immediately to Gibbs, who initially thought that the kid just needed a change, along with some time. Now, however, the older man realized that it was likely that neither of the first two versions of Tony Dinozzo he'd encountered had been the "real" man. Tony had a mask for every situation, hiding a multitude of insecurities and Gibbs had a feeling that in two years' time, he'd still barely scratched the surface.

When they'd lost Blackadder, Gibbs knew they'd eventually have to fill her spot, but he had delayed it, rejecting every "probie" Director Morrow had offered him. He was tired of going through short-term agents, and he wasn't adding anyone else to his team that he hadn't at least personally approved. Handpicking Dinozzo had worked out exceptionally well and he secretly hoped that, in time, a similar opportunity would present itself. Meanwhile, Dinozzo had done an admirable job adjusting to the increased workload, coming in late nights, working weekends, all without more than a cursory complaint. They had actually functioned remarkably efficiently with just the two of them, but it wasn't fair to Dinozzo to expect that for the long-term. Contrary to his reputation, Agent Gibbs really did want his agents to have a life outside NCIS. It was enough to have a team leader who spent his nights in his basement with a bottle of bourbon, but Dinozzo was still young. He should be living his life, meeting women, someday settling down and having a family. He was not about to be the one to take that opportunity away from the younger man.

However, he'd also known instinctively that Dinozzo wouldn't see it that way. From Tony's reaction, he surmised that he'd been right. While Tony was a master at schooling his expression, Gibbs was beginning to learn that he could read the younger man's true feelings in the brief moment of initial reaction. And in that moment, before the well-rehearsed "On it, Boss" he'd eventually received, Gibbs hadn't liked what he saw. He read the expression as a mixture of fear, insecurity, and even hurt.

Now, interpreting the meaning behind Dinozzo's fleeting expressions was something Gibbs hadn't quite mastered. He'd guessed at the source of the hurt pretty easily. Tony was hurt that Gibbs hadn't asked for his opinion. He was probably right about that, Gibbs conceded. With his years in law enforcement, Tony probably would have had some valuable insight, but really he was under no obligation to consult with his subordinate on his hiring practices, was he? He'd decided he wanted Caitlyn Todd on his team almost immediately. He liked her spirit and her fearlessness in standing up to him. Tony had displayed those same qualities when they'd first worked together. He started training her in the finer points of investigating without her even realizing why at first, sharing some of his "rules," teaching her about how to handle a crime scene, handle evidence. How convenient that she'd had to resign from the Secret Service. It had certainly made things easy for him. It was a bit troubling that she'd broken the rules, but he'd make Rule 12 crystal clear for her. After her last experience, he had no real concern that she'd be ready to try a relationship with a colleague anytime soon anyway.

The fear, the insecurity he'd seen on Tony's face – that bothered him much more. Dinozzo was a trained investigator, one of the best he'd ever worked with. And in addition, he had a talent for putting pieces together that no one else could see. His mind made the connections that needed to be made to tie together seemly unrelated facts, and he was better at this than anyone Gibbs had ever worked with. Agent Todd, on the other hand, was a profiler. Their skills were complementary. Couldn't Dinozzo see that she was no threat to his place on the team?

Tony was a professional. He'd get over this. Still, there was a nagging in Gibbs' gut, one that reminded him of Dinozzo's propensity to cut ties and move on every couple of years, before he got too close. And Tony's two-year anniversary was fast approaching. He hadn't quite gotten out in time in Baltimore and had been deeply hurt, and Gibbs had a feeling that experience, still somewhat fresh in Tony's mind, would further work against his efforts to encourage Tony to put down his roots with NCIS. If he sensed a problem, even an imaginary one, that may be enough to send him looking elsewhere.

Gibbs wasn't quite sure what to do. So he decided to pay a visit to the person he often turned to when faced with an interpersonal dilemma. When he returned from his coffee run, he'd pay a visit to Ducky.

* * *

Steaming hot coffee in hand, Gibbs strolled through the automatic doors into autopsy where his friend and colleague sat studying a case file.

"Oh, hello, Jethro. I suppose you've come to fill me in on the newest addition to your team?"

"Let me guess. Abby told you."

Ducky let out a small chuckle. "Yes, Abigail is quite excited by the news. I believe she said something about 'girl power.' It seems she already has big plans for Miss Todd and herself."

"At least things are starting out better this time than with Dinozzo." Gibbs never learned exactly what had taken place between Abby and Tony during their first meeting, but he had spent a fortune in Caf-Pows trying to convince the forensic scientist to give his new agent another chance. It was rare for Abby to form a negative first impression of anyone, but when she did it was nearly impossible to change her mind. To Dinozzo's credit, while he had a unique ability to annoy and anger people, he also had an equally unique charm when he wanted to. Somehow, he'd managed to not only earn a second chance from Abby, but to become one of her favorite people. Yet another puzzle about Dinozzo he was still trying to solve.

"Speaking of Anthony, I am quite curious as to how he responded to the news."

"Didn't say too much, Duck."

"Hm. I must say, I am rather unused to hearing that particular complaint in regards to our Anthony. You, perhaps…"

"Yeah, well, I guess I didn't really give him a chance to say too much."

"Well, what did your infamous gut tell you?"

"That he wasn't too happy with me," Gibbs sighed.

"Oh, I very much doubt that he is upset with you. The young man looks up to you a great deal. I would surmise that he has some doubts about Agent Todd. And of course there is the young man's persistent insecurity, of which I know you are well aware."

"Do you have doubts about Agent Todd?"

"Well, no, not about her ability. Perhaps a few curiosities pertaining to how her presence will affect our little family. Ms. Todd will not hesitate to disagree with either Tony or with you, Jethro. And I am not quite certain as to how she will react to Dinozzo's sometimes rather juvenile antics. She is used to a very different working environment. It will likely take some adjusting for everyone."

"I don't like 'yes men'"

"Or 'yes women''?

"You know what I mean. Dinozzo wasn't afraid of me either and he's worked out ok."

"Yes, for the most part, I'd say better than just 'ok.' But you remember how competitive Anthony was when you had other agents on your team. He seems to have a deep-seated fear of being outdone, or worse yet, replaced. And you know how much importance the young man places on your good opinion. Agent Todd's background must be somewhat troublesome for him. She isn't a trained investigator, but she certainly isn't a Probie, either."

"She's a profiler. It's a different skill set, one we could use. I'm not lookin' to replace anybody."

"I, of course, know that, Jethro. But however irrational, Anthony has a need to be your best agent at everything. I am afraid he fears becoming irrelevant to you."

"You know, he's never taken all his stuff out of storage."

"Really?"

"That's between you and me. He has no idea that I know that."

"Oh, you can trust me Jethro. I won't breathe a word of it. Do you think he is considering leaving us?"

"I really don't know, Duck. He does have a history. I thought I might be getting him to trust us, but I can't keep us a two-man team for much longer. Morrow is breathing down my neck to fill that position and I want to have a say. Agent Todd has a lot of potential. I can't hurt my team because my agent might get his feelings hurt."

"No, of course not."

"You know how lousy I am with touchy-feely stuff. Any suggestions?"

"Do nothing."

"Seriously, Duck? I came all the way down here for that?"

At this, combined with the expression of dismay on Agent Gibbs' face, Ducky smiled and replied, "The worst thing you can do is to start to treat Anthony differently. You know how uncomfortable he gets when he believes you are being too nice to him, and if you are any harsher, well, that would be unbearable as well I'm afraid. And you don't want to drive away Agent Todd before she even begins."

Gibbs looked unconvinced so Ducky added, "Have a little faith, Jethro. Perhaps it will all work out even better than you'd hoped."

A frustrated Gibbs turned to leave, muttering to himself about how Dinozzo should have come with an instruction manual. At this, Doctor Mallard sadly replied, to no one in particular, "Ah, Jethro, I fear there has never been anyone in that young man's life who would be qualified to write one."


	2. Chapter 2 - Fallen

**First, I want to say "thank you" to everyone who reviewed, followed, and favorited this story. I have a new appreciation for all Fan Fiction writers. This is not easy!**

**The second chapter is filler for Season 1, Episode 2 "Hung Out To Dry." It's a topic that has been covered before, but Tony being pushed out of an airplane was just toooooo good to pass up. Hope you enjoy!**

**Fallen**

Gibbs observed that the E/R was unusually busy tonight. If he were a superstitious man, he might wonder if there was a full moon out, judging by the sheer number of freakish accidents, one of which had been responsible for bringing him here. A few years ago, he'd have had no idea what a "typical" night at the local Emergency Room was supposed to look like, but of course that had been "B.D." Before Dinozzo.

He'd just stepped outside to get some air when he heard the familiar ring of his cell. Sighing, he pulled out the phone to see if it was another call from ex-wife #3 posing as his "unidentified caller." Holding the phone as far away as his arm would reach, he was finally able to make out the familiar name. Abby. Deep breath.

"He's fine, Abbs."

"Gibbs! He fell out of a _plane_! I mean, how do you just fall out of a plane? You didn't push him did you? Never mind, you would never do that. Even though you_ have_ threatened to push him out of a moving vehicle. And threatened to shoot him a couple of times. But of course you would never actually do it. Gibbs, are you sure he's ok? Tell me he's ok."

"Sprained his ankle and a got few scrapes. They're about to release him."

"That's good. But he could have _died_. How can you be so calm?"

"Comes with the job, Abby. Doesn't mean I don't care. You know that."

"I know, Gibbs. Give Tony a big….no, wait, don't do that. That would, like, totally, freak him out. Just tell Tony I was worried about him."

"Will do." Hopefully, Tony wouldn't be too sore; because otherwise that inevitable bone-crushing hug from Abby was gonna hurt.

Calm. The irony of Abby's use of that word finally struck him. He could use a lot of words to describe the past few hours, but "calm" was most certainly not one of them. Were he being completely honest with himself, he'd have to admit to being absolutely terrified when he'd seen Tony fall out of that plane. Until he saw Tony's chute open, he'd been frozen in shock and fear.

Then there had been the waiting while the search team looked for him. It had given him time to think. In his effort to act "normal" with Tony, according to Ducky's recent advice, he realized he'd thoroughly lived up to his second "b."

He'd given Tony a hard time about wanting to jump. He enjoyed teasing the younger man, but he'd also felt a genuine anxiety. Dinozzo was a magnet for trouble. Sometimes he asked for trouble, ticking people off to the point that he ended up with a punch to the nose. And sometimes, he was just accident prone. If anything weird was going to happen, it was probably going to happen to Dinozzo. Perhaps that was the reason for the strange overly protective streak he had unintentionally formed for the younger man.

Then there had been the insults.

"_Are you sure you were a cop in Baltimore?" "Where did you learn how to write, China?" "Where do you think you're going, Bubba?"_

He heard each verbal jab in his head as if someone else had spoken the words. Not that insults were anything new between them, and Tony usually took them in stride, even giving it right back sometimes. But he'd said these things in front of Kate, and she hadn't been around them long enough to yet understand their strange form of communication. He realized he'd laid it on a bit too thick when he heard Kate ask Tony how he got into NCIS. Did Agent Todd really think he'd keep someone on his team who wasn't competent? More importantly, did Tony think so?

Agent Todd had been on the job only a couple of days, and already things with Dinozzo were headed downhill fast. Thing is, she had done a great job on her first case, and Tony knew it. And now, even though he'd done nothing wrong, he was likely to feel embarrassed over the incident in the plane.

Gibbs hoped Agent Todd had at least already gone home by the time he and Tony headed back to NCIS headquarters. No sense in an injured Tony having his pride wounded too.

* * *

"So, is he ok?" Caitlyn Todd, as well as everyone else still in the building at NCIS headquarters, had heard about Tony's little "accident." She had stuck around awaiting news, though they had all been reasonably reassured already that Tony had been able to open his parachute and was likely not too seriously injured.

"Yeah just a little banged up. Poor Tony! Weird stuff like this always happens to him. Like he's cursed!" Abby seemed at once both bothered and fascinated by that prospect.

"Really? I can't say it surprises me. What's his story, anyway? How on Earth did he wind up on Gibbs' team or a Federal Agent at all?"

Abby bristled a bit at Kate's tone. She really liked the other woman and had felt an immediate connection with her, but for the first time she found herself just slightly annoyed. "Tony is very good at what he does, one of the best. Gibbs doesn't tolerate anything less than that on his team."

Kate frowned. "I'm sorry, Abby. I didn't mean anything by it. He just strikes me as such a….jock."

"Don't ever underestimate Tony. I made that mistake too at first, but he's a lot more complicated than he seems."

"I'll take your word for it. For the record, I am glad he didn't die or anything, you know." Kate really hadn't meant to offend her new friend. Obviously, Abby and Tony were close. She would have to try to choose her words more carefully in the future, particularly in front of the forensic scientist. Sweet as Abby was, she had the impression that a person wouldn't want to be on Ms. Sciuto's bad side.

"Yeah, me too. What a weird case."

"Think I'm gonna head out. I'm exhausted. Please tell Agent Dinozzo…" At this Agent Todd paused. What exactly would be the proper thing to say in this situation? She barely knew Tony Dinozzo and at least half of their conversations so far had consisted of trading barbs.

"Tell Tony what, Kate?"

"Just tell him I'm glad he's ok and I'll see him tomorrow."

* * *

"You need to try to stay off this ankle as much as you can for the next couple of days. How is the pain? Do you need a prescription?"

"No!" Tony answered a little too quickly. He already _felt_ like an idiot, but he certainly wasn't going to let himself actually become one by taking prescription painkillers. He'd been there before. In front of his boss once. Definitely not one of his finer moments. Miss Prissy Caitlin Todd was certainly not going to see him like that. Not ever if he could help it.

"Ok. Wait here just a few more minutes while we get your release paperwork ready."

He was glad he didn't have to stay in the E/R any longer, but now he was faced with having to go back to work and face his colleagues after yet another trip to the hospital. He'd not exactly been impressive on this case, naturally the first one he had the "privilege" of working with his new teammate. Forget trying to impress her with his investigative skills, much less impressing Gibbs enough to consider making him the Senior Field Agent on the team any time soon. He'd acted like he didn't even know what "opiates" were. Naturally, Ms. Todd knew _all _about them. What would they have done without her there to save the day?

Then, in an effort to impress both of them, he'd scribbled out his reports so fast that Gibbs couldn't read them, and subsequently been left behind to rewrite them while Gibbs took Kate into the field.

And now he'd very _not _gracefully "fallen" out of a plane. Kate was probably laughing at him this very moment.

_How did you get into NCIS?_

Well, that was the question, wasn't it? The one he'd felt every other agent around him wondering when he'd first joined Gibbs' team. The one he still asked himself on days like today. At the time, he'd really thought Gibbs saw something in him. "You don't waste good." It was even a rule. Now he found himself wondering with more frequency if Gibbs had just felt sorry for him after what happened with Danny in Baltimore.

"Ready to check out, Mr. Dinozzo?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

Finally, Gibbs spotted Tony limping out of the E/R, paperwork in hand. He managed to catch Tony's eye and noted the surprise when he eyed his boss.

"Gibbs. You really didn't have to wait here. I'm fine. I could've called a cab."

"I ever ditch you in the E/R before, Dinozzo?"

Tony considered the statement. No, his boss had pretty much accompanied him on every trip to the Emergency Room, however great or small, since he'd come to work for him. He figured it must be one of the more obscure NCIS regulations he'd somehow failed to note during his probationary period.

Satisfied that Tony was treating his question as the rhetorical one it was meant to be, Gibbs added, "C'mon, we've still got reports to finish."

* * *

Leroy Jethro Gibbs had once decided that one of the worst fates which could befall a man of few words such as himself was to be stuck in a car with one particularly garrulous Anthony Dinozzo. He was now revising that theory. It was far worse to be stuck in a car with an Anthony Dinozzo that didn't speak at all.

Tony had been staring out the window since they'd left the hospital, not uttering a single word. How many times in the past had he wished Dinozzo would shut up for a few minutes? Now, he realized that it was going to be up to him, of all people, to break the silence. Clearly he had been right about Tony feeling embarrassed.

"It wasn't your fault, Tony. That could've happened to anyone. Could've happened to _me._"

Tony was pulled from his thoughts with a start. Was his boss, Agent Gibbs, ex-marine,….actually trying to make him _feel _better? Now he was truly horrified. Gibbs didn't miss the brief but incredulous glance from his agent.

Doing what he always did when feeling uncomfortable, the younger man tried deflecting with humor. "Well, I was _dying _to jump out of a plane, Boss. Guess I asked for it."

Something about the use of the word "dying" brought back the brief images that had assaulted Gibbs' mind before Tony had been found. Images of his agent mangled and bleeding, on the ground or hanging from a tree. The older man physically gave his head an ever-so-slight shake to rid himself once again of those thoughts. After a few moments of silence, Gibbs quietly observed, "You could have broken your neck tonight."

It was so quiet that Tony had to question if he'd heard it at all. It seemed as if the words, coming from his boss, should have contained a hint of ridicule or at least a touch of reproach, but instead Tony could have sworn he heard instead a trace of something that might be identified as genuine concern. The young agent was unsure how to react. He'd never been quite comfortable with any type of open display of affection or care, actions which invited comparisons with his father, a man who used his infamous charm to manipulate people. But Gibbs wasn't like his father, of that he was certain. If Gibbs had shown a rare emotion, it had to be real. At the same time, Tony knew better than to read too much into people. He'd been burned before, mistaking a coach or a superior or even a colleague for a true friend. Likely, the ex-Marine was simply displaying his loyalty to those he considered "his" people from his time in the corps. He'd seen plenty of that in his time with NCIS, one of the many reason he admired Gibbs and his fellow Marines. It probably wasn't personal. Still, the simple gesture lifted Tony's spirits just enough that he realized he felt less of that sense of dread when they approached NCIS Headquarters.

Gibbs, too, felt uncomfortable, wondering if he'd just come across more like a worried parent than an NCIS Lead Special Agent. Breaking the silence, and hopefully shifting the subject, he added, "By the way, you might want to brace yourself for Abby. She's waiting for you. Made me promise to tell you how worried she was about you. You know what that means."

* * *

Abby had practically tackled him, and then rather brutally smacked him on his sore right arm. Then she'd leaned in with a wicked smile, out of earshot of Gibbs, and whispered, "So what was it really like? Was it totally exhilarating? "

"Totally."

"That's SO cool!" Yeah, I guess it was sort of cool, thought Dinozzo with a smile.

"So, uh, is Agent Todd still around or did she already leave."

"Oh she left an hour ago."

"Mm. That's too bad." Tony almost managed to sound sincerely disappointed. Almost.

"Night, Tony. And you _better_ take it easy on that ankle, mister."

"Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

The bullpen was quiet except for the sound of the TV, and empty except for the presence of Gibbs and Dinozzo.

"Are we ever gonna make the 11:00 news?"

"Could've happened tonight if you'd have broken your neck."

At the reminder of his boss' earlier words, Tony turned and smiled, regarding Gibbs for a moment. The man was even more of an enigma to him now than ever. But it had been a long day and an even longer night, and right now it was just too much for Tony to try to analyze.

Tony didn't notice his boss watching him as he limped toward the elevator. Gibbs couldn't help the fond smile that briefly appeared watching his young agent painfully make his way out of the bullpen. He'd decided he didn't regret what he'd said. For all the turmoil Agent Todd's appearance may have caused, he couldn't help feeling that perhaps the barrier he'd so carefully constructed between himself and his agents was starting to crumble. And he suspected if anyone could get through that barrier, it would be Very Special Agent Anthony Dinozzo.


	3. Chapter 3 - Karma

**This is an episode tag based on the episode "Seadog," and will center on an interaction between Kate and Tony, so no Gibbs in this one, but he will be discussed. This one is also a bit shorter.**

**In response to a reviewer who wondered where I was headed with Kate's character, I have to admit to not being a huge fan of hers. However, I know she was loved by many and will do my best to give her a fair treatment. It is my theory that Kate didn't truly even begin to "get" Tony until SWAK, and sadly we never got to really see what type of change in their interactions that would've led to. So, fair warning here, that will be the approach I'll be taking with her character in regards to Tony.**

**Karma**

"Can I ask you a question?" Gibbs had just left, making it a rare early night for the Lead Agent, and leaving Kate and Tony alone in the bullpen.

Tony smirked. "No, Kate, I haven't had any work done." With his cheekiest smile he added, "I really am naturally this smart _and _good-looking."

"Are you ever serious?"

"_That _was your question?"

She was quickly becoming exasperated. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, but she'd started it and there was no way Dinozzo was going to let it go now. Besides, she was truly worried about how badly she'd screwed up, and she reasoned that if there was an expert anywhere to be found on screwing up on Gibbs' team, he was sitting right across from her.

"On a scale of one to ten, how ticked is Gibbs at me?"

"Depends." With that, Tony went back to typing his report.

She waited. And waited. He was going to make her ask. "Depends on _what, _Tony?" She drew out his name and then added a sweetly sarcastic smile for effect.

He looked back up. He was enjoying this far too much, he knew, but after two weeks of Kate the Wonder Probie, what went around had, at last, come back around. Kate had mistakenly trusted a former colleague and it had led to Agent Fornell poking around in their business again. Granted, that had turned out to be a good thing, but Gibbs had still not been pleased with her poor judgment in being unable to predict her "friend's" actions, especially for someone whose most valuable skill was supposed to be profiling people.

Meanwhile, Gibbs had let him escort the lovely reporter, Diane, from their crime scene, giving him a chance to get her number. Sure, Gibbs had ended up being the one to have lunch with her. But he'd made up for it by letting Tony convince him that he could re-question the two hot Aussies and charm more information out of them than their buddy with the DEA had been able to get. And that had been rewarding in …oh, so many ways. Yes, Tony's confidence was coming back, and, if it was at the expense of his new colleague, well, fair is fair. He'd been on Gibbs' bad side enough times. Agent Todd's "honeymoon" period was finally over.

"Well, _Katie, _it depends on what scale you're using. If you're using a regular scale, probably a 9 out of 10. But on the Gibbs scale, that would be maybe like about a….3."

"At what number does Gibbs decide to fire people?"

"Oh, if Gibbs had decided to fire you, believe me, you'd already know. Relax. He'll be over it in a few days and ticked at you for something else."

"Agent Fornell didn't seem to think so."

So Fornell had taken advantage of Kate's ignorance of his relationship to Gibbs. That was just a little bit dirty of him. Tony knew now why the FBI Agent had seemed so unusually accommodating, praising them for a job well done.

"I wouldn't worry about Fornell. He's just playing with you."

"He doesn't seem like a playful kind of guy to me, Tony."

Well now he was sincerely starting to feel bad for her. She was really worried. Time to put her out of her misery. It had been fun while it lasted.

"Let me tell you a secret Kate. But as far as Gibbs is concerned, I never told you this, ok?"

Kate was suspicious of his motives, but her curiosity overrode her sense of self-preservation at the moment. "Ok, I promise not to say anything."

"Fornell was married to one of Gibbs' ex wives after Gibbs divorced her. It's really quite incestuous. They've got this whole friend/enemy vibe going. The woman is quite a piece of work, too, from what I hear."

Kate's eyes widened for a moment. Then they narrowed. "You're making this up. I don't believe you."

"Fine. Don't take my word. Ask Ducky."

He was telling the truth. "How many ex-wives does Gibbs have?"

"At least three."

"At least? You aren't sure?"

"Gibbs is a very private man, Kate. He doesn't talk about himself. I've worked for him two years and I don't know much more about him than you do." Of course, there's also the boat he's building in his basement, Tony remembered. And the obvious problem of how he's going to get the thing out of there when he's done. He'd decided to keep that tidbit to himself for now, since he hadn't exactly been invited to Gibbs' basement. He'd had to physically track the man down because he'd cut his landline and drowned his cell. Somehow, he'd felt like he was intruding on something very personal when he'd been in Gibbs' basement, but he hadn't really had a choice. Ironically, Tony had stayed at the man's house once, a very uncomfortable experience, and had not once been in that basement. Something about it had always screamed, "off limits."

"Has he always been so…Gibbs?"

"Why all the questions, Kate? You planning on becoming ex-wife #4 or something?"

She could feel the flushing of her cheeks. Gibbs was an attractive older man, she had to admit that. But that didn't mean she was _attracted _to him. And even if she was sketching a picture of him, she was just practicing her crime scene sketching skills. Right? "Wha…I…No, Dinozzo! Do you ever get your mind out of the gutter?"

"Chill, Kate. I'm just kidding. Gibbs likes redheads anyway."

Redheads. So Gibbs has a "type." Interesting. She had trouble imagining Gibbs, the gruff, quiet, grumpy, Agent Gibbs, on a date with a woman. And married to one? Hardly surprising he was divorced. Three times. At least.

"I just wonder if something happened to make him the way he is, you know. Something traumatic."

"Well, of course something traumatic happened. I know what it is."

That got Kate's attention. "You do?"

"Yeah. Leroy. Jethro. Gibbs."

"And? I don't follow."

"His _name, _Kate. I mean can you imagine the teasing he went through as a child?"

They shared a laugh, and for a few moments, the tension ever present between them was gone. She was sure it wouldn't last. Dinozzo was juvenile, crude, sexist, who knows what else. But he could be incredibly funny when he wanted to. And if she was going to get used to the white hot intensity of Leroy Jethro Gibbs, she'd need all the laughs she could get.


	4. Chapter 4 - Mortal

**An episode tag for "The Immortals" featuring Gibbs, Tony, and Kate. I've taken some liberties with Tony's backstory – nothing that contradicts current canon of the show, but could become AU someday if the show ever decides to address it.**

**Mortal**

Kate was getting her first real taste of Gibbs' driving from the relative safety of the back seat, as she, Tony, and Gibbs made their way back to D. C. and the Navy Yard. At least she didn't have a front row seat for all the near misses; Tony was not so fortunate. He wondered if he'd ever get used to the man's driving as he fought to keep down his last meal. What he needed was a diversion, which for Tony generally meant either food (definitely out of the question at this moment), a good movie (inaccessible at the moment), or maybe a woman (a woman _not _named Caitlin Todd, thank you very much, also inaccessible at the moment). He realized he'd have to settle for conversation. Only two choices there. He could try talking to Gibbs, the equivalent of having a conversation with a coffee-scented brick wall, or he could attempt to converse with Kate. Unfortunately, he and Agent Todd had discovered very few topics of common interest they could safely cover in conversation, and the rest of the drive back to NCIS could be darn near intolerable if he accidentally, or not-so-accidentally, managed to offend one of her many sensibilities. In fact, one of the only areas of mutual interest they had discovered was currently driving their vehicle and there was no sense in tempting fate. He really didn't want to know what kind of driver an angry Gibbs would make.

His colleague saved him from the effort of starting the conversation with an observation about their case, one she apparently was not ready to put behind them just yet. In retrospect, a few days later, he realized he'd have fared better had he gone ahead and attempted the conversation with the brick wall.

"I still don't understand how MacDonald could have become so obsessed with a game that he completely lost touch with reality. Or Petty Officer Zuger either, for that matter. I mean, he knew MacDonald was delusional. How could he encourage his shipmate to jump overboard, knowing he believed he was immortal and thought he could walk across the ocean floor? All for the sake of winning a stupid game!"

Tony considered this for a moment. He'd never become delusional, not even close, but he supposed he understood a few things about wanting to live in a different reality. "People have all kinds of ways to escape, Kate. Movies, books. Sports. Drugs. Alcohol. This one happened to be video games. Most people just know where to draw the line. But some don't."

"I just feel so badly for his mother. It seems like this could have all been avoided. Didn't anyone notice something was wrong? Someone should have been able to help him. Someone should have cared enough to try."

"At least you can tell his mother he didn't commit suicide."

"Yeah, I guess that's something anyway. She knew he would never do something like that."

Becoming thoughtful, Tony asked, "Hey, Kate, do you really believe suicide is a mortal sin?"

"That's what the Church teaches, Tony. Catholics take the issue very seriously."

"That's kind of harsh, isn't it?" Gibbs had mostly been trying to tune out the chatter of his agents, but something in Tony's tone and the direction this conversation was taking made him suddenly take notice. At the same time, he realized he was probably just a little too late. The train wreck was coming quickly and there was no way he was going to be able to stop it in time….

"No, not really, Tony. A person doesn't have the right to decide to take any human life, not even his own. That's God's right alone." Kate was clearly becoming defensive now.

"I'm just saying, there may be extenuating circumstances to consider. Things aren't always so black-and-white. There's a lot of grey in the world, Kate. You'll learn that after you've been doing this job for a while."

Thinking Tony was purposely insulting both her religion and her instincts, Kate was becoming furious. His x-rated innuendoes were bad enough, but picking apart her religious beliefs was simply not tolerable. "Are you seriously taking issue with my faith, now, Tony?"

"_Excuse_ me? Who's taking issue? I'm asking you a valid question here! Who made you the authority on right and wrong?" Now Tony was the one on the defensive. Kate always thought she had the high moral ground, but maybe she really just liked thinking she was better than other people. Especially people like him. He'd had about enough of her judgmental attitude.

"You're just trying to pick a fight with me! You know you may have the morals of an alley cat, Dinozzo, but there are still things I consider sacred, and I expect you to respect them!"

"ENOUGH!" The fight between them had gotten way too personal, way too quickly, and Gibbs knew he needed to end it immediately before irreparable damage had been done and he found himself having to find a new agent, or maybe two. "The two of you are going to either find a new topic of conversation, or better yet, just SHUT UP!"

Great, thought Tony. Not only were both people in the car now furious with him, but Gibbs in his anger had actually _sped up the car._ He grabbed onto what he'd affectionately nicknamed the "oh, crap" handle and tried to relax and stretch out. However, he soon realized he didn't have enough leg room. He located the handle to adjust his seat, intending to just ease back a couple of inches, but in his anger and frustration, he yanked the handle just a bit too abruptly and the seat went flying backwards…right into Kate.

"OW! Dinozzo! You did that on purpose!"

"I did not!" he snapped. "I lost control of the…" Oh, NO! The wave of nausea swept over him so quickly he almost didn't catch it in time.

Gibbs saw him turn three shades of green. "Out the window Dinozzo. Don't you even think about puking in this car!" He barely got the window open, but managed to spare his life by avoiding a violation of Gibbs' command. Gibbs had just managed to pull over.

"You done now, Tony? Can we think about going back to work?" His boss might have been tempted to feel sorry for him, had he not still been about to blow a fuse over the inability of his agents to have a five minute conversation without needing him to break them up. The other day he'd felt like a high school principal; at this moment he'd have to consider scaling that back to preschool.

With as much dignity as he could muster, Tony quietly replied, "Yes, Boss."

Kate, now both disgusted _and _irate, remained quiet the rest of the trip. Upon their arrival at the Navy Yard, she methodically collected her things, and with one last withering glare in Dinozzo's direction, stormed out of the bullpen.

* * *

The tension between Gibbs and Tony had been palpable since Kate had walked out, but neither had been ready to speak yet. It was dark out now, and almost everyone had gone home. A few had stayed, hoping to spy on the disgruntled Team Leader and his agent to gain some juicy fodder for the next morning's gossip. Agent Todd and Agent Dinozzo already had quite a reputation for drama around the floor, and it was starting to spread throughout the rest of the building. There was even a rumored office pool for those predicting which one of them would quit first, and how long it would take.

Tony really just wanted to go home and go to bed, forgetting about the latest incident and giving in to his dreams. But he knew better than to leave without being released by Gibbs. Kate may have gotten away with it, but Tony instinctively knew his boss wasn't quite done with him yet.

Gibbs _wasn't _done with him yet, but was having a difficult time deciding the when and the how of addressing the situation with the man in front of him. Had it been as simple a situation as it may have appeared on the surface, he could have just directed both his agents to grow up already and been done with it. But he knew better. He knew Dinozzo's history. He knew Kate _didn't _know what he knew, and that had been the real source of the misunderstanding. What he didn't know was how much Dinozzo knew that he knew. Complicated. Gibbs really hated complicated. Sighing, he decided he'd waited long enough.

"Are you gonna tell me what that was about, Dinozzo?" He'd softened his tone on purpose, trying to make it sound encouraging instead of threatening. He was giving Tony the opportunity to come clean with him.

Tony looked his boss in the eye. He saw flashes of memory. His mother. A hospital room. A Cagney movie playing on the television in the background. He could hear adults talking, his father, doctors, nurses – had there been a police officer there? - fragments of their conversations reaching his young ears, thought to be too young to grasp the consequences of their words. "….overdose" "…dying" "….accidental" "...maybe a suicide" "….history of depression" "…poor kid" "…shhh, he's sitting right over there, he might hear you…" His father had never again spoken of that night, and taking a cue from his father, neither had Tony. But he'd never forgotten. And he'd been smarter than they'd realized. He knew something wasn't right with his mother, and he'd known for a long time. One thing he'd probably never know though would be perhaps the most important thing: what had she been thinking in those last moments? Simply trying to escape the torment for a few minutes, or trying to escape forever? Had she thought about him at all? Was she just a victim or was she an evil person? The questions turned over and over in his head, never finding any answers. His solution had been just not to think about it, but then there were times he couldn't escape it. This case, and Kate, had unknowingly dug up all those unanswered questions again.

Then he became aware of the way his boss was looking at him. He _knew._ Of course he knew. He ran a background check on all his agents, and Gibbs didn't leave stones unturned. He'd have seen the report. He suddenly felt very exposed. The temptation was there to tell him everything. He had a feeling Gibbs was a man with a lot of secrets of his own. Maybe he'd find some answers, or if not answers, some relief. But the man was just his boss, how did he know he could trust him with something so personal? Something he'd never trusted with anyone. People have a way of using your weaknesses against you. He couldn't do it.

For a moment, Gibbs swore Tony was going to give him an honest answer, but at the last minute, he averted his eyes. "Just messing with Kate, Boss. You know I can't help myself sometimes. Won't let it happen again."

Gibbs was suddenly flooded with disappointment, surprised at its depths. Tony didn't trust him, not really. Not yet. Sure he trusted him to have his six in the field, but that was where it ended. And until Dinozzo found somebody to trust, on a personal level, he knew he had his work cut out for him convincing the man to make NCIS his home for the long-term.

"There are certain things that are off-limits, especially with Kate. You should've known that. I don't care if you haze her a little bit, but you've got to know where to draw the line. Understood?"

"Understood. As long as you realize some of her convictions could interfere with her objectivity if she isn't careful." Tony was terse.

"You let me handle Kate."

Tony had returned to his desk preparing to leave, but paused at his boss' last statement.

"You got something else to say, Dinozzo?"

Tony's eyes narrowed. "Just wondering if you're planning to have the same talk with Agent Todd. You know, about her little 'alley cat' comment? Unless of course you agree with her." He gave his boss a pointed look, satisfied he'd made his point, and walked out.


	5. Chapter 5 - The Second Time

**This is a Tony/Abby episode tag for "The Curse," because I love their relationship, particularly in the early seasons, and I couldn't let Tony's 2-year anniversary pass by unnoticed.**

**Also, a reviewer asked a very good question regarding my views on Ziva and Tiva. I do NOT plan to make this a Tiva-oriented piece. As far as Ziva, I personally have mixed feelings about the character, but also do not plan to "bash" any character. I hope to present them all as flawed human beings with both good points and bad points. Hopefully, that addresses any concerns.**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed, favorited, or even anonymously read this story. I appreciate all of the feedback!**

"**The Second Time"**

Tony was in a large, dark, hazy room. He could feel the ground vibrating beneath his feet and loud noises assaulting his ears. Dark shadowy figures clothed in black circled around him, their pale faces in stark contrast with the darkness surrounding them, their dark-lined eyes watching him suspiciously. There was a large casket-like object in the corner of the room and the dark figures appeared to be dancing rhythmically in front of it. Either Tony was having a really creepy dream, or he was spending an evening out with Abby.

"Isn't this place _awesome, _Tony?" Abby enthused as she set two beers down on the table in front of him.

"It's very….interesting, Abby. What is it called again?"

"The Crypt. I'm so glad you came out with me tonight!" Abby had been insistent on taking Tony out to "celebrate" his 2-year anniversary with NCIS. Unfortunately, it had been on Saturday and they'd ended up working all weekend on the Schilz case, trying to either prove he'd been a thief, or to prove he hadn't so that his widow could finally receive the death benefits she'd been denied for years. Much to the delight of his new partner, they'd been able to prove the latter, but the case hadn't wrapped until late on Sunday, and now Tony was sitting here that same evening with Abby secretly wishing he could just turn in early. But he could never disappoint Abby.

Anthony Dinozzo prided himself on his ability to fit in almost anywhere. He'd worked countless undercover assignments, largely due to this talent. But, on this particular evening and in the midst of this particular group, he felt like he may as well be holding a sign that screamed, "Preppy Federal Agent Type." Which gave him a slightly evil thought.

"You know, you really should bring Kate here. She'd love it."

Abby smiled knowingly at the joke. She and Kate had been to lunch a few times, the movies, and talked about possibly going to a spa sometime for a "girls' weekend," but she could not picture the straitlaced agent in this environment. And she knew Tony couldn't either.

Abby held up her beer mug to toast. "Let's drink to you and another 20 years with Team Gibbs!"

She caught the briefly hesitant expression on Tony's face just before he smiled and returned the toast. "I'm not sure it's going to be called 'Team Gibbs' 20 years from now, Abs." Then he leaned in conspiratorially, lowered his voice, and asked, "Hey, do _you _happen to know how old Gibbs is?"

Abby giggled. "No, but I hear you've been trying to drag it out of him. Why all the sudden interest in Gibbs lately, anyway?"

Slightly defensively, Tony responded, "I don't have a 'sudden interest' in Gibbs. I just think the man _needs _some glasses. I'm thinking about staging an intervention."

"Mmm-hmm. I heard you were grilling Ducky a few weeks ago about why Gibbs is building a boat in his basement."

"Look, I couldn't get in touch with him. I had to go to his house and then he didn't answer the door, which I tried and discovered was unlocked. I mean, who _does _that in this day and age? I finally found him in the basement, landline cut, cell phone – let's just say it was out-of-commission, and Gibbs there building a boat in his basement. Wouldn't _you _be curious?" The truth was that Tony _had_ been more interested in trying to get into Gibbs' head lately. He was such an enigma, and Tony couldn't help feeling that he was coming to a very important crossroads in both his career and his life. Somehow he knew that what happened over the coming months would determine if he would be with NCIS 2 years, or the 20 that Abby predicted. And, for some reason, Tony also knew that Gibbs was the key.

"Well, sure. But we all have our little quirks, Tony."

_Noted, _thought Tony, as he looked at the perky Goth in front of him. "I really appreciate you inviting me out tonight. And remembering my anniversary. You know, Gibbs remembered it too. I was kind of surprised." He had actually been very surprised. Gibbs did not impress him as the type to remember birthdays and anniversaries. He'd wondered if Gibbs had remembered it on his own or if maybe Abby had reminded him. He'd hoped to get an answer out of Abby without having to actually ask her.

"You shouldn't be. Gibbs adores you."

Tony choked a little on the sip of beer he'd been taking. "Yeah, _right_, Abs!"

"He totally does! He goes all Papa Bear when you get hurt. And he teases you. He _never _did that with his other agents before. He's different with you."

"He _hit _me!"

"Hit you?"

"Yeah! Ok, I guess it was more of a slap really. To the back of the head."

"Why, what were you doing?"

"How come you assume I was doing something?"

"Because I know you."

"I just…said something about his eyesight."

"Interesting. I've never seen Gibbs do anything like that before. I'm sorry I missed it. Did it hurt?" She asked the question with a glimmer of mischief.

"Abby, did anyone ever tell you that you're just a little weird?"

"No, but I did tell Gibbs that about you the other day."

"You were talking to Gibbs about me behind my back?"

"Oh, no! You were there. I did it in sign language."

"Ok, now I _have _to learn sign language. You know, I understand why you know it, but how did Gibbs learn to sign?"

"Ah HA! See, there you go again!"

"Wha-" Oh, crap! He just asked another personal question about Gibbs. Abby was smiling triumphantly, and Tony couldn't help but laugh at himself, too, just a little. _I really like hanging out with Abby, _he thought. He'd spent time with a lot of people, but there had been very few he'd considered real friends. But Abby was the real deal. So what if it was a work night and he was surrounded by zombies.

* * *

A few hours later, as Tony was heading home, he remembered something Abby had said. He'd told her about the head slap Gibbs had given him and she'd said, "I've never seen Gibbs do anything like that before." But then he remembered that Gibbs _had _done that to him before.

It was before he'd become an NCIS Agent. Gibbs had invited him to the office for a visit on the pretext that he just wanted to show him around and find out what Tony had decided to do about his job in Baltimore. But, Tony had realized later that Gibbs had tricked him, leading him to the HR office and telling him, without actually telling him, that he wanted Tony on his team.

They'd had an enlightening conversation in which Tony had expressed doubt that he wanted to still be a cop. And that had been the first time. Gibbs had smacked the back of his head then, and Tony had been startled and very nearly would have been offended, had it not been for the man's subsequent actions. He remembered it very clearly now. Gibbs' explanation for the slap had been in response to Tony's desire to quit law enforcement. "You don't waste good." The praise had meant a lot to Tony, surprisingly, since he barely knew Gibbs at the time, but there was always something about the man that commanded his respect.

Then he'd done something that had startled Tony even more than either of the previous gestures. He'd very gently patted him on the cheek, just before steering him towards the HR office. Tony had never known what to make of it. It had been almost an affectionate gesture, something he might have imagined his father doing to him as a child, if he'd had a father who had cared. He tried to remember a moment in his life that anyone had touched him with that sort of paternal care, but couldn't come up with a single one until that moment. It had at once comforted, confused, and disturbed him.

Gibbs had never mentioned or repeated that gesture, and until now Tony had done with it what he did with things that made him uncomfortable – shoved it into a corner of his mind and ignored it. That would prevent him from having to analyze or question it. But in his mind, he had always knit together those three moments: the head slap, the praise, the gesture of affection. He couldn't recall one without recalling the other two. Did Gibbs somehow understand that about him? Could the head slap yesterday have meant something else, other than Gibbs being annoyed with him?

Tony had been restless lately, sometimes frustrated, even angry at times. Agent Todd's arrival had confused things for him: his role, his place on the team, his confidence as an agent. Gibbs was certainly aware of some of this. He'd made a point of noting his anniversary. Then shortly thereafter, he'd head slapped him again, after two years. Was it possible he was trying to remind him of the rest? _You don't waste good. _Or even…he suddenly heard Abby's impossible words again in his mind. _Gibbs adores you._

Nah. Not that last part. It wasn't possible, was it?

* * *

"Gibbs."

"So, were you sleeping, or are you in the basement working on that boat I hear you're building?"

"Hey, Abs. You and Dinozzo have a good time?"

"Fabulous. I took him to that place I told you about the other day, The Crypt."

_Tony must've loved that._

"So, you hit him on the back of the head?"

"He told you about that?"

"Yeah, but don't worry, I don't think he's planning to turn you in for abuse or anything."

"He was goofing around and I needed to get him to focus. " _Well, that's at least partially true, _Gibbs reasoned. _Abby doesn't need to know the rest. _"Had a boss that used to do that to me. Figured I'd try it with Dinozzo and see if it worked." Mike Franks. He might really miss the man if he weren't so ticked at him.

"Did it work?"

"Time will tell. He say anything to you that I need to know?"

"You know, I don't really like feeling like I'm spying on Tony."

"You won't be able to spy on him if he's not here anymore." Gibbs didn't feel exactly right about it either, but Tony wasn't talking to him about anything substantial and he really needed to know where his agent's head was right now.

"He didn't say anything. I hinted that he'd be with NCIS 20 years from now and he looked kind of uncomfortable though."

"I doubt Dinozzo's ready to imagine himself anywhere for 20 years just yet. Anything else happen?"

"Well I told him you adored him."

"You WHAT?" He cared about the kid, but he wasn't sure "adored" would've been the word he'd have used.

"He laughed. He doesn't believe me."

"Not sure I believe you either, Abby."

"It's totally ok to get in touch with your emotional side, Gibbs." He rolled his eyes. Abby was nothing if not dramatic. "I wish there was some way he could see that he's different."

"He's different alright."

"Not what I meant! You treat him differently. You know you do. Look at Stan – he was here 5 years and you never had me spying on him!"

"He say anything about Kate?"

"Not really. I think their last blowout has mostly blown over."

_That's a relief at least. _Gibbs hadn't forgotten Tony's parting shot at him several days ago, implying that he gave Kate favorable treatment. He was glad Tony didn't say anything else about Kate's "alley cat" comment. He'd intended to address it with her but everything seemed to be forgotten between them the next day, and he decided it best to leave well enough alone. But he'd tried to make a point of letting her know when she was letting her personal feelings influence her judgment. On this last case, she'd been determined to prove Schilz's innocence because she felt sorry for the widow. She had the makings of an excellent agent, but he had this uneasy feeling that her personal feelings were going to cause her to make a major error one of these days.

"Gibbs I really don't feel comfortable with this. Tony trusts me. "

Gibbs sighed. She was absolutely right. He had no right to spy on Tony, or to put Abby in this position. He'd simply have to find some other way to get through to Dinozzo.

"I'm sorry, Abby."

"GIBBS! You just apologized! I thought there was a rule against that."

"You're always an exception, Abs."

"Awww, thanks Gibbs. I'm touched."

"Night, Abby. And thanks."

"Tony's not going anywhere, Gibbs. We won't let him."


	6. Chapter 6 - The Plan

**An episode tag (of sorts) to "High Seas" – otherwise known as the Stan Burley episode.**

**Also, I promise Gibbs and Tony will eventually have some more in-depth conversations with each other, but they are taking little baby steps to get there. There will be a couple of "breakthroughs" on that front, and I know which episodes they will be. But since Tony isn't quite there just yet, Gibbs has to find other ways to communicate with him…**

**The Plan**

It was an effort for Gibbs to pretend not to notice the furtive glances Tony kept sending in his direction on the plane ride back from the USS Enterprise. A couple of times he'd even had to turn his head away to hide the amused smile he couldn't quite hold back any longer. He knew once his plan had completely unfolded that it was likely Tony would start to put the pieces together. He was, after all, the best young investigator Gibbs had ever worked with.

Gibbs didn't care if he knew. The most important thing was whether or not his plan had worked. And if Gibbs were a betting man, right now he would bet that it had.

* * *

_**2 days earlier…**_

"Jethro, may I have a word with you please?"

"I only have a couple of minutes, Duck. Our transport's getting ready to leave."

"Yes, well, I promise to be brief. I am just a bit concerned about young Anthony. Abigail and I did as you asked earlier, but I'm afraid I still do not understand the purpose. And Abigail is quite beside herself, worrying that she may have truly upset him."

Gibbs couldn't have hoped for any better when he'd asked Abby and Ducky to play up the "greatness" of his former Senior Field Agent Stan Burley in front of Dinozzo. Ever since his talk with Abby a few days ago, he'd been trying to devise a way to send Tony a message. Trying to talk to Tony wasn't going to work, that much was obvious. If he wouldn't share his plans with Abby, he certainly wasn't going to share them with his boss. Gibbs knew he was going to have to get creative. When he'd received the call from Stan last night, the outline of a plan had started to form in his mind, but he'd needed to enlist the help of two of his favorite people if it had any chance of working.

"Tell Abby not to worry. I've got it under control."

"Yes, so you have said, Jethro. I simply cannot imagine what you are thinking. I do not understand how making the young man feel inferior to his predecessor is supposed to solve either his instability issues or his insecurity issues. I plead with you to think this through. You could be doing more harm than good and end up driving Anthony away, and I know that is not your goal."

"I won't let it go that far. You're both gonna just have to trust me." With that, Leroy Jethro Gibbs marched towards the door, the bewildered doctor giving a sad shake of his head before heading back to autopsy.

* * *

Tony had been anxious to meet the man he'd heard so much about. Stan Burley had been just a few years his senior, similarly built, athletic type like himself. He'd seemed about as curious regarding Tony as Tony was towards him. Nice enough guy he supposed, but not the superman Abby and Ducky had made him out to be. And Tony had definitely been put off by being mistaken for a probie by Gibbs' former SFA. What on earth could have given him that idea? And what had he meant by, "Huh" when Tony told him he'd been on Gibbs' team for two years?

Then there was Gibbs, about the friendliest Gibbs he'd ever seen before. _You're lookin' good Stanley._ Oh, but when Tony had paused just a very brief moment to observe, his boss had reverted back to his second "b" quickly enough. _You waitin on something?_ Definite lack of warmth, friendliness, or, I don't know, "common human courtesy" there, thought Tony. And he could have sworn his boss had actually watched him until he'd been out of sight, checking up on him to make sure he was going where he was supposed to.

If Gibbs was trying to send him the message that he was never going to be good enough, he was finally starting to read it loud and clear. _This could be it. The answer. The one that finally makes up your mind for you, Dinozzo. _ But he felt a slight clench in his stomach that clearly wasn't an indication of relief. He tried to pass it off as the aftereffects of the abrupt landing they'd recently experienced, but he wasn't that naïve. _You're disappointed, Dinozzo. What were you hoping for, Gibbs to get down on his knees and plead with you to stay? You think you're that special? Gibbs could replace you in a heartbeat. Maybe he already has. Agent Todd protected the President, after all. What have you ever really done, anyway? Best to cut your losses now. Who have you been kidding? These people will forget all about you in a week._

With a weary sigh, Tony made his way out on deck to question Officer Reyes. This had the makings of a very long and uncomfortable case.

* * *

Agent Gibbs could really be a piece of work sometimes, Kate observed. Couldn't he see how uncomfortable he was making Tony? She could actually swear Gibbs was doing it on purpose, but it didn't make any sense.

For some reason, Tony had looked particularly hurt when Gibbs had patted Agent Burley on the cheek. It _was _an odd gesture, particularly for Gibbs, but he'd worked with Burley for 5 years. Apparently they'd been quite close. Strange, though, that she'd never recalled Gibbs mentioning Stan prior to this case. You would think his name would have come up before.

Whatever the case, Tony was clearly jealous. She and Dinozzo had their fair share of differences, but she didn't appreciate cruelty towards anyone. And this was bordering on intentional cruelty. Tony hadn't done anything bad enough to deserve this.

She wanted to say something, but was at a loss. He might be embarrassed or defensive or, worse yet, suspicious of her motives. Maybe it's better if I pretend not to notice, she decided. Still, if this continued, she wasn't certain how long she could keep her silence.

* * *

Tony realized he was tearing apart Shrewe's rack with an unnecessary amount of force, but he didn't particularly care at the moment.

_You're such a chump, Dinozzo. Getting warm, fuzzy feelings because some Special Agent you barely knew patted your cheek and smacked you in the back of the head. Thinking that was something he'd reserved just for you. Again, thinking you were so special. He just hired you to try and replace Stan Burley. But it didn't work, did it? Because you aren't good enough. Obviously Gibbs wishes he had Burley back instead of you…_

He suddenly realized there was a room full of Petty Officers staring at him. He had to keep his cool. He was professional enough to get through this case. If he was going to walk away from NCIS, he would at least do so with his dignity.

"Can I help you, Petty Officer?"

* * *

"It's not the same thing you know."

Kate had finally had enough. She had to say something to Tony. She hadn't even lasted a day.

Unfortunately, she had no idea _what _to say, really. She'd come up with something really lame. Hadn't even made any sense to herself, much less to Tony. Gibbs just kept laying it on thicker and thicker with Stan.

What had gotten into him? She wondered if he and Tony had had some secret disagreement she didn't know about. Or maybe Tony had screwed up somewhere, unbeknownst to her.

Whatever it was, Tony didn't seem to know either.

He _had _smiled at her at least, the first smile she'd seen from him in the past few days. It certainly beat arguing with him. Well, sort of. Ironically, the rift between Tony and Gibbs was almost as unpleasant. Something about it just seemed so _wrong. _

* * *

"How did Tony seem to you, Ducky?"

Abby had been immediately concerned when she'd seen Tony's face via the monitor. Even over teleconference, she could almost feel the tension radiating off of him. He'd gotten up and walked out without so much as a goodbye to her, and while she was used to that from Gibbs, it was far from normal behavior for Tony.

Ducky too had been worried when he'd conferenced with the group on the ship earlier. They hadn't realized the monitor had still been on, and he'd heard Gibbs vocalizing his plan to get Stan to assist him with some directive or other and then seen Tony practically pleading with Gibbs to let him assist instead, to no avail. His heart ached for the young man, but he did not see how it would be helpful to distress Abby any further. "He was somewhat more reserved than usual, but I'm certain there is no cause for alarm. He was most likely just focusing his attention on the case. "

"I don't believe that. Tony is great under stress. I know when something is wrong with him, Ducky. I think Gibbs' plan is stupid."

"Do you happen to know Gibbs' plan, then?"

"No," she admitted. "But whatever it is, I know it's stupid."

Ducky couldn't help chuckling at Abby's assessment of the situation. "We both know that Jethro is quite fond of Anthony. I don't believe he would hurt the young man intentionally. Perhaps we should give him the benefit of the doubt before passing judgment too quickly, hmmm?"

"I'm giving him one more day."

"Or what, Abigail?"

"Or I'm telling Tony it was a setup."

Oh, my. He wasn't certain that Tony knowing the truth wouldn't actually make the situation worse. He silently hoped Jethro truly did know what he was doing. Otherwise, he feared that the consequences could be irreversible.

* * *

Having Tony run the impromptu drug test to determine if the pills Officer Reyes had given them contained meth had been the perfect opening for Gibbs to introduce the subject of Tony's work history. While he may have seemed cold and unconcerned, Gibbs had been keeping a close eye on his agent. He knew by now that Tony was well and truly upset, and felt more than a twinge of guilt over being the cause. But this was important, and it was worth it. Tony was worth it. He just hoped Tony would "read" the message as it was intended, or else this could backfire in a big way.

"Dinozzo was a Baltimore cop before coming to us." There, he'd started the thread of conversation, hoping it would lead them right where he wanted it to. That led them quite nicely into discussing Tony's longevity, or lack thereof, in a succession of police departments. He was a bit surprised when Kate jumped in, eager to point out that Tony had only been with the Philly PD for 18 months and then getting him to admit that Peoria, not Pittsburgh, had been his home prior to that. Gibbs knew that Kate had been feeling sorry for Tony earlier, and had not been happy with him. How quickly that had changed when she'd seen the opportunity to get a few digs in on her partner. It was working to his advantage, but he was disappointed in her just the same.

"And it doesn't matter how long. All that matters now is that I'm _here_, at NCIS." Tony's voice was dripping with sarcasm. Gibbs was certain he heard an implied, "but not for very much longer" at the end of Tony's statement.

Smugly, Kate responded, "Oh, and you've been here for…refresh my memory."

"Two years." Gibbs didn't miss the bitterness in that abrupt statement, just prior to Tony changing the line of questioning to Stan's background.

Stan, clueless so far to what was really going on, tried to downplay his previous role as a senator's aide, so Gibbs had to fill in that bit of information for him. Burley had certainly picked up on Dinozzo's insecurity by now, though he was certain Stan had not realized he was being used as part of Gibbs' master plan. But then Burley, talented as he may be, was no Tony Dinozzo and never would be.

Tony had stopped what he was doing, clearly bothered. Tony'd had enough and Gibbs was convinced he'd reached the breaking point. Tony's period of indecision was over and he was ready to make his choice, one way or the other. Now it was time to show him which one to make. But first they'd have to solve this case. "Dinozzo – the kit?"

* * *

Tony could have sworn that Gibbs had actually enjoyed rubbing his nose in it in front of his Golden Boy. And Kate had delighted to join right in. So much for her being on his side for once.

Gibbs could have his Stan Burleys and his Caitlin Todds. Obviously, his boss wanted someone with a higher pedigree than himself on his team. He'd been a stand-in because the man couldn't keep anyone longer than a few months, and he'd finally found someone willing to put up with his abuse for a couple of years, long enough to find a suitable replacement for the one-and-only Agent Burley. Now that Kate was there, Gibbs was making it obvious he was no longer needed.

One thing Tony couldn't be accused of was overstaying his welcome. He found himself wondering which PD he would end up with next. And who would take him with his track record of short-term stays. He'd seen plenty of the East Coast already. Maybe he'd try California. Warm, pretty girls. And far, far away from D. C.

* * *

Gibbs may have been unusually warm and personable with him at the beginning of this case, but Stan had soon recalled why he'd requested, and finally been granted, a transfer out of Gibbs' team to the Agent Afloat position. As he took yet another antacid pill, he thought with relief that the case had finally wrapped up and Agent Gibbs and crew would be heading back to D.C. in just a couple of hours.

"Hey, Stan, got a minute?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, Boss." Even Burley thought it amusing that he'd reverted back to calling Gibbs "Boss" after more than two years. But with Gibbs around, he still _felt _like the man was his boss. Two years as Agent Afloat still hadn't made him feel like he was anywhere near equal footing with Gibbs, and he was certain he never would. He figured that must've made him the longest-serving Probie in the history of NCIS.

"Need a favor from you." Now Stan was all ears. Gibbs was asking _him _for help?

"Well, sure. I could hardly refuse after you brought your team out here to help me. Thanks again for that, by the way."

Gibbs nodded his acknowledgement. "Agent Dinozzo isn't really known for sticking around in one place very long."

"Yeah, I kind of gathered that. I was really surprised, since you obviously like him so much."

Now Gibbs was surprised. Maybe Burley's investigative skills had improved since he'd been Agent Afloat. "How do you figure that, Burley?"

"Well, Boss, I just mean…" Now he was starting to feel flustered. "My first three or four years with you were kind of …"

"Stressful?" Gibbs felt a little guilty for the way he now remembered treating Stan for most of his tenure. He'd always tried not to get personal with his agents, and that had resulted in sometimes treating them as objects rather than as people. Then Tony had come along and he was now starting to realize how much he had changed.

" I always thought you hated me."

"Never hated you Stan. You'd never have made it 5 years if I had."

"But you like Dinozzo a lot better, I can tell. You never looked me in the eye like you do with him. Got my name wrong. Wasn't just me, it was everybody. All your agents, anyway. Tony doesn't know how lucky he is."

"That's why I need the favor. Need you to tell Dinozzo what you just told me."

The light of realization suddenly switched on in Stan's mind. The compliments, the pat on the cheek that had completely stunned him, the glorification of his background as a senator's aide. That had all been for Dinozzo's benefit. "You think he's gonna leave. And you want him to change his mind. You _really _want him to change his mind."

Gibbs smirked slightly. "There's hope for you yet, Burley."

* * *

_Men, _thought Kate. Sitting on the plane in between Dinozzo and Gibbs was either becoming uncomfortable or amusing. The two of them kept _looking_ at each other, but never at the same time.

Obviously something was going on and they hadn't let her in on the secret. What else was new?

And instead of just having a conversation with each other like normal people, they are playing this cat and mouse staring game, and she was caught in the middle of it. _I wish Abby were here._

Oh, here we go. They just caught each other in the act. Now what?...

Hey, why do I now feel like I just missed an entire conversation?

_Men._

* * *

"He must _really _like you."

The more Tony thought about Burley's words, the more it occurred to him that he'd just been played. In a big way.

He shouldn't be surprised, really. The very first time he'd met Leroy Jethro Gibbs, he was in the process of being played. The man seemed to be able to play him at will. _How does he manage to read me so well?_

He ought to be really angry. He had been really angry. Maybe for ten seconds or so. Until he'd asked himself the really important question. _Why?_

Why make Stan Burley seem so perfect? Why make Tony jealous and insecure on purpose? Why push him so far he was ready to walk and never look back? And then why turn the whole thing on its head to make it seem that Burley might just be a little jealous of _him?_

He was trying to look to Gibbs for answers, thinking maybe he could read something on his face, in his expression. But Gibbs seemed to be avoiding his gaze on purpose. He could practically hear his boss' voice in his ears. _Figure it out, Dinozzo. Investigate. Don't waste good._

The pat on the cheek. That was on purpose, too. Come to think of it, Burley had seemed confused. If Gibbs hadn't looked him in the eye or called him by the right name for years, it seemed certain he'd never done _that_ before either. Or smacked him on the back of the head.

Stan worked for Gibbs 5 years, had been a senator's aide, had certainly been well qualified. Had even gotten promoted to Agent Afloat. And he's envious of _me_?

_You're different, somehow. Maybe even special._

That's hard to believe, though, Tony argued with the voice in his head. I'm what they like to call a "retread cop." A misplaced jock.

_But Gibbs went to an awful lot of trouble to make some kind of point here. How many people have you known Gibbs to go this far out of his way for? He had Abby and Ducky in on it. And obviously he'd even asked a former employee of his for help._

What is Gibbs trying to tell me?

Finally, he'd managed to catch Gibbs' eye.

_Don't. Waste. Good. You're good. Too good to give up now. Just trust me. You won't regret it._

Tony hesitated just a moment, then almost imperceptibly nodded his understanding. _I'm on it, Boss._

Gibbs smiled.


	7. Chapter 7 - Gibbs' Conference Room

**Tag for "Sub Rosa." I am so excited at the introduction of McGee, even though he doesn't actually make an appearance in this one-shot. McGee and Tony are another of my favorite NCIS relationships.**

**This one is also a bit shorter and lighter in tone, but important to how I will likely approach Tony and McGee later on. And somewhat important for Tony and Gibbs, too.**

**Gibbs' Conference Room**

Tony had been looking for an opportunity to talk to Gibbs privately for days, but ever since Kate and his boss had returned from the submarine, there had never been an opportune time.

Then they had received a call about a missing Petty Officer and his boss had taken Tony to question the wife. The younger agent had been trying to work up the courage to begin the conversation since they'd left the Navy Yard, but he and Gibbs had been alternately on their cell phones with everyone from Abby to Kate to Director Morrow all the way to their destination. By the time they were en route back to headquarters, Tony had found that his courage was starting to wane, and before he knew it they were pulling the sedan into its home in the parking lot.

Now they found themselves standing in front of the elevator doors, and Tony realized if he didn't do this now, he likely never would.

"So, what'd you think of Agent McGee, Boss?"

Gibbs had been completely engulfed in finding their missing man, and even though he'd sensed a nervous energy radiating off of his partner all day, he still found himself taken slightly off-guard by the question. It wasn't that the Lead Agent was surprised at DiNozzo asking his opinion of Agent McGee, but rather that he'd expected it a few days ago. Any time another agent assisted their team, Tony was always keenly aware of how much attention that agent received from his boss. He had hoped that Tony had gotten past this with the recent addition of Kate, but nevertheless had expected some show of insecurity. So, he tried to dismiss any of Tony's lingering doubts regarding his job security with a touch of humor. "I think if Agent McGee was any greener, we'd have to call him Kermit."

It became immediately apparent to Gibbs, however, that this was not the type of response Tony had been hoping for.

Tony's face held just a touch of consternation before he covered it with a fake, exaggerated, and more-than-a-bit nervous laugh and replied, "Hey, that was a good one, there, Boss! Funny!" There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before he added, "He _is _pretty gullible." Another uncomfortable pause. "You know he's a pretty smart kid, though. He went to MIT!"

"I'm aware of that, DiNozzo." Now Gibbs was absolutely confused. All sorts of bizarre explanations for Tony's behavior started to race through his mind, including the brief thought that his agent had decided to leave NCIS after all and thought he would alleviate his guilt by helping Gibbs find his replacement. But with Agent _McGee_? That would be strange, even coming from DiNozzo.

"And, I have to admit, he really helped with that last case. " Gibbs simply responded with a glance in Tony's direction before being interrupted by the arrival of the elevator. _Finally, _thought Gibbs. He was quickly running out of responses and was slightly embarrassed to make it known that he really didn't know where Tony was headed with this line of conversation.

Boarding the elevator, Tony was starting to feel slightly panicked. He knew he wasn't really making any sense, and the degree of nervousness he was feeling increased every inch closer they got to arriving back in the bullpen. It wasn't that he was _afraid _of his boss. But as much as he'd tried to resist it, he knew Gibbs' opinion of him, at least on a professional level, had come to mean the world to him. This man had believed in him, given him an opportunity at the lowest point in his career, and put a lot of time into teaching him to be the best agent he could be. Gibbs didn't say much, yet he'd learned more from him already than virtually anyone else he could remember. Including his own father, he mentally added with a slight edge of bitterness. He didn't want to do anything to screw that up.

But, for the first time in his two-year career with NCIS, Tony had a suggestion on how to make their team better. Not just a thought on a case or an investigation; he'd never hesitated to share those things with his boss. But if Gibbs expected him to make a long-term investment here, as part of his team, then it was only fair that he have some input, right? And now he had some, and he was going to share it. And he'd just have to get past his fear that Gibbs would be offended, or worse yet, that he would ridicule him or simply dismiss his opinion altogether. The idea of being dismissed brought with it an almost smothering disappointment but with some effort he managed to refocus his mind on the task at hand.

"You know, Boss, the criminals keep getting younger and more tech-savvy. And I can get by, but McGee's like, almost a computer _genius…" _Gibbs was staring at him now, though he wouldn't classify it as a glare just yet. "And _you…."_ Tony stopped himself, realizing how close he'd just come to insulting his boss' computer skills, or lack thereof. Now Gibbs was definitely glaring. "Uh, I meant to say that _you_ could figure out _anything_ you set your mind to, but you've kind of got your hands full with being the boss…., Boss…"

With one swift movement, Gibbs was flipping the switch to shut off the elevator and Tony's heart and stomach both sank at the same time. Suddenly it was dark and it felt like the walls were closing in. And his boss was standing in his personal space again, about two inches from his face.

"You going to spit out whatever you're trying to say sometime TODAY, DINOZZO?!"

Tony's anxiety had reached a peak, but he was not about to back down now. So, looking his boss straight in the eye and not giving an inch, he firmly stated, "I think we could use Agent McGee on our team."

Gibbs' eyes narrowed, closely examining the man in front of him. He had not been prepared for this at all. There was not a trace of humor or anything less than resolve on Tony's face, though there was a hint of fear that left him a bit unsettled. He realized with amazement that he and Tony had been thinking, separately, along the exact same lines, though he'd never have guessed it. Ironically, one of his major concerns about using McGee to assist them more often had been how Tony would react. He'd just sprung Kate on him and, given his reaction, it hardly seemed fair or even wise to expect him to adjust to the presence of yet another new agent in such a short period of time. Yet, here was Tony, seemingly the kid's biggest fan. That had to mean two things: first, that McGee had done something, or a combination of somethings, that had left quite an impression on Tony. Second, and perhaps even more important, Tony genuinely _liked _the kid. McGee would probably never realize what tremendous accomplishments those two things were, but Gibbs knew enough about Tony to realize it was highly unusual for him to warm up to anyone that quickly. Especially a colleague that could be viewed as a threat.

Gibbs relaxed his stance and backed off a few inches, but kept his gaze firmly fixed on Tony. "We don't have an opening on our team, DiNozzo."

"I know that Gibbs, but there are four-member teams and given the types of cases we handle, I think the Director could be convinced to make an exception. McGee's brilliant, he went to M.I.T. and John's Hop….Wait a minute, Boss." Realization suddenly dawned on Tony's face. "You never said how you knew the other day that McGee graduated from John's Hopkins. You've looked at his file!"

Gibbs knew he had to come clean with Tony. He'd done too much to try to gain his trust to risk breaking it now. "Director Morrow had me look at McGee's file when I had an opening on the team. Kid wants a transfer to D.C. But then we worked with Kate on the Air Force One case and…"

"And you hired Kate instead." There was no mistaking the slight tinge of accusation in Tony's statement, as if Gibbs had somehow personally betrayed him.

"Kate was clearly more qualified than Agent McGee."

Tony knew this to be true, but had momentarily felt annoyed thinking how much more he'd have enjoyed the past few months if McGee had been hired instead of Agent Todd. But of course Gibbs was right. Kate was clearly more qualified.

Seeing what appeared to be both resignation and disappointment on Tony's face, Gibbs added, "I can't add another full-time agent to the team right now with Agent Todd still training." He paused. _I hope I don't end up regretting this._ "But I think we could find a way to use Agent McGee here and there in the meantime."

He saw the look of hope on Tony's face. "Until?"

"Until we can add another full-time agent. And then we'll see."

Tony's face lit up in a genuine smile. "Thanks, boss!" He said it as if Gibbs had just done _him _a favor instead of Agent McGee, and the older man believed he had discerned why. It hadn't escaped Gibbs that Tony had been somewhat fearful of his reaction. His heart clenched just a little bit at how happy it had made Tony that he'd taken his suggestion seriously. Taken _him _seriously. He wondered just how often in his past life the young man had been made to feel insignificant to elicit such a response.

"Hey! Don't thank me yet. Before you get too excited – you realize most of the training's gonna fall on you. You sure you're up to that? Cause it's gonna be a long-term project with McGee and I don't wanna get stuck with it halfway through."

Gibbs was asking him for a commitment. And Tony was ready to give him one. "I'm up for it, Boss." _Besides, I couldn't do that to poor McGee. A couple of days with Gibbs and the poor kid might implode._

With a satisfied nod, Gibbs flipped the switch to restart the elevator.

"Don't think I don't know what you're up to. You're planning to torture that kid." Gibbs cast an amused sideways glance at his agent as he said the words.

With a smirk he couldn't quite contain, Tony answered, "Just a _little, _Boss." _Like, really a lot, _he silently added. He'd really meant everything he'd said about McGee, but he _may _have left out the part about how much fun he was planning to have at the younger man's expense. Though he'd have to be careful. McGee had gotten him pretty good with that joke about having "Mom" tattooed on his derriere. _Kid does have a wicked little sense of humor. I like it!_

As they stepped into the bullpen, Tony was still smirking. Gibbs was simply wondering how much more trouble he'd just bought himself.


	8. Chapter 8 - Maximum Insecurity

**Filler and tag for "Minimum Security." I must say, this is an **_**interesting **_**episode in many ways. Two things I've chosen to completely ignore – Abby referring to a very-much-alive mother even though we find out later she's been dead for years and Tony seeming to have never heard of "Shane" or "The Maltese Falcon." **

**Some of the oddities, however, Gibbs' behavior in particular, make great inspiration for fan fiction.**

**Maximum Insecurity**

It was 3am and Tony was still fuming. And wide awake.

Just twenty-four hours earlier, he'd been brimming with excitement. His first trip to Cuba, riding in a Gulfstream, things he'd have never had the opportunity to experience had he remained in Baltimore. Or Philly. And certainly not Peoria. Even waking up next to a particularly ugly reptilian creature in his bed this morning hadn't managed to ruin his spirits. No, that had been accomplished by two NCIS Special Agents, surprisingly neither of them named Caitlin Todd.

He had never intended to break Gibbs' Rule #10. Yeah, that one about not getting personally involved. He'd always been so good at keeping that one. Which had gone out the window when he'd laid eyes on Special Agent Cassidy – _Paula - _aka Reason #1 his mood was now in the toilet. It wasn't like he made a habit of letting his attraction to a beautiful woman affect his judgment. In fact, he'd come across plenty of lovely ladies in the course of his career, some perhaps more beautiful than Cassidy. Some were victims, some suspects, some just flat out guilty. _Which one is Paula? _He knew what his gut was telling him. It may not be as famous a gut as that of Leroy Jethro Gibbs, but it was still pretty darn accurate, and it told him Paula Cassidy was a victim. Of course, his boss hadn't identified that particular sentiment as coming from his gut. Or his brain. But he'd get to _tha_t in a minute. One problem at a time was all he could handle at the moment.

But, even though he felt confident that his belief in her innocence was based in his gut instinct, he couldn't deny that he'd let himself become emotionally involved. He'd felt that looking at Paula had been like gazing into a mirror of sorts, granted one that had made him much blonder, more petite, and definitely a prettier, and more feminine version of himself. It had been watching her dance at "La Floridita" that had caused him to make the connection. She'd danced with one man after another, but clearly none of them had meant anything to her, and when the dance had ended she had easily moved on. Hadn't that been the same "dance" he'd been doing for the past two years himself?

Since Wendy. _Wendy._ Speaking of his gut, the thought of her still caused a painful clenching feeling, even after all this time. He had never wanted to feel that way again, and had done remarkably well to ensure a favorable outcome in that regard up to this point. The string of ladies since then that even he had to admit were, at best, a mixture of bimbos, college co-eds, and those who were just plain "emotionally unavailable, " had done nothing to threaten the safety of a heart that was now so closely guarded.

But Paula was different. She'd told him she just liked to play the "game" and he had played right along with her, but he found himself wondering what hurts _she _used that particular game to hide from the world's prying eyes. In her, he'd recognized a kindred spirit and it had fascinated him. And, sure, it scared him. But the piece of himself he'd seen staring back at him through her lovely blue eyes, the vulnerable, slightly battered, frightened piece that they seemed to silently share between them, had somehow drawn him to her and bound him there. And made him want to protect her; to protect that piece of both her and of himself.

He refused to believe she was being duplicitous. He _knew_ she wasn't lying.

And that brought him to Gibbs. Reason #2. Reason that made him feel even _crappier _than Reason #1.

He didn't think Gibbs could have made him feel any smaller, any dumber, any more dismissed and disrespected than he felt right now if he'd tried. Come to think of it, he wasn't sure that his boss _hadn't _been trying. He'd been insulted by the man before. That was a sort of a game, too, one he'd enjoyed playing along with as long as he'd known it was just that – part of the game. When had it all become so _personal_? The rules apparently had changed, and no one had remembered to give him the new playbook.

What was it again that had ever made him think his boss respected his opinion? Or respected _him_? Because, clearly that had been just a part of the game too. And he was tired of playing.

Couldn't _anyone _just say what they mean and be who they really are?

The irony of that thought coming out of his own mind wasn't lost on Tony. Of course the answer was "no." He knew he was the star performer in the farce known as his life. He could hardly expect the other actors to step out-of-character when they were clearly taking the lead from him. But sometimes he really wished the curtain would come down already. And he could go back to being – _who, exactly?_ He wasn't even sure he remembered anymore.

* * *

3am and Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was also wide awake. But it wasn't anger keeping him up. It was something akin to guilt and worry, two emotions he'd never been comfortable with.

Sitting at the kitchen table of their temporary home-away-from home here on base, he'd lost track of how many cups of coffee he was on. Kate had been right-on-target in her assessment of his behavior earlier this evening, and she didn't know how close she'd come to hitting the mark on the reason for it. Or, one of the reasons.

"_Romance between agents, Kate. It never works."_

"_You speaking from experience?"_

Her name had been Jennifer Shepard. And like Paula Cassidy, she'd been an agent. A beautiful, smart, ambitious agent who, also like Cassidy, sometimes had a tendency to screw up. And he had been almost unbelievably naïve in thinking that he had meant as much to her as she had to him. But, when it had come down to a choice, she had chosen her career over building a life with him, and that had hurt more than he'd cared to ever acknowledge.

He saw the same qualities in Agent Cassidy. His gut told him Cassidy was a good person at heart, guilty only of overlooking a few red flags her interpreter had been throwing up in front of her. But there was also a certain coldness in her. She loved her country and she loved being an agent. He was sure she loved her family, too, judging by the letters he'd forced her to let him read. But she stopped short of giving her love to a man, and probably always would. She was simply married to her job.

On the surface, she and Tony were two sides of the same coin, but underneath he knew it was very different. Their love-'em-and- leave-'em approaches to relationships had earned them both a similar reputation amongst their colleagues. But Gibbs firmly believed that deep down Tony was still in some ways the young man he'd first met in Baltimore. That he still wanted what he'd briefly had, or thought he'd had, with Wendy but had simply been too devastated, too shellshocked, to try again. Gibbs didn't even believe half the stories of Tony's "conquests" and was certain the other half had been exaggerated. He'd watched the young man do anything and everything possible to ward off any woman who had a real chance at capturing his heart, until today. And he feared that what had made Paula Cassidy different in Tony's eyes would turn out to be simply an illusion.

Nevertheless, he was mentally kicking himself for the way he'd handled himself this evening. In an effort to protect Tony, he'd ended up being the one to hurt him, and he'd never intended that. Truthfully, the protectiveness he'd started feeling of late towards the younger man made him uncomfortable. He could no longer pass it off as merely that of a Team Leader shielding the members of his team from harm. It wasn't even akin to what he'd felt in the Marine Corp. Actually, he didn't know what to compare it to. It also wasn't the same protectiveness he'd felt towards Shannon and Kelly. But it was closer to it than anything he'd experienced in quite some time, and he had no idea what to do with it. DiNozzo was a grown man. Theoretically he could take care of himself. In practice, he had a tendency to get himself hurt in almost every imaginable way, and while he didn't question Tony's ability to pick himself up and keep going, Gibbs was learning that when Tony hurt, he hurt deeply and he healed slowly.

Gibbs well remembered the first days and months after Tony had officially joined his team. Coming fresh off of practically being dumped at the altar, Tony had tried to overcompensate with some pretty hard partying. He'd come in exahausted, or hung over, or both, on a few occasions. He was overly cocky, overly flirtatious, sometimes overly aggressive, all of which had earned him the wrath of Abby Sciuto, not to mention the dislike of most of the other agents in the building. It had been hard to watch, and he'd barely known Tony then.

He didn't know if either of them could go through it again.

* * *

If Kate had thought the tension was bad between her partner and her boss when Stan Burley had been around, she now realized it was nothing compared to this.

The past few days, she had begun to question her initial assessment of Tony DiNozzo. Sure, she'd chalked up his attraction to Paula Cassidy to endorphins in the beginning, but she'd subsequently seen something in Tony that she had not noticed before. She could swear he had real feelings beginning to develop for Agent Cassidy, and she'd been shocked by how…_vulnerable_...it had made him seem. The man who usually behaved as if nothing in the world could touch him had been alternating between disbelief, anger, hurt, and back to anger for the past couple of days. Now that their case was over and they were heading home tomorrow, Tony had settled on anger and instead of choosing a target, he'd simply decided to be mad at the entire world. DiNozzo had generally seemed pretty harmless to her in the past, but there was something decidedly dangerous about him when he was this worked up. She'd decided to give him a wide berth, but soon learned that their boss had another plan.

"You gonna pout all night, DiNozzo? She's not worth it."

Kate's eyes widened as she looked at her partner, not quite sure what to expect.

"Maybe _you _need to have a checkup on your gut cause you've been wrong about Paula all along. She was telling us the truth."

"Never said she wasn't, Tony. But you still let her play you."

With a bitter smile and glance in her direction, Tony responded, barley controlling his emotions, "Like I told Kate earlier, we were just playing a game."

"Yeah, Tony? You never did tell me who won."

Tony jumped up from his chair, and for just a brief moment Kate wondered if he might actually hit Gibbs. Instead he spat out, "That's because it's none of your damn business!"

Kate watched in disbelief as Tony practically flew out the front door, slamming it so hard the sound was still ringing in her ears moments later. Fearful of how their boss would react, she looked over at Gibbs, but instead of anger simply saw the same stunned disbelief that had been reflected in her own face.

"Why couldn't you just leave it alone? He's upset enough. Agent Cassidy already proved your point for you, didn't she?"

"Because he's still defending her and I'm not convinced she won't try to play him again, Kate."

"I think she was lying about that, Gibbs. She needed to convince you what a good liar she was so you'd let her do the interrogation."

"And she used Tony to do it. Either she was playing him from the start like she said, or she played him so she could do the interrogation. Does _that_ make you happy, Kate?"

"No, of course not. I just think you're being a little hard on her. She didn't know that Tony wasn't playing her for information either, not really. Like Tony said, they both like to play the game."

"Games can be dangerous. People get hurt."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, to you of all people, but don't you think you're maybe being a little overprotective?" Gibbs gave her a pointed glare. "Ok, dropping it…"

Gibbs suddenly felt weary. He knew he had to fix things with Tony somehow, but felt so far outside of familiar territory that he was at a loss for what to do next.

"Shouldn't you go after him? Or are you going to let him sit out there all night to teach him a lesson?"

Gibbs gave her an annoyed look, but he knew she was right. He had to go.

* * *

Gibbs found Tony sitting at the end of the driveway on the pavement staring straight ahead at some unknown fixed point that he had a feeling only Tony could see.

Disoriented and hearing a noise, Tony instinctively began to reach for his weapon.

Gibbs held his hands up in a defensive position and softly, with a hint of teasing, said, "Don't shoot."

Realizing it was just his boss, and not really in the mood to talk, Tony relaxed his position and resumed his staring, hoping Gibbs would get the hint and go back inside.

"I'm not the enemy, Tony."

With a humorless chuckle, the younger man responded, "Could've fooled me."

Gibbs decided to take a different approach and moved to sit down on the pavement next to his agent, causing his knee to pop loudly in the process.

In spite of his anger, Tony flinched in sympathy. The two men sat in a tense silence for what seemed like an eternity.

"Rule 12. Got it for a reason."

"Never date a coworker. I always assumed that meant on the same team. NCIS doesn't have a policy against agents dating who aren't on the same team."

"_My _rule, Tony."

Finally looking at him, Tony incredulously asked, "And how are you going to manage to enforce that?"

"Always hoped not to need to, DiNozzo."

"Well that's one of your rules that doesn't make any sense."

"Makes more sense than you realize. I've seen it ruin careers. Hate to see it happen to you."

"So, you don't think I can date Paula and still do my job, is that what you're saying to me? Thanks, by the way, for the vote of confidence."

"I trust you, Tony. I don't trust _her._"

"And you can't just trust that_ I_ trust her."

"_Do _you trust her?"

"Maybe."

"Well _that _was convincing."

What could Tony say? He really didn't know anymore. His gut was telling him that Paula really had felt something for him, but he was so drained from stress, from anger, from disappointment, he didn't have the energy to continue debating it with his boss right now. He tried to stifle a yawn, but it didn't escape Gibbs. Realizing how exhausted the man in front of him looked, Gibbs changed the subject.

"It's an early day tomorrow. We should both hit the rack." Gibbs stood up first, then on instinct offered his hand to help the younger man up. Tony hesitated a moment, but decided to take the offered assistance. He was practically dead on his feet.

Gibbs knew Tony was still angry with him and that they had a ways to go before being ok again, but just before they reached the door, Gibbs reached up and very briefly squeezed Tony's shoulder. It was Gibbs' way of saying he was sorry for goading the younger man, but Tony was far too tired to understand what it meant or even to care.

* * *

Tony had apparently decided, much to Gibbs' chagrin, to give Paula Cassidy a clean slate and start over. They'd laughed like two giddy teenagers all the way back from Gitmo. Gibbs silently wondered if some of that had been for his benefit.

Kate was feeling quite proud of herself for orchestrating the reconciliation between the two agents. Things seemed to be going very well between them now, and she knew Tony and Paula were planning to go out for drinks after work.

Tony had been asked to run something down to Abby, and Kate found herself alone in the bullpen with Agent Cassidy and Gibbs. Paula was standing near Tony's desk looking very uncomfortable and clearly wishing he would return. Kate thought about making small talk, but before she had a chance, Paula broke the silence.

"Look, Gibbs, I know you still don't trust me, but don't take it out on Tony."

"What makes you think I'm taking anything out on Tony, _Agent _Cassidy?"

"You've barely spoken to him."

"It'll be fine. Nothing you need to be concerned with."

Paula hesitated, as if considering whether or not to drop it. But she started again. "What _is _your problem with me seeing Tony, anyway?"

"You really wanna know?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

"I don't need a distracted agent."

"Tony's a professional. I'm guessing he can handle it."

"Yeah, well, I've heard you've distracted several _professionals _in your time with NCIS."

"_That's _your problem with me? "

"Only one of 'em."

"Yeah, well, from what I've heard about Tony, he's got quite the reputation himself. But since he's a man, I guess that isn't a problem for you."

"You don't know him. Not really."

"Is that so?"

Gibbs had walked over to where Paula was standing and they were now face-to-face. His eyes bore into hers and with an intense and slightly menacing glare, he repeated quietly, "_You. Don't. Know. Him."_

Before Paula had time to react or process the meaning behind Gibbs' words, Tony had appeared.

"You ready to go?"

With a triumphant glance in Gibbs' direction, she replied, "Anytime."

Tony turned his eyes towards his boss and with a look that said _you can't stop me, _he flippantly asked, "So should I bother showing up for work tomorrow, or am I fired for breaking rule 12?"

Gibbs simply rolled his eyes. Tony certainly had a flare for the dramatic. "You better be here on time, DiNozzo."

A few minutes after they'd left, Kate, who Gibbs had forgotten was still in the room, opened her desk drawer to retrieve something and came across her sketch pad, opened to a caricature of Tony she'd made what now seemed like ages ago, but was really just a few days. It was a drawing of a very juvenile-looking Tony panting after a faceless blonde. It dawned on Kate that she wasn't so sure the caricature fit any longer, and that reminded her of something Gibbs had said.

"Gibbs, when you told Agent Cassidy that she didn't really know Tony earlier, what exactly did you mean by that?"

Gibbs looked up from his desk and gave her a pointed look. "If you gotta ask, Kate, then you don't know him either."

She didn't realize it, but she'd try to decipher the meaning behind those words for the rest of her life.


	9. Chapter 9 - Four Times, Not Three

**Episode tag for "Marine Down." Sometimes Gibbs could use a little comforting, too.**

**Four Times, Not Three**

"Hey, does Gibbs seem ok to you?" Kate and Tony were on their way back from bringing the presumed-dead but very-much-alive Marine Major Peary back to his wife and children just in time for Christmas. Their boss had accompanied them, but they'd parted ways when a mysterious redheaded woman had appeared and whisked him away.

Tony's question slightly baffled Kate. He'd observed to her the other day that Gibbs had been "pissed" but she had wondered how he could tell. To her, when Gibbs _didn't _seem pissed, it was because he was sleeping. How Tony managed to pick up on any real or imagined nuances in their boss' mood was beyond her.

"Seemed fine to me, Tony. Maybe his shoulder's just bothering him." They had all just narrowly missed being blown up by a grenade in Columbia, but Gibbs had been the one most seriously injured. However, her boss didn't seem the type to be deterred by such a relatively minor injury, even if he had been forced to wear a sling for a few days.

"Yeah, I guess." Tony knew that wasn't the problem, but he also knew he couldn't possibly explain to his partner that his gut had been churning for the past few days. Kate still didn't believe in Gibbs' gut; she certainly wasn't going to believe in the accuracy of anything coming from his own.

Tony did have to concede that his relationship with his partner had been running more smoothly of late. She'd been uncharacteristically nice to him. Well, except for the drawing of himself he'd accidentally found on her sketch pad the other day, but she'd seemed embarrassed enough that he was convinced she was truly contrite about it. She'd even replaced the NCIS cap he'd destroyed at the shooting range, thanks to their boss. He genuinely wished he could have returned the favor, but brand new PDAs could be pricey.

He'd be thrilled about the newfound camaraderie between himself and his partner, except for the uncomfortable fact that he kept catching her _watching _him. In fact, she was doing it now. Not just watching. Studying, really. Had it been any other woman, he'd swear she had the hots for him. But this was Kate, and he knew that just wasn't possible. He couldn't figure out what it was she kept expecting him to _do _exactly, but it was getting completely out of hand. He felt like one of the specimens in Abby's lab.

Convinced he wasn't going to get any answers from Kate regarding his boss, and feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the scrutiny, he knew he had to make this stop. So he figured he'd do the thing every woman he'd ever known absolutely hated. When he pulled up to a stop light, he turned and spat out the window.

"EWWWW! Toneee!"

He put on his best innocent face. "Whaaaaat?"

Now she was glaring at him. "You are _so _disgusting." She turned away in a huff.

_That was way too easy. Why didn't I think of it sooner? _It was all he could do to keep himself from laughing out loud. Kate was so predictable.

* * *

At 2am, the lights were still on in Leroy Jethro Gibbs' basement. His lady friend had been gone for hours, but the room was eerily void of the sound of hand tools or sandpaper on this particular evening.

Gibbs was seated at his work table nursing another shot of bourbon. A vague thought passed through his mind that perhaps the bourbon was not such a great idea since he'd been on pain meds for his shoulder, but then he recalled that he'd decided to forego the last dose of his meds. He needed the bourbon more. Besides, the pain was part of his penance. That, and the picture of Shannon and Kelly in front of him with their beautiful faces and accusing eyes.

The holidays had always been especially difficult for Gibbs, but it was an innocent "error" on the part of his newest agent a few days ago that had started him down the black hole he currently found himself trapped in. Somehow, the assumption amongst his coworkers had long ago been made that Gibbs had been married three times, likely because there were only three ex-wives he'd ever spoken of. He had simply allowed that faulty assumption to stand, but until a few days ago, he'd never actually been forced to _lie _about it.

Then he'd heard Kate say that he'd been married four times. He had been unsure what to do, at first wondering if Kate could have possibly investigated his background and learned about his first wife and his child. But there had been no reason for Kate to do that, and she wasn't one to fake things very well. Her feelings were usually right there on display for the whole world to see, and he could tell that there was nothing there except for a bit of confusion as to how many times she'd been told he had been married. He could have allowed the error to stand, except for DiNozzo. His more senior agent was a top-notch investigator, in part, because he was nosy by nature, and that curiosity had been directed with increasing frequency in his own direction lately. If Gibbs hadn't corrected Kate on her error, Tony would have gotten suspicious. And a suspicious Tony means lots of questions. No, he couldn't risk that. So he'd lied. "It was three times, Kate. I've been married three times, not four."

He'd never spoken of Shannon and Kelly before to his colleagues. To most of his friends either, what few there had been. But he'd never had to deny their existence before, and it had felt like he'd committed the ultimate betrayal. He'd pulled out the picture of them he kept safely locked up in a drawer, away from prying eyes, and set it directly in front of him. _You can deny us, but you can't forget us, _they seemed to be saying. _We were real, even if you weren't here when we needed you. Even if you didn't protect us. Even if you want to pretend we didn't exist._

The idea that Leroy Jethro Gibbs never cried was a myth. He simply made certain that when he cried, he cried alone.

* * *

Tony was pacing his kitchen, the churning in his gut now a full-blown tempest keeping him wide awake in spite of the all-nighter they'd recently had to pull.

Unfortunately, he had absolutely nothing concrete to go on. Gibbs hadn't really done anything that far out of the ordinary, not to warrant a 2am phone call from his agent checking up on him. But his gut just wouldn't be quiet. _My gosh, I'm becoming Gibbs, _he thought with horror. _Most guys just turn into their fathers._

He guessed turning into Gibbs wouldn't be quite so bad after all.

_I could call Ducky. Or Abby. They could actually get away with calling Gibbs at 2:00 in the morning._ But what would he say? They were both so tight with Gibbs, they'd say something to him for sure. _"Why, I say, Jethro, is young Anthony quite all right? Do you know that he phoned me in the middle of the night and requested that I check in on your well being for absolutely no reason. I am afraid I am becoming concerned for his mental stability." _Or, "_Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! Are you ok? Cause Tony just totally freaked on me and I thought maybe you were sending him telepathic distress signals or something."_

No, he'd just have to come up with a really good reason for calling his boss in the middle of the night. One that wouldn't get him fired. Or killed. No problem.

_I'm so screwed._

* * *

Abby, Ducky, Kate, and Tony were all there now, in his basement, joining Shannon and Kelly with their accusatory gazes. Ducky, his old friend, spoke first, with a sad shaking of his head:

"Oh, Jethro, I am so _terribly _sorry. But why didn't you ever tell me? Does our friendship mean so little to you?"

"Of course not, Duck! I just….I _couldn't_….."

Next was Abby. "Gibbs!.." She was cut off by a sob. Then several sobs, louder and louder. She was inconsolable.

"Abby, I'm so sorry, don't cry…come here…" He tried to reach for her but she suddenly jerked away as if he'd burned her. She raced up the stairs and out of the room before he could catch her.

Kate was furious. "How _could _you? And _you_ became a Federal Agent? _You? _The biggest hypocrite on the face of the Earth? How do you sleep at night, anyway? How do you live with yourself? You belong in prison!"

"You…you weren't _there, _Kate….You don't know what it was like…He was gonna get away with it…He _had_ to be stopped…"

Tony had been silent, but was looking at him with this blank, empty stare.

"Tony, you have to understand…"

Quietly, devoid of any emotion, Tony interrupted sadly, "I thought you were different. I almost trusted you. You were like a hero to me. But you're just a fraud, like everybody else."

"No, Tony, listen to me. I'm human, I make mistakes. But you can still _trust _me…"

One by one, they walked out on him. He went to look at the picture of Shannon and Kelly, but they were gone too. All his pleas went unanswered and he realized he was left entirely alone…

Gibbs woke with a start to the sound of what he eventually recognized as his cell phone. He'd either fallen asleep or passed out – he honestly wasn't certain which. The picture of Shannon and Kelly was still there right where he'd left it. Still slightly groggy, he looked at his phone. DiNozzo. He'd have to call him back. After he'd pulled himself together.

* * *

"We caught a case, boss." _No, that won't work. He'll find out it's a lie and then he'll kill me._

"Don't panic, but I had a little accident and I'm in the E/R. But I'm fine! How are you, by the way?" _Gibbs is too smart for that. He'll be able to sniff out a fake injury. Besides, I'm not sure he won't actually drive to the E/R to find out if I'm telling him the truth. And he'll find out I'm not. And then he'll kill me. _

"There was a fire in our apartment building and I need a place to stay…" _Except there's no way he'd let me stay with him again after the last time, and besides he'll find out the fire thing is a lie. And then he'll kill me. _

_Great. All my options end in death._

_I'll just have to wing it._

He dialed. No answer. He was momentarily relieved to be off the hook, until he realized Gibbs had just broken his "Never be unavailable" rule. Now he was _really _worried.

* * *

His cell phone rang again. DiNozzo had the worst timing.

Suddenly he heard Shannon's voice. "Answer it, Jethro. Maybe he needs you."

Tony never called him in the middle of the night unless they had a case, and he knew his team wasn't on call tonight. His brain finally kicked into gear and he realized something may truly be wrong. He grabbed the phone.

"Gibbs."

"Boss?"

"Tony? What's wrong?"

"Uhhh…." _Crap!_ "Boss, you know that report I turned in to you before we left…please just trash it when you get back in the office…it's, um, full of…spelling…errors. I forgot to spell check. " _Lame, DiNozzo! Completely lame. He's definitely gonna kill me._

Gibbs was silent for several seconds and Tony briefly wondered if his boss had hung up on him. No such luck. "DiNozzo,…" very deep breath, "do you realize it's 2:37 in the morning? And that you've turned in about two thousand other reports with spelling errors?"

"Is it _that _late, Boss? I'm so sorry! I hope I didn't wake you or anything." Silence. "Did I? Wake you up I mean? Or were you working on your boat? Are you in the basement? Cause I don't hear you sanding. But you really probably shouldn't be sanding since you have an injured shoulder and all. How is your shoulder?"

_The more nervous DiNozzo gets, the more he rambles. And stops making sense. This could go on all night. _"Tony, I really don't have the patience for this right now. Why are you really calling me?"

_I get it, Boss. Get to the point. He's his usual grumpy self. Things couldn't be too bad. _"Are you ok, Boss? Cause you seemed a little…_off_…earlier."

"You calling to check up on me?" His tone was demanding and short, but Gibbs couldn't help the small surge of pride in his agent. Leave it to DiNozzo to sense that something's hinky. _His gut's getting almost as good as mine._ Things had been a little tense between them, still, since they'd returned from Cuba. While he was quite certain the subject of Paula Cassidy was still off-limits, it was nice to know that Tony wasn't still furious with him.

"Uh, well, you _did _hurt your shoulder. And we did get shot at. And had a grenade thrown at us. It was an exciting few days, actually. I just…thought with your arm in a sling…you might…need something?" Tony briefly remembered how frightened he'd felt a few days ago in Columbia. Their rogue CIA agent, with Major Peary his hostage, had demanded to see Gibbs. Alone. He and Gibbs had locked eyes for a moment, and Tony realized his boss was counting on him. He'd had to forcibly shove down the wave of panic that had threatened to overtake him just before he and Kate had taken down their suspect.

"I'll be just fine, Tony." _Maybe not quite fine. But better. _"You and Kate did good."

"Yeah, yeah of course you will. Boss, I'm so sorry, I feel really stupid for calling you in the middle of the night…" In spite of the rare praise he'd just received from his boss, Tony's insecurities were getting the better of him and he was wondering if he'd made a mistake by calling.

"Hey, DiNozzo, don't apologize. It's…"

"Sign of weakness and all, yeah, I know. But I do feel really bad. I hope you're not…gonna kill me or anything…"

"_Tony…"_

"Yeah, Boss?"

"I'm glad you called me. "

"You are?"

"DiNozzo," Gibbs sighed, "don't ever be afraid to call me. For _any _reason." He'd wanted to make that point to the young man for a while. This had seemed the best opportunity he was going to get. But best to just leave it at that for now. He was too emotionally drained to take it any further right now.

Tony started to speak and realized his boss had already hung up. He doubted that last statement was true. He was certain his boss was simply trying to alleviate his guilt for calling to check up on him. Maybe Gibbs was just feeling generous. Tis the season. But at least his boss wasn't going to kill him. This time. And his gut had stopped churning.

* * *

Looking at Shannon's picture, he imagined he could hear her voice again. "See, Jethro, it was important. There are people who still need you. And you need them, too."

_I'm not sure I'm very much help. He doesn't talk to me about anything important._

"But he will. And you'll be there for him."

_I hope so._


	10. Chapter 10 - CWC - Part I

**Filler and tag for "Left for Dead." This is a slightly different take on the episode from other stories I've seen in an effort to stay consistent with where I see Gibbs' and Tony's relationship at this particular point.**

**I started writing this and realized it was so long, it needed to be in 2 parts. So here is Part I, and Part II will be up in the next day or two.**

**Also, I want to take the time to thank everyone who has reviewed, followed, and favorited. I do read each and every review and try to take your thoughts and ideas to heart as much as possible. And to those who are reading anonymously, thank you, too!**

"**Conversation Without Communication – Part I"**

"Is this Agent Gibbs?"

"Yes, who is this?" Gibbs had been moderately surprised to receive a call at midnight that wasn't from someone on his team or any other recognizable number. He didn't exactly have a lot of friends, particularly not ones who called at this time of the night. He'd assumed maybe it was about a case, though he really hoped he wasn't going to have to drag his agents out of bed in the middle of the night yet again.

"This is George Richardson. I work in security at the Navy Yard."

"George, what can I do for you?" Security at the office was calling him? He knew this couldn't be anything good.

"Agent Gibbs, I'm very sorry to bother you at this time of night, but it's regarding one of your agents, Anthony DiNozzo?"

"Tony? Is he ok?" Somehow, some way, Gibbs had suspected this late-night call would end up having something to do with DiNozzo. At least this wasn't a call from the hospital again.

"He's fine and I didn't mean to alarm you, but I wasn't sure who else to call about this. Are you aware that your agent has been sleeping in the office for the past two nights?"

"Sleeping? What do you mean exactly? Has he been working late and falling asleep at his desk or something?"

"Uh, no, I mean he's been bringing in his sleeping bag and setting up camp behind his desk. This is the second night. I asked him about it earlier and he mentioned a boiler blew at his apartment and he doesn't have any heat or electricity. Look, I feel bad for the kid, and I know your team works some pretty strange hours and all, but he said the boiler wasn't going to get fixed for a month. I don't want to have to tell the Director about this, and I doubt he'd approve. I kind of figured maybe you'd know what to do."

Gibbs could feel his blood boiling. Tony hadn't said a word to him, and as far as he knew, not to anyone else either. Had he not just told his agent, not even two weeks ago, to call him anytime he needed to? Instead, Tony apparently thought it preferable to sleep in the office in a sleeping bag for the next month. He was starting to seriously wonder how dense the kid could be. He wasn't going to let Tony go homeless for a month, that much was certain. But he could make him squirm just a little bit longer. _He's gonna be lucky if I don't strangle him._

"George, I'll take care of this, but I need you to do me a favor. Tell my agent he has a couple more days but by then he's going to have to find another place to sleep. I can cover with the Director until then. But I need you to not tell him you talked to me. Can you do that?"

"Sure thing, Agent Gibbs. But I hope the kid has a place to go. I don't want to be responsible for putting him out on the street or anything. I'd sure feel bad."

"Don't worry about that, he'll have a place to go." _The nimrod already has a place to go if I could get it through his thick skull._ "You did the right thing calling me."

"I sure appreciate you taking care of this, Agent Gibbs. I'll go talk to him now."

* * *

Tony had just finished setting up his sleeping bag when he heard the ding of the elevator. _Great. How am I gonna hide this? And who would be coming in at this time of night?_

He quickly rolled up the sleeping bag, shoved it under his desk and dove into his chair. Then he frantically searched for a file, piece of paper, anything he could pretend to be working on.

"Oh, Agent DiNozzo, I didn't realize you were planning to do some work, too."

_Oh, good, it's just George. _"Oh, hi, George. Uh, just reading over a report. I was getting ready to turn in though. What's up?"

"Well, I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm not very comfortable with having you sleep here every night for such a long period of time without the Director's approval. I can give you a few more nights, but I'm afraid you're going to have to find some other place to sleep. It'd be one thing if you were just working late here and there, but it doesn't really look good to have a homeless agent living in the office if you understand what I mean."

Tony's heart sank at the news. "Sure, George. I understand. No problem." He gave his best fake smile to the guard. George really was a nice guy, and he was just doing his job.

"Good, I'm glad you understand. Meanwhile, uh, have a good night, Agent DiNozzo."

"Thanks, George. Night."

_Now what am I going to do? _Tony rearranged his sleeping bag and crawled into it, but his mind was racing too much to fall asleep. He'd now be forced to ask his coworkers for a place to stay. He really didn't have the money to stay in a hotel for that long, and he _certainly_ was not calling his father to borrow it from him.

It wasn't that Tony didn't like his coworkers, or his boss, for that matter, but he had his reasons for not wanting them to know about his current situation. First and foremost, there was the time he'd had to stay with Gibbs last July. He'd been injured on the job in a confrontation with a suspect and had a slight concussion. Not bad, but enough that he couldn't be left alone, and it had been late by the time the hospital had released him, so his boss had offered, _ordered _really, for Tony to come stay with him. All well and good except for the fact that Tony had, without thinking that he'd be with his boss for the evening, taken the painkillers offered to him by the hospital. From there, he didn't really want to remember the rest. And he mostly didn't, as a matter of fact. But he knew it had to have been bad.

Then there was the embarrassment of not having any friends or family to stay with. The family part he supposed was easily explainable. His father was in New York. Or out of the country. Or, pretty much anywhere except anywhere that was near his son. He had no other family he was close to, and that fact was common knowledge. However, he'd very carefully built this image of himself as "that guy." You know, the one with six black books, a new girl every weekend. The life of the party. Unfortunately, there weren't really as many girls as he'd like people to think, and the ones there were – they probably were no longer speaking to him, much less offering him company and a place to sleep. Paula had gone back to Gitmo. His only "friends" were his college buddies, and the only ones of those he considered true friends lived out of state.

His life, since joining NCIS, had basically become his job. His coworkers had taken the place of "friends," though he seemed to be the only one in on it. He and Abby went out every now and then, but only on special occasions. He_ felt_ pathetic, but he really didn't want to have to prove himself to be so in front of his coworkers. Now he had to decide which of them he was going to ask and risk revealing himself for the loser he was starting to believe he really was .

* * *

Gibbs had fallen asleep in his basement, on his boat to be exact. He'd been waiting on a call from DiNozzo all night, figuring Tony would finally break down and call him once George told him he couldn't make NCIS his month-long campground. Hours had passed, the call hadn't come, and Gibbs had given up and fallen asleep. Boy, was he gonna kill DiNozzo. _If he ever calls, that is. _

Then, finally, a little after 5am, Dinozzo called him. Unfortunately, he had just fallen asleep and was still a little out of it.

But Tony wasn't _exactly _calling to tell his boss about his current predicament. No, they had a case. So, Gibbs casually asked if Tony was calling him from the office. _Oh, yeah, Boss, no big deal, the boiler blew in my apartment and it's freezing outside and I don't have heat or electricity…_Or he'd said something like that, at least. _Like it had just happened a few hours ago instead of a few DAYS ago…_Then it had been back to the case again. Gibbs started to remember again how angry he was at DiNozzo for not telling him any of this sooner. Then, instead of actually asking Gibbs for a place to stay, Tony did his usual dance-around-the-subject jig – the one he did when he was too afraid and insecure to simply say what he was thinking. _You know, Boss, since you're usually up all night working on your boat…_Gibbs cut him off. He knew it was a cruel trick, but he was ticked off. He used Tony's fear against him: he reminded him of the last time he'd been a house guest at Gibbs' place. And then he'd ended the conversation before Tony could respond.

_You're going to finally learn something from this, Tony. And this time, you're going to remember it._

* * *

Tony's heart sank again. It was one thing to wonder if you'd made a complete idiot of yourself, but it was far worse to have your fears confirmed.

He'd been awake half the night trying to choose who from NCIS he was going to reveal his rather sad situation to and had ended up selecting his boss, remembering their odd conversation just before Christmas. The man _had _said to call him anytime. Tony usually found that people made broad statements like this without really meaning them, but this was Gibbs, and he could never be accused of being like "most people." So he'd tried to bring it up in a very casual way to get a feel for how Gibbs might react. He supposed he'd gotten it.

_So, my last stay at Gibbs' house really was as bad as I suspected. I'd always sort of hoped it was the drugged haze that made it seem that way. So much for "Call me anytime." I guess he should've amended it to, "Call me anytime unless you need a place to stay." I can't really blame him. I don't suppose I'd really want me as a house guest either. Not after that._

_Guess I'll have to try Ducky._

* * *

"Ducky, rise and shine, we've got a case."

"Well, good morning to you, too, Jethro! May I ask the circumstances?"

"Jane Doe. Buried alive in Rock Creek Park. Has amnesia. Says she thinks there's a bomb on a Navy ship."

"Oh, _my. _Should I assume there is no body for me to examine?"

"Never assume, always double check."

"Jethro, I did not realize I was subject to your rules, but of course you make a valid point. May I ask if there is something else bothering you?"

"Oh, just the usual, Duck. I'm gonna kill DiNozzo."

"Ahh, I feared your mood might be related to young Anthony somehow. What has he gotten himself into this time?"

"Been sleeping at the office for two days. No heat or electricity at his place for a month. I found out from the security guard last night. Tony just brought it up to me this morning, but only after I made the security guard tell him he's evicted in a couple of days. "

"Oh, dear. So he will be staying at your place I assume?"

"Yeah, only he doesn't know it yet. And don't you tell him either! I'm gonna scare the crap out of him. And if he asks you, you tell him no, you hear?"

"Are you certain this is wise? Perhaps you should just try talking to him."

"I _have _talked to him, Ducky! He's stubborn and pigheaded…"

"Yes, not unlike someone else I know. Are you sure you've spoken with him sufficiently? Perhaps you weren't clear enough? I know conversation isn't your forte, Jethro, even when you mean well."

"Ducky, I told him just two weeks ago to call me any time he needs to, for anything. What part of that is unclear?"

"It sounds like a clear enough message, but you know Anthony. Sometimes one needs to show him these things."

"That's what I'm doing."

"Yes, tough love I believe it's called. But please be careful with the poor boy, Jethro. There are times when tough love can be a bit too heavy on the 'tough'. I remember this one incident when I was at university…"

"I'll be careful in a couple of days. Once I see he's got the message. See ya at the crime scene, Ducky." Click.

Ducky sighed. He really didn't want to tell Tony no. _Jethro, my friend, I fear one day your plans are going to backfire on you. And poor Anthony will be caught in the crossfire._

* * *

_I can't believe Ducky was so cold to me._

Tony was particularly nervous about broaching the subject of staying at Ducky's place. Ducky was a wonderful man, but Tony really didn't know him very well. His boss, he knew, was close with the M.E., their relationship going back several years to when Gibbs had joined NCIS. Gibbs thought very highly of Doctor Mallard, even if he had little patience at times with the rambling stories the older man could be prone to.

_Gibbs must've warned him. He knew what I was going to ask before I could even get the words out. And he was obviously uncomfortable. He couldn't walk away fast enough when I mentioned that I didn't even know where he lived. _

_Oh, crap. Gibbs probably told him all about the last time I stayed with him. How humiliating._

_I'm running out of options here. Abby's having some big party tonight, so I can't ask her until at least tomorrow. _

_And I'd sleep on a park bench before I'd ever ask Kate._

* * *

Gibbs had barely controlled his anger towards DiNozzo at the crime scene this morning. He sent Ducky away to look for a non-existent body just so the poor man wouldn't have to be caught between him and Tony any more than necessary. When they'd been alone, Gibbs had taken a good look at his agent. _Wearing his sunglasses, probably hoping no one will notice the bags under his eyes. _He'd been rambling something about Gibbs sending Ducky away on purpose to get a break from his stories. _Is that how he thinks of me? _

Later on, he'd briefly caught Tony's conversation with Ducky. Tony's _very_ brief conversation with Ducky. He'd been even more indirect with the ME than he'd been when he'd very awkwardly tried to ask Gibbs for a place to stay this morning and Ducky had uncomfortably cut him off and walked away. Gibbs didn't miss the hurt surprise on Tony's face. He was tempted to put an end to this now. But he really needed to get his agent's attention and he wasn't certain he quite had it yet.

_What are you gonna do now, Tony? Doesn't feel so good not to be taken seriously, does it?_

* * *

Gibbs strolled into Abby's lab early the next morning with a Caf-Pow and a question.

"Did Tony ever ask you about staying at your place yesterday?"

"No," Abby sighed. "But he knew I was having a party there last night, so I didn't really expect him to. Gibbs, when are you going to end this?"

"Soon, Abby, be patient."

"It's hard to be patient, Gibbs. It feels like you're jerking him around, and I don't like it. What _did_ happen between the two of you last time anyway?"

"That's between Tony and me." _More Tony than me…_

"If he asks me today, I won't say no to him."

"I know that. I'm counting on it. It'll just be for one night, I promise. Then he'll be staying with me. Once he and I have a little talk."

* * *

Abby could have sworn Tony was going to ask her about staying at her place earlier, but he didn't. She really hoped he hadn't taken something she'd said the wrong way.

Apparently Kate had offered her spare bedroom to their Jane Doe and must've made some comment this morning about getting out of having to offer it to Tony. Abby couldn't imagine that Tony would ever ask Kate to stay with her. He would see that as the ultimate humiliation.

Still, she thought, he must have felt a little hurt by Kate's comment. It had been practically the first thing he'd told her when he and Gibbs walked into the lab, just before Tony had discovered the inscription on the key. He'd said something about Kate preferring to offer her room to a stranger rather than to him. Abby had been thinking that it wasn't surprising to hear that coming from Kate. She adored Kate, but she also realized her new friend had a certain view of Tony – one that wasn't accurate, though Tony bore a lot of the responsibility for that. _What was it I said? Something sarcastic. _

Abby had a sudden very bad feeling. Like maybe Tony had thought that she was agreeing with Kate. _But, he knows better than that, doesn't he? _She looked at the clock and realized it was very late. Wherever Tony was now, he would likely be there for the rest of the night.

_Besides, Gibbs would have found out by now that Tony wasn't staying with me tonight and would've brought him to his place._ _Maybe they had that talk a day early._

_I hope._

* * *

Tony looked around at the empty bullpen. _Well, one way or another, this is the last night I'll be sleeping here, I suppose._

He had completely lost hope that he could room with any of his coworkers. The last straw had been Abby's sarcastic comment. _Shocking. _So, he supposed Abby meant that she'd have done the same thing had she been in Kate's position. Offer her room to anybody except him.

_Nice to finally know what they think of me._

So, Tony was valuable to them as an agent, but as a human being he was just a piece of –

"Agent DiNozzo?"

_Oh, no. George._

Tony sat up. "Hey, George."

"I hope I didn't wake you. Look, I was just wondering if you'd found a place to stay yet. It's been a couple of days and…"

"Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you. I got that taken care of. This will be my last night here. Don't worry." He put on his best smile again.

"I'm so relieved to hear that. Sorry to bother you. Have a good night!"

"Thanks, George. You, too."

_Yep, tomorrow night I'll be breaking out the thermal underwear. And sleeping back in my cold, dark apartment. _There were homeless people who had it a lot worse for a lot longer, he supposed. Time to just "man up." _At least now I know where I stand. _

* * *

"Gibbs, please tell me Tony stayed with you last night."

Gibbs felt his stomach lurch just a little. "What do you mean did he stay with me? He was supposed to stay with you."

"Uh-oh, Gibbs."

"Abby…don't 'uh-oh Gibbs' me. What happened? Why didn't Tony stay with you?"

"I don't _know _Gibbs. He never asked me. I guess he could've found another place to stay, but…"

"But, what?"

"But, when I thought about our conversation yesterday I realized I may have accidentally hurt his feelings. Remember when he told me about Kate and I said, 'Shocking'? Gibbs, I _totally _meant to direct that at how Kate was acting. But I think maybe he didn't take it that way."

_Oh, DiNozzo. Leave it to you to assume the worst._

"Gibbs, I feel _terrible."_

"Not your fault. I'll fix it Abby."

"You better."

* * *

"My door's unlocked."

_Yeah, your door's unlocked, but you don't really want me to use it. You just feel guilty because we could've all just died. Right before that, you couldn't wait to remind me that the last disaster was only six months ago. _

Tony had made one last-ditch effort at asking his boss again. It was getting really cold outside, and he'd experienced a brief moment of panic at the thought of sleeping in his apartment without any heat. So, out of near desperation, he'd tried just once more. And failed.

And then the bomb had gone off and now, _now, _his boss was deciding to be all generous. Only Tony wasn't feeling quite so generous himself.

"I know." _I know, but that doesn't mean I'm coming over. Maybe I _am _pathetic, but I'm still not that desperate._

* * *

Gibbs had been following Tony in his car, but was taken aback when the younger man took the left turn that would take him to his own apartment instead of the right turn that led to Gibbs' house.

Gibbs immediately followed him and picked up the phone to dial Tony's number.

"What."

"DiNozzo, I don't know where you think you're going, but my house is the other direction."

"I'm not going to your house, I'm going to mine."

Gibbs' anger was starting to flare up again, but this time Tony plenty of his own to match. "Your place doesn't have heat or electricity, remember? I thought we just had this conversation and you agreed you were coming to my place."

"_Conversation? _That's what you call those five words we just exchanged? No wonder you've been divorced three times."

"DINOZZO! You get your butt to my house! NOW!" Click.

_Ok, Boss. I'll play your game. But when I finish with what I have to say to you, it just might be the last "conversation" we ever have. _

_**To be continued…**_


	11. Chapter 11 - CWC Part II

**Part II – Hope you enjoy!**

**Conversation Without Communication – Part II**

As Gibbs stood face-to-face with his would-be houseguest in his living room, he took note of Tony's defensive posture and hostile glare that could easily rival any one of his own. He knew he had to get a handle on the situation quickly, and so decided to take charge of the conversation. Unfortunately, the interpersonal communication-challenged older man did so in exactly the wrong way.

In a tone normally used for suspects, Gibbs curtly gestured towards the couch and demanded, "Sit. We need to talk." It was all the impetus Tony needed to break his silence.

"_Sit?_ Like, what, your puppy dog? No, I'll stand, thank you very much, since I'm not staying. And I sure hope you meant the 'we' in that statement, because I have a_ lot_ to say."

"Yeah, well, I have some things to say, too, Tony." He tried to keep his tone calm and unthreatening.

"That would be something different for you, wouldn't it, _Boss? _ But if you don't mind, I've decided to go first." Tony took a few steps closer to Gibbs, and looking him dead in the eye, lowered his voice. "I do _not _need or want your pity, your sympathy, or your charity. Or anybody else's. I've been taking care of myself just fine for years. You've made your feelings perfectly clear, so I'm here to tell you that you're off the hook. You and your…_guilt_…or whatever it is that made you finally ask me to come here tonight. Oh no, _wait, _that's right – you _didn't _actually ask me here. It was more of a subtle hint. 'My door's unlocked.' Maybe you were inviting me to _rob _you instead and I just misunderstood. Bet that happens to you a lot, man of almost-no-words that you are. My mistake. _Again._ Cause that's what it always comes down to isn't it? _DiNozzo screwed up again._ I can't wait to hear how this is somehow all _my _fault. Cause that's what you wanted to say to me, right, Gibbs?"

"There are some things you don't know, Tony. "

"There always are. Please, _enlighten _me."

"I always intended to have you stay here, it's just…" Gibbs was interrupted by Tony's bitter laughter. He realized, too late, just how weak that had sounded.

"_Really, _Boss. C'mon! You can do better than that. The old 'But, really, I was going to tell you….' The one the poor chump in the movies always hears right after he finds out everyone else knew the big secret but him."

Gibbs had tried to be patient, but patience not being a particular strength of his, he started to lose his temper again. "If you'd shut up long enough, DiNozzo, I could explain this to you."

"There we go, now we're getting to the _real_ Gibbs. I can't _wait_ to hear _this_."

Gibbs paused a moment to clamp down on his increasing temper and then continued. "The truth is, DiNozzo, I was pissed at you and it just got out of hand."

Tony was incredulous. "I _knew _you would make this my fault! You think I blew up the boiler in my apartment building on purpose? So, what, I could come over and enjoy your incredibly warm hospitality?"

"No, Tony, that part wasn't your fault. Keeping it from everybody for days – _that _part was your fault."

Now his agent was truly amazed. "You _knew?_ Are you _spying _on me now?"

"The security guard called me. What did you _think _would happen, DiNozzo? You were just gonna sleep in the bullpen for a month? And nobody was gonna notice?"

"When? When did he tell you?"

"The night before you finally told me. After you'd already been there _two nights_ already. And then you only told me cause he said you had to leave in a couple of days."

The realization hit Tony suddenly. His eyes narrowed. "Yes, how convenient for you that I finally _had _to tell you. Because you put him up to it! You think I'm stupid? You set me up, didn't you?"

If it was even possible for Leroy Jethro Gibbs to both look and sound sheepish, Tony would have sworn he did just then. "I didn't mean for it to go this far. Or to go on for so long. But like I said, I was pissed."

"And the others? Abby? Ducky? Kate?"

"In on it too. Except for…"

"Except for Kate, of course. It was much easier for her to say no when she could take her cues from the people I thought of as my _friends. _The people who acted like I was such an inconvenience. Do you have _any _idea how you all made me…_" No, stop there, Tony. Too much information. _

But Gibbs filled in the blanks. The full realization of what he'd done had finally hit him. "Feel, Tony? How we made you feel?"

Gibbs could read those feelings on Tony's face for just a split second, but then he quickly turned his face away from view. "I think this conversation is over. Like I said, I'm not staying."

Tony practically made a run for the door and Gibbs knew he had to get his attention quickly or it may be too late. "I screwed up, Tony." _Well that got his attention._

"Come again, Boss?" This time Tony was facing him, clearly wondering if Gibbs, _the _Leroy Jethro Gibbs, had just admitted to him, to _him, _of all people, that maybe, just maybe, he was wrong.

Gibbs hated admitting failure more than anything, really, but he knew not only that it may be his only chance, but also that it was the truth. So, just a bit louder, with more decisiveness, he repeated himself. "_I screwed up, Tony."_

Tony searched his boss' face for any sign of trickery or deceit, but finding none, he was suddenly very amused. Smirking, he decided he wasn't ready to let go of the moment just yet. "Do ya _think, _Boss?"

Gibbs felt a surge of relief. Tony was turning his own words on him. He suspected the younger agent had been looking for an opportunity to do that for a long time. And if Tony was joking, then he must believe him. And if Tony believed him there was still hope of salvaging this. "I _think_ I could use some coffee, DiNozzo. " Gesturing again towards the couch, but more gently this time, he added, "Sit. We need to talk."

Tony thought the words sounded much better the second time around, softened as they were by the helpful serving of crow his boss had just eaten.

* * *

After four uncomfortable nights spent on the bullpen floor, and nothing to go home to other than the freezing cold, Tony thought it might be worth sitting in Gibbs' living room and at least hearing what he had to say while he soaked up some of the warmth from the fire his boss had started in the fireplace. Besides, you never knew what other earth-shattering events might occur on a night like this one. He'd already almost been blown up _and _gotten the closest thing to an apology that he figured a person ever received from Gibbs. He was getting kind of used to being almost blown up, but the apology thing was truly a once-in-a-lifetime event. _Ok, not exactly an apology. But an admission of guilt. Just as unlikely coming from Gibbs._

His boss soon showed up with two cups of coffee, and much to Tony's surprise, a container of hazelnut flavored coffee creamer, which happened to be Tony's favorite, and several packages of sugar. He briefly wondered what his boss was doing with hazelnut creamer in his house, but his train of thought was interrupted. Gibbs was ready to talk again, it seemed.

"So, why didn't you tell anybody?" _Leave it to Gibbs to go straight to the point._

Tony wasn't about to tell Gibbs how afraid he'd been of being rejected, although he feared he'd already revealed too much to his boss earlier on that front. He did give him a little more than usual, though, mainly because he couldn't come up with anything else. "I was kind of embarrassed, actually, boss."

"That doesn't make any – " _No, don't say it like that. _"There's no reason to be embarrassed about needing a place to stay, DiNozzo. If my house burned down, you think I should feel embarrassed?"

"No, not that. Just, that I didn't have anywhere else to go. Boss, I…actually don't have that many friends in D.C." _Oh, no, that sounded pathetic. "_What I mean," Tony recovered quickly, "is that I have lots of friends who are out of town but I haven't had time to meet that many people here in D. C. because we work so much." _Definitely better._

"Said earlier that you thought we were your friends. So you do have friends in D.C. but you didn't ask them."

_Did I actually say that? What was I thinking? _"I meant work friends. Different from friend friends. I mean we work together and we're friendly, so we're work friends. But not the kind of friends where you just invite yourself over."

_Gibbs is looking at me really funny. I hate it when he does that. _"So how does a person become your "friend" friend, Tony, when you won't tell them anything."

"By not lying to me and manipulating me for one thing, _Gibbs." That got him._

The older man nodded, acknowledging that Tony wasn't quite ready to forgive him yet. "Point taken. But before that, you could've called me. Told you that before, remember?"

"Boss, people say stuff like that all the time. It doesn't mean they actually _mean _it. Besides, there was what happened the last time."

Gibbs paused at Tony's statement and put his coffee mug down on the coffee table. "Tony, about that."

_No, no, no. I really don't think I want to talk about that. Not tonight. _"Boss, it's ok, really. Believe it or not, I _do _understand why you might be hesitant to take me in for a whole month after experiencing…_that. _ Maybe we can just drop it?" _Please?_

"That's the thing. What are we dropping?"

"Huh?"

"What exactly was _that_? The thing that was so bad that you think you did?"

_What is he doing? Trying to trick me again? Does he know I don't really remember that night very well? _Tony quickly tried to cover. "C'mon, boss, you _know."_

"No, I really don't. I know you said something to Abby the next day about it not going well. She asked _me _what happened and I had to play along to keep from embarrassing you. I couldn't think of anything that was so bad." Gibbs gave Tony a searching look. "You don't really remember either, do you?"

"I remember something about knocking over your coffee and breaking your mug." Tony flinched. "And you trying to keep me out of your basement. The details are kind of fuzzy, boss, actually."

"_That's _what you remember? And how was that so horrible?"

"C'mon it was your _coffee_, boss. And the basement thing, I felt like I was intruding and you were really mad."

"Tony, you were on painkillers. And they must've really messed with your brain. First the coffee - " Gibbs paused to smile at the memory, "you thought you saw a giant bug threatening my coffee and you tried to 'save' it." Gibbs was actually laughing now. "You lunged for it and shoved the whole mug right off the counter."

"Well gee that's not embarrassing at _all_, boss…"

Gibbs was laughing even harder. "It was actually very heroic of you, Tony. The look on your face was," Gibbs then realized Tony wasn't laughing with him. His face was flushed with humiliation. "DiNozzo, it was _funny._ I was never mad at you. You had a concussion and you were high on painkillers. I expected you to be a little off. You were staying with me for a reason."

"What about the basement? You were definitely angry I was down there."

"I was never angry, Tony. What do you remember?"

"I needed to ask you a question. I can't remember what, but I couldn't find you and I realized you were in the basement, but the door was closed. And I waited a while but I really needed to ask you so I just came in and started down the stairs but you stopped me and were really mad."

"That's not quite how it happened. I looked up and saw you coming, only you got dizzy and started to take a header down the stairs. I had to run over there and catch you…." _And then I yelled at him cause he scared me half to death. _

"I didn't remember the falling part. But I _know _you were really angry with me. I remember that part. You asked me something about what I thought I was doing. And I think there was cursing."

Gibbs brushed his hand over his face. "Tony, I was upset because you came running down the stairs with a concussion and got dizzy and almost fell and killed yourself. You startled me. I wasn't really mad at you." _Come to think of it, Tony did start acting really funny after that. Said something about closed doors and knowing better than to interrupt. _

Tony then thought of something that made his anger flare up again. "You were never angry with me, but you used it against me! You knew I _thought _you were angry and you let me keep thinking it anyway!"

"Tony, all I knew was that you made some offhand comment to Abby once about things not going so well when you stayed with me. I didn't realize _how_ big a deal you thought it was til I saw how seriously you took me when I brought it up the other day. And I said I screwed up, Tony. I get pissed and do dumb stuff. Probably will again. If you're lookin' for perfect, you're not gonna find it here. But like I said, I always intended for you to stay with me."

"How am I supposed to believe you? You manipulated me. _Again. _Don't think I don't know what that was with Stan Burley before. I don't care what your intentions were, you were _wrong._"

"Yeah. But I _am _trying, Tony. I need you to help me out here."

"Trying to _what?_ That's what I don't understand. I at least got what you were trying to do with Stan. What point were you trying to prove here?"

Gibbs had an idea, suddenly remembering something Ducky had told him. _I should have just listened to him to begin with. _Ducky had said something about Tony needing to be shown things.

"Tony, let me show you something."

"I've already seen your basement, boss."

"Not in the basement. In the kitchen. And the guest room."

They went to the kitchen first. Gibbs opened the pantry and Tony saw….junk food. Doughnuts.._I love doughnuts for breakfast…_chips. More hazelnut creamer. Then he noticed there was a magnet on the refrigerator that hadn't been there before – and it was the phone number to his favorite pizza place.

"Boss…"

"Not done yet. Guest room."

Tony believed Gibbs now. He knew the man hadn't been home all day and couldn't have bought all that stuff right after having the sudden change of heart outside of BFF that evening. But he still didn't get the point of the whole thing.

They entered the guest room and Tony's eyes landed on the television. And the DVD player. "How long have you had a DVD player, Boss?"

"Yesterday."

"This isn't the same tv either."

"That one's still in the basement. This I got yesterday, too. Figured you'd go crazy without one for a whole month. Got some DVDs. Abby helped too."

Tony was surprised to say the least. Then his eyes landed on the DVDs. There was a shelf filled with them. Not old John Wayne movies that Gibbs would watch either. Almost every Bond movie was there, along with some classics that he knew weren't that easy to find. He realized these were all movies he'd loved. He'd talked about them. Some of them he thought he'd only mentioned in passing. But then, he didn't think he'd made _that _big a deal over eating doughnuts for breakfast either. Someone had to be paying attention to remember these kind of details.

A thought crossed his mind. He didn't think his father, with all effort he put into trying to impress him with expensive gifts, had ever gotten a single one right. The man was still sending him things he'd never use. Yet, here was a man he'd only known a couple of years, his _boss, _someone with no obligation to him, no responsibility for him, someone with tremendously awful social skills, someone who lived up to that second "b" in his name more times than Tony cared to remember. And _he'd_ inexplicably been paying close enough attention to get it right.

Gibbs didn't miss the shock and then the sudden, brief look of sadness on Tony's face. The shock he understood. The sadness he hoped Tony could tell him about one day. But not tonight.

"DiNozzo, can we get your stuff out of the car before it gets any colder?"

Tony sighed. "Yeah, Boss. Just one more thing though."

Gibbs paused and Tony caught his eye. "Do not _ever _manipulate me like that again."

A silent nod told Tony that his boss had gotten the message.

* * *

Tony lay in the bed in Gibbs' guest room thinking of slightly evil ways to get back at Abby and Ducky for their respective parts in Gibbs' plan when his cell phone rang. _Who on earth would be calling me right now? _

He sleepily answered without bothering to look at the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Tony, this is Kate."

Remembering how upset Kate had been when they'd left her earlier, Tony felt immediately concerned. "Kate, you ok?"

"Yeah, I, um…listen. I know I was out of it earlier but I just realized that I didn't know if you had a place to stay tonight. Look, you are welcome to stay in my guest room, Tony. "

Tony couldn't help feeling touched at the gesture, particularly considering the ordeal his partner had been through earlier, not to mention the fact that he knew how much he annoyed her. And he had to admit that most of it was on purpose.

"Thanks, Kate. I actually found a place to stay. But I really appreciate it. Are you ok?"

"I'll be fine, Tony. I just can't believe I got so personally involved. Gibbs was right. But, you didn't say who you're staying with. Anyone I know?"

"Uh, I'm just staying with…a friend." He hoped it was true.


	12. Chapter 12 - Dinner, Gibbs Style

**Episode Tag for "Eye Spy." This episode takes place about a week after the events of "Left For Dead," and even though no reference to it is made during the episode, I am following the assumption that Tony is still staying at Gibbs' house during this time.**

**This one is definitely lighter in tone than the last two, because our two favorite guys could probably use the break.**

**Dinner, Gibbs Style**

"Case is closed, Kate. Go home."

Her boss had no idea just how much she welcomed those words, Kate thought with relief. She had a rare date tonight, one she hadn't been certain she would be able to keep. The last two nights had been spent working, the first staking out a computer geek with her boss and the second setting up and subsequently apprehending the scorned wife of their murdered Lieutenant. She briefly wondered if Gibbs had somehow managed to discern her plans for the evening, since he so often managed to inexplicably know things he reasonably had no way of actually knowing. _No way. Gibbs isn't the romantic type. _Fearing he could have some last-minute change of heart, Kate quickly shut down her computer and bid him a good night.

"Night, Kate." _Enjoy your date._

As he watched Kate leave, he wondered where his other agent had run off to. He'd had a dual purpose for sending Kate on her way. His team had worked exceptionally hard the past couple of days, and she did deserve to enjoy her evening out. But, he'd also needed her to leave so he and Tony could speak freely, whenever DiNozzo finally decided to return.

Tony had been adamant that no one know about his current lodging arrangement at his boss' house, aside from the four individuals already aware of the situation, namely himself, Gibbs, Abby, and Ducky. He particularly did not want his partner to know, and after brief consideration Gibbs had to agree with his reasoning. Kate still had a tendency to be overly sensitive and to perceive unfairness and favoritism whether it was there or not. Knowing Tony was their boss' houseguest for the next month might add unnecessary fuel to that particular fire.

As far as his other colleagues were concerned, there were still a few who didn't particularly care for Agent DiNozzo, mostly holdovers from the first few rough weeks after he'd joined Gibbs' team and managed to offend just about everyone. Some had gotten over it quickly, like Agent Pacci, who cut Tony some slack because he considered Gibbs a friend. Others really hadn't gotten past it, though, and Tony knew it. He had a particular concern about not being perceived as competent or "good enough" to be on the MCRT by some of his coworkers, and Tony hadn't wanted to risk making their misconceptions worse by appearing to be given some special consideration because he was "buddies" with the boss.

So Gibbs had agreed to keep their arrangement between them, even going so far as to gently berate Tony earlier that morning in front of Kate for being "late," even though he already knew Tony was picking up Ducky's jumpsuit from the cleaners. Tony hadn't even wanted anyone to see them walking in at the same time, so Gibbs had to deliberately wait a couple of minutes after Tony to make his morning appearance in the bullpen a few days prior.

It all seemed just a bit ridiculous, though, especially considering how little things had actually changed. He'd had a conversation with Ducky earlier on that very subject.

_**Three hours earlier…**_

"Jethro, I've been meaning to ask you how things are progressing with your _guest."_

"He sleeps at my house. That's pretty much it. If we hadn't worked so much the last couple of days, I wouldn't have seen him much more than I always do."

"What about last weekend?"

"He was up early both days, gone all day, and came back late. I have no idea what he was doing. Not really my place to ask. Doesn't keep me from wondering, though."

"That's very interesting. Where do you imagine he is spending his time?"

"I honestly don't know, Duck." Remembering that Tony had told him, however reluctantly, that he really didn't have any good friends in D.C., Gibbs had narrowed down the reason for his agent's absence to two possibilities: either Tony was still angry with him or the younger man simply didn't believe he was welcomed to make himself comfortable in Gibbs' home. "I'm hoping to find out though. I've got a plan."

"Jethro, I do hope this plan involves simply talking to the young man and not some sort of duplicity. I am still paying for my involvement in your most recent scheme and I simply must tell you that I do not intend…."

"Don't worry, Ducky, it's nothing like that I promise. Tony still giving you his grocery lists?" DiNozzo had decided to let Abby off the hook after a little bit of groveling, a very sincere apology, an explanation of their misunderstanding, and a reminder that she'd spent a couple of days helping Gibbs collect all those DVDs for his enjoyment. Ducky had not been so fortunate. Tony had been giving him lists of items to pick up for him, and the guilt-stricken doctor hadn't had much choice other than to comply.

"Yes, and I must say that young man has _the_ most atrocious eating habits. I wonder at his ability to pass his physical exam. "

"Now you sound like Kate. "

"Yes, well, he would do well to listen to Caitlin on this particular topic. I wonder if he ever eats a decent meal that doesn't involve pizza."

"Well he's going to tonight. I need you to do me a favor. When you're picking up DiNozzo's grocery list, I need to you get a couple of steaks. Big ones for grilling."

"Of course. But I did not realize you owned a grill, Jethro."

Gibbs was already on his way out the double doors, but he quickly responded over his shoulder, "I don't."

_**Present time…**_

DiNozzo finally made his presence known in the bullpen. "Kate go home, boss?"

"Yep. Case is over. Sent her home." Then Gibbs casually added, "You got plans for dinner?"

"Uh, …I…" _I hate it when he catches me off guard like that._

Gibbs took the hesitation to mean Tony had no plans, but was desperately trying to come up with one, so he quickly interrupted, "Good. Got a couple of steaks. Figured I'd grill 'em, but I can't eat them both." He could practically see the wheels in Tony's mind turning. "You stop and pick up the beer." Leaving no room for argument, Gibbs purposefully strolled towards the elevator.

_What just happened? First of all, I didn't even know Gibbs liked beer. He's more of a bourbon in the basement guy. So I have no idea what kind of beer to get._

_Second, I'm pretty sure Gibbs doesn't own a grill._

_And, third, I'm going to be stuck alone with Gibbs in his house all evening. _

_Crap._

* * *

Tony paused outside Gibbs' front door momentarily and took a very long, deep breath to calm himself. _The Boss has something up his sleeve. What could it be? I can't think of anything I've done to screw up. Maybe he's having second thoughts about me staying here. But why ask me to have dinner here? And steaks? Grilled steaks? I think I can smell them. He must've bought a grill, too, but I can't figure out where he's been hiding it. _

Feeling both anxious and intrigued, Tony entered the front door, hesitantly trying to locate his boss. He could swear the glorious smell was coming from…_the living room?_

"That you, Tony?" Gibbs was kneeling in front of his fireplace where there was a fire, a large grate, and, sure enough, two very large steaks. He flipped over the second steak and then turned around to where his agent was standing in the entrance looking befuddled. "You never seen a guy grill in his fireplace before, DiNozzo?" he said with an amused grin.

"Uh, no, actually I can't say that I have."

"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it."

"Oh, I'm not, Boss. It's just not…_quite_…what I expected. But I'm getting used to expecting the unexpected."

Tony was still standing in the doorway holding a six-pack and wearing the same clothes he'd worn to work that day. His boss, he noted, had changed into sweatpants and an old NIS t-shirt. Gesturing towards the beer, Gibbs instructed, "Put those on the coffee table and go change. Dinner at my house is casual." He had a last-minute worry that maybe Tony hadn't brought any comfortable clothes to his house, but the younger man complied silently, though still appearing slightly perplexed.

He reappeared a couple of minutes later in jeans and the same black button-down shirt he'd worn to work. _Better, _Gibbs thought. Still, he thought Tony seemed uncomfortable and noticed he had opted for the more formal button-down shirt and not a t-shirt.

Gibbs had taken the steaks off the makeshift grill and put them onto plates. He set down the two plates on the coffee table near the six-pack of beer that had still been untouched and took a seat on the couch. Tony had been waiting to follow his boss' lead, so he now took his seat next to Gibbs, being careful to maintain a safe amount of distance between them. _So he has a kitchen table, but he eats in the living room. _

Without thinking, Gibbs pulled out a large pocket knife. Tony confusedly looked around for a moment and located a couple of forks, but no knife for himself. _So this is the real reason why Gibbs made a rule about always having a knife. If I'd known that, I'd have brought something a little bigger than my emergency belt knife or the tiny pocket knife in _my _pocket. _His boss suddenly noticed Tony hadn't moved and saw him staring at his knife.

"Steak knives are in the kitchen. Second drawer on the left." Tony still hesitated so he added, "Help yourself, DiNozzo. Told you dinner here was casual."

Tony nodded and with a nervous laugh responded, "Right, Boss. Thanks." He quickly located a knife and retook his seat. Gibbs noticed he hadn't touched the beer yet, so Gibbs extracted two bottles and placed one in front of the younger man.

"Thanks," Tony said again. _So polite, _Gibbs thought. _Definitely nervous. _

He saw Tony take the first bite of steak out of the corner of his eye and then noticed a moment of surprise. "Wow, Boss, this is delicious! Who knew?" Then he caught Gibbs' eye and started backtracking. "I mean, not that I had any doubts about your cooking skills or anything."

Gibbs nodded. "Glad you like it, Tony." He hoped his agent was being sincere and not just trying to be polite again. DiNozzo's posture was still stiff and uncomfortable and the room had gone silent.

The older man realized he'd been prepared for everything except what he and Tony would talk about. Gibbs was awful at making small talk, and had always hated the effort, so had naturally assumed that the usually gregarious man in front of him would make enough conversation for both of them. But Tony was _so _uncomfortable that he'd temporarily lost his gift for gab and Gibbs found himself grasping for some safe topic of conversation to put his guest at ease. Putting Tony at ease, after all, had sort of been the main point of this whole exercise.

"How's Agent McGee?"

Tony looked up in surprise, then took on an almost guilty expression. "How did you know I saw McGee?"

"Well, let's see. We were looking for a trace on a phone number, and you suggested we skip the normal procedure, which would take far too long, because you had a 'contact' that could get the number for us in a hurry. And we happened to be in Norfolk."

"You said we could use McGee sometimes if we needed to, remember, Boss? And he got the number, fast, just like I knew he would." Gibbs hadn't meant to put Tony on the defensive.

"It's fine, DiNozzo. I'd have done the same thing. Just asking you how he's doing."

Tony breathed a sigh of relief and then found himself slightly embarrassed. "Oh. Well, he's fine I guess. I mean, I sort of made him think I wanted him to call me 'sir' again." The thought made Tony smile.

"I imagine you enjoyed that. Just remember that he's gonna learn to fight back eventually."

"I hope so. He's gonna need thicker skin if he wants to be an agent. Especially if he wants to work for _you_." Tony caught what he'd said, too late, and winced slightly. _Shoving my foot in my mouth all over the place this evening._

"True. Just good to keep in mind that other people don't always think or do what you want them to." Gibbs had been learning that lesson the hard way with the man in front of him. He could see Tony repeating his own mistakes, albeit in a different way, with a probie agent, be it McGee or someone else.

Tony was so relieved his boss didn't catch on to his verbal misstep that he didn't pay much attention to the subtle words of advice coming from the older man. Then he remembered something else he wanted to bring up.

"Boss, you know, McGee's still sort of seeing Abby."

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, do you think that's going to be a problem or anything? I mean if we end up bringing him on our team full-time?" Rule 12 was still in the forefront of Tony's mind, along with the tense trip they'd had to Gitmo several weeks ago.

"Doubt it. For one thing, Abby's not an agent." Gibbs could see his agent bristle slightly at his answer and he had a pretty good idea why. _Paula Cassidy. _ He wasn't quite certain as to the current status between the two agents, but he knew Tony had vehemently disagreed with his applying Rule 12 to his particular situation. _Probably thinking I have a double standard. _So he added, "Besides, I don't see it lasting that long. You know how Abby is. She called her NASA friend her 'boy toy' the other day. I doubt McGee'll be any different."

Gibbs had expected Tony to calm down after that explanation. After all, he and Tony had often joked that Abby could give DiNozzo a run for his money in the short-term relationship department. Instead, it sent Tony's hackles up even further. "If she isn't serious, she needs to let McGee in on it. What is it with women? Complaining that we don't communicate but then they tell us everything _except _the stuff we really needed to know."

"I get the feeling we aren't still talking about McGee."

_Great. Just great. _"Never mind."

His boss had a pretty good idea he knew what, or more accurately, _who_, they were really talking about.

"Agent Cassidy?" Gibbs tried to sound as unthreatening as possible, giving the younger man the chance to talk about it if he chose.

Tony got quiet. "Guess you deserve the opportunity to say 'I told you so.' Since you _did _and all."

"Not gonna say that. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." _I'm hoping you will though._

It got quiet again, and Gibbs briefly thought Tony had opted for not telling him anything. Then suddenly his guest continued. "We had a great time together. I _thought_. It seemed like something special. Then before she left she made it clear that we were both free to see other people. 'But keep in touch, Tony,' she said. Like I was just another notch in her belt. Guess I deserved it. I've done it enough times myself_."_

Gibbs was truly at a loss for words. This had been the very thing he'd been afraid of happening, but he took no satisfaction in it. So he simply said, "Her loss, DiNozzo."

Tony had expected more, but soon realized his boss truly was prepared to drop the painful topic of conversation. Unfortunately, they had now gone back to an uncomfortable silence.

This time Tony was the first to break it. "Boss, it's not that I don't appreciate dinner and everything, but why am I really here? I know it's not just so you can enjoy my company."

"Why not?"

Tony looked confused. "Why not, what?"

"Why would you assume there was some other reason? You think I spend _all _my time alone in my basement?"

"Wha – I – no, I didn't mean that, exactly. I just…you and I don't…just…_hang out_…together."

"Is that such an awful idea to you, DiNozzo? Cause I notice you've been avoiding being here in the house with me like the plague. You don't need to. I really don't mind having you here."

Tony knew he was caught and, since he'd stepped in it enough already this evening, decided to just own up. "Well, Boss, I know you're just very…_private_. And I appreciate you letting me stay here and all, but I didn't want to intrude. A month is a long time."

"Yeah, a month _is_ a long time to drive around coming up with places to go so you can avoid coming here. What did you do all weekend, anyway?"

"I went to the movies! A…bunch of them."

"An awfully expensive way to kill time when you don't need to, Tony."

"Yeah, I guess. But I know you like to work on your boat. In the basement."

"What I'm planning to do tonight. You could come _hang out _some more if you wanted."

"_No_," Tony said quickly. He still didn't feel comfortable in Gibbs' basement. Something about it was so personal to the man, and Tony felt he just didn't fit. "Uh, actually if you don't mind I think maybe I'll watch one of those DVDs and turn in early. I'm kind of tired." It wasn't untrue. "But, thank you," he made certain to add.

"Suit yourself, Tony." _Something about the basement. He doesn't think I want him down there. Must still think I was really mad at him for going down there the last time. _Gibbs stood up and grabbed their now-empty plates.

"Um, should I do the dishes or something, since you cooked and everything?"

"No, not tonight, Tony. My treat." Then he stopped and caught Tony's eye before adding, "You can do them next time."

Gibbs could almost hear Tony voicing his next thought aloud.

_Next time?_


	13. Chapter 13 - Partiality

**Filler and tiny episode tag for "My Other Left Foot, " picking up from a scene in the car between Kate and Tony where Kate is questioning Gibbs' judgment just a bit and Tony starts to get a little defensive of the Bossman. Where might that conversation have gone if it had started up again later? **

**Also, since this episode aired approximately a month after "Left for Dead," I'm assuming that Tony has just very recently been able to move back into his own apartment.**

**This one is, again, a little shorter and lighter, but there's plenty of more drama and angst to come.**

**Partiality**

"Melissa Dorn is looking more and more guilty. Hope Gibbs isn't too disappointed," Kate chided in a teasing, but slightly smug tone. She and Tony were in the car returning from Baltimore where they had just interviewed an insurance agent. It now appeared very likely that Ms. Dorn had been involved, along with her half brother Thomas, in the murder of a "friend" of theirs in order to pass the man off as her brother and collect on a hefty insurance policy.

Tony was feeling slightly annoyed again, as he remembered his partner's earlier insinuation that perhaps their boss' judgment could be affected by his attraction to the pretty redheaded suspect. "As I told you before, _Kate, _there is no way Gibbs would get involved with a murder suspect. Believe me."

"Ok, relax, Tony. I was kidding. Sort of."

Tony couldn't resist taking the bait. "What do you mean, _sort of_?"

"I just mean that Gibbs isn't completely immune to sometimes letting personal feelings and opinions color his judgment. Regardless of what he says."

"You know what I think?"

"No, but I'm sure you're about to tell me."

"I think you're just still feeling guilty over taking in our Jane Doe and going all Mother Hen over her, only to have her blow up herself and her married lover. And almost us, too, by the way. And since Gibbs called you on it and you wouldn't listen, now you're trying to find fault with _him_."

"Aren't _you _defensive."

"I'm _not _being defensive. I just know the man a lot better than you do."

"You've worked with him longer, I'll give you that. And you probably know him a little better than I do. I'm not sure I'd say 'a lot.' You can work with a person for years and still never really know them."

"I know Gibbs well enough to know he's not about to let a pretty face undermine his gut. Even if there is red hair attached to it."

"Don't you ever question the famous 'Gibbs gut'?"

"No."

"Well, there's the problem. Don't you ever question anything he tells you?"

"When it comes to the job, Kate, I've never known Gibbs' gut to be wrong."

"There's a first time for everything. I'm not saying Gibbs isn't really good, but he could still be wrong sometimes. The man can't be perfect."

"Oh I _know _he's not perfect, Kate. You have no idea…"

"Don't tell me you're about to use the words, 'You'll learn after you've been doing this job a little longer…' I am so sick of hearing that. Don't think I don't know about you and Gibbs. I know what you've got going on here."

Tony started at her last words. He'd been _so _careful when he was staying with Gibbs not to let Kate pick up on any clues. _She couldn't have figured it out, could she? What does she mean she knows about me and Gibbs. What is it she thinks she knows? Oh, tell me she doesn't think…_"Kate, I have no idea what you're even talking about," he said quickly.

"The little 'Boys Club' thing between you and Gibbs. Where you're always trying to 'teach' poor little Kate about what it's like in the big, bad world of being a federal agent. And where Gibbs always lets you go interview the pretty girls after you give him the 'oh, pleeeeeease Boss' sad puppy dog eyes. What was that excuse he gave a few weeks ago about you 'taking a wave for the team'?"

"Hey, I _did _take a wave for the team. And walked around in Ducky's ridiculously short jumpsuit the rest of the day because of it. I deserved something for that!"

"Gibbs would have sent you to find that bodybuilder girl anyway. What was her name? _Gina?_ You men always stick together. The two of you are so much alike. Remember how you panted after that receptionist in Doctor Chalmers' office? I felt like I was watching the sequel when Gibbs and I went to question Melissa Dorn. The two of you probably get together after work to compare notes. I've worked with lots of men before, Tony, I know how it works. "

"You don't know half of what you think you know. Gibbs also let _you_ go with him to interview Melissa Dorn even though I wanted to go. And he took _you _with him on the submarine a few months ago. In fact, he argued for you to go because you were more qualified. I know cause I was in the room. So, again, I'm telling you that when it comes to the job, Gibbs doesn't let his personal feelings affect his decision-making."

"Whatever, Tony. I just hope he doesn't disappoint you one day when tumbles off that pedestal you've got him on."

He smiled sarcastically. "Nice try, Kate. Can we talk about something else now? You never told me which cheek that rose tattoo is on…"

"And I'm never going to, DiNozzo."

* * *

Tony had tried to brush it off, but he was having a difficult time forgetting about his earlier conversation with his partner.

_Why did I get so defensive of Gibbs? _

He thought back over the details of their conversation. He hadn't said anything he didn't truly believe. Ever since he'd known his boss, the man's number one priority had been to catch criminals. He had this drive that just wouldn't be satisfied until he'd seen justice done and it had gotten in the way of Tony's own personal life plenty enough times. And judging by the three divorces, Tony suspected it had gotten in the way of Gibbs' personal life even more so. _There is no way the Boss would get his head turned so far around by a beautiful woman that he'd forget that. Kate is wrong. At least about that._

But there were other parts of what Kate had said that were still nagging at him. _"Don't you ever question anything he tells you?" Well, yeah, a lot lately as a matter of fact, Kate. _But, he realized, it had all been personal stuff. When it came to the job, he almost trusted Gibbs implicitly. And that famous Gibbs gut had never let them down before. Tony truly believed in it, even if Kate didn't. He even had started to develop one of his own, with the goal of someday fine-tuning it to be as accurate as his boss'. He knew he had a long way to go, but Tony felt that he could learn so much from the man. _I do look up to him, as an agent. Maybe I do even have him on a pedestal. Just a little one. Is that so bad?_ Tony had known so few men in his life who'd been worthy of looking up to that Gibbs had really, in some peculiar way, been a breath of fresh air.

_I just hope he doesn't disappoint you one day._ Well, Gibbs _had_ disappointed him, personally, a few times in the recent past. But not in the way Kate had meant. _On a personal level, Gibbs is really sort of a mess. But I also know he's a good, honorable man. And he's the best at what he does. And in that way I completely trust him._

Still, he'd felt defensive earlier in a way he'd never felt before. It was more personal this time. _Because there's Gibbs the Boss and then there is Gibbs the man. And I was defending Gibbs the man as much as the Boss. _

He'd always had an imaginary line between the two. Gibbs the Boss, with his drive for justice and amazing intuition, his ability to solve almost any puzzle. The knowledge that Gibbs the Boss would always have his six in the field. That Gibbs the Boss saw something worthwhile in _him. _He would always be loyal to _that_ man.

But Gibbs the man had always been sort of a mystery, with his brusqueness, his short temper, failed marriages. Barked orders. Insults and backhanded compliments. Tony had followed Gibbs the Boss with an implicit trust, while trying to keep his distance from Gibbs the man. _But now the lines are getting blurred. _

And the blurring of the lines made Tony feel more than a bit uneasy.

* * *

"Hey, Abby!"

"Tony!" the young forensic scientist exclaimed happily. "Hey, did you get all moved back in your apartment yet?"

"A couple of days ago. You have _no _idea how glad I was to see my own bed again."

"Oh, c'mon. Staying with Gibbs wasn't _that _bad, was it?"

"Surprisingly, no," he had to admit. "He could use some help decorating, but still something about his house is…"

"Cozy?"

"Maybe. I was thinking it was like stepping backwards through time. But not entirely in a bad way."

"So have you guys tracked down the rest of Dorn's body parts yet," she asked with a tiny bit of fascination.

"Uh, still working on that. I'll tell you all about it when we do, I promise."

"Did you come down here for something, Tony?"

"Can't I just stop in to say hi?"

"You _could_, but you hardly ever do. What's up? Something's wrong."

Abby was always so perceptive, Tony knew to avoid her when he was _really _trying to hide something. Which wasn't the case this time. He needed her opinion.

"Nothing's really _wrong _exactly, Abby. It's just that Kate and I had a little…disagreement…the other day and…"

"I'm sorry, Tony, I can't tell you about her tattoo. I'm sworn to secrecy."

_And Kate complains about men sticking together. _"I know, Abby, it's not about that. Kate sort of _hinted _that maybe the Boss isn't always fair in how he divides up our work assignments. What do _you _think?"

Abby knew how sensitive Tony was to people hinting that he somehow didn't deserve to be in his position. She also knew that Kate had been through some tough experiences being a woman in what was still largely a man's world, something she herself could relate to, and that it sometimes colored how she saw things. And to that knowledge, she also had to add knowing how hard Gibbs had been trying lately to secure Tony's trust. With all of those factors combined, she couldn't honestly say what she thought was going through Gibbs' mind. So she responded diplomatically, "I think Gibbs probably doesn't analyze it nearly as much as you and Kate do."

"Well said, Abby." Gibbs strolled into the lab, revealing he'd heard at least part of their conversation.

"Oh, uh, hey, Boss. I was just going back to trying to find the rest of Thomas Dorn. See ya, Abs." Tony rushed out of the lab, embarrassed that Gibbs had just overheard their conversation. He was glad he hadn't revealed even more.

"What was that all about?" Gibbs asked his favorite Goth.

"I'm not quite sure, but I think maybe more than Tony let on."

_So Kate's complaining again about how I divide up the work. _Gibbs suddenly had a delicious but slightly naughty idea.

* * *

"It's not a rose," Gibbs said, matter-of-factly for Tony and Abby, and anyone else in listening distance of the bullpen, to hear.

Tony couldn't believe his ears. He _knew_ his Boss didn't really know anything about Kate's tattoo, but _Kate_ didn't know that he knew that. He wished he had a picture of the look on her face right now. It was all he could do to suppress his laughter. Then he looked back at Abby and could see she, too, was just barely holding herself together.

"He…he doesn't know….._Tell _them Gibbs…" Tony could swear his boss was just barely keeping it together as well.

Kate glared at Abby. "I _swear _I didn't say anything, Kate," Abby testified innocently.

Tony knew he should just leave it alone, but he couldn't resist. "So, uh, Kate, is there something going on with you and the Boss that we don't know about?"

Kate was just about to explode, "DiNozzo!..."

But before she could get the rest of the words out, Gibbs, Tony and Abby all exploded in laughter.

Kate was briefly offended at being the butt of their joke, literally, but then she remembered that she _had _been the one to tell DiNozzo of the existence of her tattoo to begin with.

And in spite of what DiNozzo believed about her, Caitlin Todd _did_ have a sense of humor. Even when the joke was on her.


	14. Chapter 14 - Another Brick in the Wall

**Episode tag for "One Shot, One Kill." Do you think Tony ever said anything to Gibbs about his failure to wear his bulletproof vest? I think the answer is "yes."**

"**Another Brick in the Wall"**

"Forget the kid, Tony. The sniper is the water delivery guy. I repeat, the sniper is the water delivery guy." His earpiece picked up both the assurance and the urgency in Kate's directive. Tony quickly grabbed his weapon and got out of the car, making his way towards the alley.

He spotted his suspect. Sure enough, there stood the water delivery man with a rifle. _And we all missed him thinking we were looking for someone posing as a recruit. _Tony had to give their sniper credit – it was a very clever cover. He briefly wondered how Kate and Gibbs had figured it out. Then again, this was Gibbs.

"Drop your weapon!" His target briefly glanced in the other direction and, recognizing he was trapped, aimed his rifle and got off a shot at Tony. And missed. _Not as good up close and without your scope. Lucky for me. _At some point Tony remembered shouting "hey" before getting off several shots himself. Tony, however, did _not_ miss. He'd taken down their suspect, along with a few bottles of water that were now pouring their contents all over the pavement.

Their FBI counterparts finally showed up on the scene,thanked Tony, and proceeded to dismiss him. _Yeah, thanks for nothing, guys. I supposed you're gonna take credit now. Again. _Tony cautiously made his way to the suspect's van. _Could still have an accomplice. _Once he realized the van was empty, he took a closer look at its contents, noting with interest both the Marine recruiting brochure and the single white feather, the sniper's calling card.

_Kate and Gibbs will be showing up any minute now. _Tony waited. No Kate and no Gibbs. _Something's not right here. This is the part where Kate and Gibbs are supposed to show up in the alley and Gibbs is supposed to tease Kate about not wearing her "cover." _

Something akin to panic began to overtake him. His heart picked up its pace and he felt another rush of adrenaline. _Where are they?_ He made his way out of the alley, but could still find no sign of them. Suddenly he was running, block after block. _It can't be this far away, why is it taking so long to get there? _

Finally, he spotted the Marine Recruiting Office. A single bullet hole through the window was clearly visible and there was a crowd of FBI agents, some outside trying to control the crowd which had formed. Tony ran up to the door and flashed his badge, an FBI agent somewhat reluctantly clearing the way for him to pass. Once inside, there was another group of FBI agents gathered around. He frantically searched for any sign of his teammates and at last caught sight of Kate. She was looking down at something, but feeling his eyes on her, glanced up at him. Her eyes were sad, filled with unshed tears. She silently shook her head. _No! No, no, no, this isn't right. This isn't how it's supposed to end. It can't be._

Tony slowly, reluctantly, made his way over to the group of FBI agents. Bracing himself, he looked down and saw his boss sprawled across the floor. Single gunshot wound to the forehead, his vacant eyes staring up at nothing. Dead.

_Leroy Jethro Gibbs is dead._

* * *

Tony abruptly sat up in his bed, soaked in a cold sweat. Realizing he was, in fact, in his apartment and in his bed, he groaned and looked at the clock on the bedside table. 4am.

It was the same nightmare he'd had the night before. Well, almost the same. There was one minor difference. Last night the fatal gunshot wound had been to the chest and not the forehead. _Because the stubborn idiot decided not to wear his vest._

Realizing it was pointless to try and go back to sleep, Tony slowly got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. _I'm starting to understand why Gibbs keeps that bottle of bourbon around. I could use some right now. _He'd have to settle for something else. _Guess I'll make coffee. Since I'm going to be up the rest of the night anyway. I really am becoming Gibbs._

Trying to pour the water into the coffee maker, he became aware of the fact that his hands were shaking slightly. He tried taking a few deep calming breaths. _Just a nightmare, DiNozzo. You have them all the time since you became a cop. Get a grip._

He had to acknowledge that this one had shaken him a bit more than his standard nightmares. He'd been so angry with his boss' decision not to wear his bulletproof vest, swearing to Kate that if the sniper didn't kill Gibbs, he would do it himself, for taking such an idiotic risk. But the sniper was no longer a threat, Gibbs was fine, and Tony had felt a bit foolish for being so upset. So, he'd decided to drop it, instead letting his boss leave on Friday night without a word about it.

Now it was very early Sunday morning, and a sleep-deprived Tony was beginning to regret that decision. Maybe he hadn't even realized just how upset with Gibbs he'd truly been until he started having the nightmares. Gibbs taking chances was nothing new. Tony's reaction to it, _this _time, was. It was becoming impossible to ignore the fact that something between them had shifted lately, and however small the shift, its effects were not so insignificant.

As Tony took a seat on his couch with a steaming cup of coffee, memories of the past few weeks began to flood his mind. Just a few nights prior, he and his boss had gone together to search the surrounding areas of their crime scene in an effort to pinpoint their sniper's location, which they had, right down to the solitary brick in the wall that the sniper had removed. The younger man had probably accompanied his boss to hundreds of crime scenes, but in spite of the unhappy circumstances, Tony was surprised to discover he was actually enjoying himself. Instead of the usual discomfort of trying to make conversation with his generally mute superior, Tony had discovered that they'd developed a sort of easy rapport that he hadn't felt between them previously. There was something more comfortable, more relaxed, in their interactions that he'd never have imagined before he'd spent a month staying at Gibbs' house. They'd teased each other, Gibbs about Tony's messy apartment, Tony about Gibbs' assumed alimony costs. The latter comment would have previously earned him merely a glare, but this time the older man had taken the jab in surprisingly good humor.

Of course, Tony recalled, he hadn't been exactly happy about Gibbs seeing his apartment. Tony rarely invited anyone to his apartment. It was his private sanctuary, much the way he saw Gibbs' basement as his boss' private sanctuary. But, for some unknown reason, his boss had insisted on accompanying him to his place, presumably to help him move back the stuff he'd accumulated at the older man's house since he'd started staying there. But there really wasn't that much "stuff," and Tony was almost certain it had been a ploy so that Gibbs could make certain that Tony's apartment really was back to an acceptable living condition, as if somehow he was afraid Tony was not being honest with him out of fear he'd overstayed his welcome. Unfortunately, just before the disaster with the boiler, Tony had finally moved in the rest of his furniture and other items that he'd kept in storage for the past couple of years, but hadn't had a chance to organize anything, so Gibbs saw an even more disorganized mess than was the norm. Embarrassed, Tony had been forced to tell him why furniture and random boxes were scattered throughout his apartment, and the younger man now remembered noting an expression on Gibbs' face he had once previously identified as Gibbs' "pleased" face. _Guess I've committed now, whether I like it or not_, he'd thought at the time.

Tony's mind was drawn back to the present time. A couple of days ago, his boss had taken what Tony firmly believed was an unnecessary risk, and it bothered him on more than just a professional level. An agent never wants to lose a colleague in the line of duty, but it's a possibility that one has to learn to accept. But his dream had been something more than that. The moment his mind had been faced with the realization that Gibbs was gone forever, he'd felt so….alone. Being alone was something the young man had been used to most of his life, in spite of the carefully crafted image he'd carved out for himself over the years. Before coming to NCIS it was a fact of his life that he'd simply learned to accept, and had even welcomed. But recently that must have changed, Tony realized. He must feel some sort of connection with the older man, however tenuous, because in that split second he'd believed Gibbs to be dead, he had felt that connection severed. And he'd missed it.

Something in him simply did not _want_ to be so alone anymore. It was the same something that had convinced him to move his things out of storage and at least try to finally put down some roots here in D.C. He'd gradually allowed himself to become attached to these people - Gibbs, Abby, Ducky, even Kate – and now he realized he didn't want to go back to the way things were before. A few weeks ago he'd actually been considering moving on again, yet now the thought of it left him feeling empty.

_And absolutely furious with Gibbs. _

* * *

Monday was a quiet day for the MCRT team. On days like this, Gibbs had come to expect an uptick in lively chatter and nervous energy coming from DiNozzo to balance out the dullness of a day spent doing reports and administrative tasks as opposed to the more interesting field work that accompanied a live case. In some ways he'd gotten exactly what he had expected. Tony had been grilling Kate all morning about her weekend, specifically trying to draw out some new information about his partner's surgeon boyfriend. As usual, Kate had started out mildly amused but had quickly transitioned to annoyed. When Gibbs had gotten involved, he had expected pushback from both of them, but Tony had been surprisingly business-like.

As a matter of fact, now that Gibbs really thought about it, Tony had been pretty much _all _business with him all morning long. Respectful, polite, but cold. In other words, DiNozzo was ticked off at him over something. The Lead Agent knew nothing had happened that morning to incur Tony's wrath, and nothing had occurred over the weekend, so it had to be something tied to the case they were working on last week.

Gibbs turned the details of that case over and over in his mind to find the source of Tony's animosity, but could only arrive at one conclusion. The younger agent had been none too pleased that Gibbs had chosen Kate instead of him to pose as his CO. That was the only explanation. But it was very unlike Tony to hold on to resentment over a work assignment for this long. Gibbs had long ago become weary of the constant tug-of-war between his two agents. _I made the right choice for the assignment and Tony's just gonna have to get over it. _He'd decided to ignore the situation, feeling confident that Tony's frustration would eventually blow over on its own.

But when time for lunch arrived, Kate had invited Tony to join her. However, the younger man had uncharacteristically declined, saying he'd brought lunch today and had decided to stay in and catch up on some paperwork. "Suit yourself, DiNozzo," she'd teased. "That just means I can get one of those tofu wraps I know you love so much."

He'd smiled sarcastically at the joke. "Yes, Kate, I'll be sitting here eating my heart out with jealousy."

_Strange for Tony to skip an opportunity for food. And a chance to get out of the office. _ The younger man always complained when work forced him to skip a meal and went a bit stir crazy when he was stuck in the office all day.

Kate had been gone about 5 minutes when his remaining agent abruptly stood up and made his way directly in front of Gibbs' desk, standing there awkwardly for a few seconds before his boss growled, "Something bothering you, DiNozzo?"

Tony spoke quietly, using caution lest other prying ears in the bullpen should try to hear what he was about to address with his Lead Agent. "Permission to speak freely, Boss."

Gibbs curtly nodded his assent, all the while silently preparing to answer what he anticipated to be his agent's complaint regarding his delegation of assignments within the team. He could feel the anger and frustration rising and almost missed Tony's next words.

"Could you explain to me how you can justify ditching your vest the other day? Because every way I've looked at it, it was a foolish, reckless thing to do and you could've gotten yourself killed. " Tony had expected to feel anxious confronting his boss in this way, but instead felt a wave of relief wash over him at having finally voiced the concern that had preoccupied him for days. _See, Kate, I don't just blindly follow Gibbs after all. _He was walking a fine line here between conscientiousness and insubordination, he realized, but he'd needed to say it. And he needed an answer, too.

Once again, Tony had thrown Gibbs a curve ball, and the older man had a fleeting realization that he may never completely understand the complexities of the young man standing in front of him. Now he remembered that perhaps Tony's unease last week had not been primarily driven by jealously, as he'd originally thought. Tony had also said something else at the time. Gibbs now recalled that Tony's words had been, "What if he succeeds?" and he'd detected enough fear in the question to reassuringly tell the younger man with more confidence than he had felt, "He won't."

At some point, Tony had learned of his decision not to wear the bulletproof vest, probably from Kate, and it had been obviously bothering his subordinate very much if it had prompted this unusual confrontation. Tony liked to tease, even to make a show of whining on occasion, but in reality Tony rarely ever truly questioned Gibbs' authority or his decision-making. The fact that he was doing so now made Gibbs just a little proud, but also concerned. He had an answer for Tony's question, but probably not the one the younger man wanted to hear.

Gibbs stood up to meet Tony eye-to-eye and asked, "DiNozzo, have you ever made a decision not to wear your vest?"

"Not when I was setting myself up to get shot at _on purpose"_ Tony responded with confidence.

"I was behind bulletproof glass. You were in more danger than I was. He took a shot at you, too. Could've just as easily shot you in the head in that alley. That a reason for you to just let him go, DiNozzo?"

"Of course not, Boss, but you didn't have to take a chance like that. You made Kate wear her vest."

"My vest was too visible. He'd have seen it and known something was up and we'd have risked losing him. Maybe he'd have moved on somewhere else and taken out another Marine recruiter somewhere. Sometimes you have to take a few risks to protect others, Tony. That's why we do what we do. And I'm the Lead Agent here. That means if anyone takes that extra risk, it's gonna be me. It comes with the title. And I'd do it again."

Gibbs could tell that Tony was processing the information and on some level knew his boss was right. He could also tell that Tony was bothered by the answer. So, he added, more softly and purposely using the younger man's given name, "Tony, I promise you, I do not have a death wish. I only take chances when I think they're necessary. But that's _my_ choice and if you want to do this job, you're gonna have to live with that. Any one of us could die on any given day. "

Tony paused a brief moment before he nodded his understanding. He thought about how many times he'd gone undercover, both before and since joining NCIS, and made the choice to leave behind his vest as not to risk blowing his cover. In his boss' position, he realized he'd have done exactly the same thing. But knowing that in his mind didn't relieve the fear. His boss had just given him a lot to think about.

Gibbs knew his answer was the right one, but he didn't enjoy seeing his agent forced to realize once again the difficult truth that every agent had to confront each and every day. He was a man who knew the pain of loss as well as anyone. Gibbs had never yet lost an agent, but he realized that in spite of every precaution there was a certain amount of luck, good fortune, or providence involved in that. Every morning he had to fight the battle against that fear anew with the knowledge that despite his best efforts, this day could be his last, or worse yet, it could be the last day for one of his own. The closer he allowed himself to get, the more difficult that daily battle became.

As Tony slowly walked away, the older agent could see that the same thoughts were working through the younger man's mind as well. It was that kind of fear that built walls around people, especially those in their line of work. He'd built plenty of his own through the years, but was also starting to realize that living in that kind of prison wasn't really living at all. Tony had seemed to be coming to the same conclusion in recent weeks.

Now Gibbs found himself hoping the younger man wasn't about to change his mind and begin building reinforcements instead.


	15. Chapter 15 - Sisters

**Episode tag for "The Good Samaritan." And now for something completely different…this one is shorter and actually Kate-centric. I promise to get back to Gibbs and Tony in the next one, but this was the first episode where Kate mentions her sister. I am presuming here that she was referring to her sister Rachel, who we have now met, so I thought it would be fun to check in on Kate and Rachel and get into Kate's head just a little bit now that she's been at NCIS for about 5 months or so. What does she really think about her slightly dysfunctional group of coworkers?**

**Sisters**

Kate had already picked up the phone twice with the intention of dialing her sister's number, only to hang up. _Why is it so difficult? This is my sister._

Truthfully, Kate really hadn't spoken at length with her sister since she'd begun her new job with NCIS five months ago. Sure, her new position had taken up most of her time. Leroy Jethro Gibbs was a demanding boss and, in their line of work, an agent's personal life takes a back seat to other, more urgent matters. But she had also been avoiding having a conversation with Rachel. It wasn't that she didn't love her sister, but it could be difficult having a psychiatrist in the family. Sometimes Kate wondered if her sibling was listening to her as a loving sister or if she was being psychoanalyzed, along with whatever, or whomever, she was discussing at that particular moment.

But, today they'd wrapped up a case involving twin sisters who had made a "murder pact" of sorts. It was sick and twisted, and naturally had also involved a rather large sum of money, but a person had to wonder at the relationship between the two ladies who had agreed to commit murder for each other. Kate recalled that she had made a comment stating that she would never commit murder for her sister. It hadn't been a slight against Rachel at all. Kate wouldn't be convinced to commit murder for _anyone. _But then DiNozzo had reminded her that she wouldn't even return her sister's phone calls, and she'd had to admit guiltily to herself that her partner's observation was mostly the truth. Tony's tendency towards being nosy and highly observant was a credit to him in the field. In the office, however, Kate had found herself more than once wishing he had an "off" button.

So she'd resolved to call Rachel, finally. She just had to prepare herself for the barrage of questions and hope that she was prepared to answer them. Picking up the phone for the third time, she dialed Rachel's number.

"Doctor Cranston."

"Hello, Doctor. Have some time for your little sister?"

"Kate! Of course, I always have time for you. But I feel like I should be the one asking you that question. I've left you, let's see, about a thousand or so messages. Does NCIS ever give you any time off?"

If Rachel intended to make her feel guilty, it was working beautifully. "Rarely. The work is very demanding to be honest, Rach. And you should meet my boss."

"Uh-oh. Do I note a hint of regret? Are you wishing you'd taken some time off after you left the Secret Service instead of accepting the first opportunity that came along?" Rachel was very analytical, even more so than Kate, and had tried to no avail to convince Kate to think through her decision to take up Gibbs on his job offer. Which had probably made Kate even more determined to join NCIS. The two girls in the family had always been the responsible ones, but of the two Kate had been slightly more rebellious and even, on occasion, impulsive. She recalled with just a bit of residual resentment her older sister's reaction when she'd learned Kate had gotten a tattoo during a rare night of drunken revelry.

"No, Rachel, I don't regret it. Really. It's exciting and rewarding and…"

"Stressful?"

"Sometimes. But so was the Secret Service."

"Well, I hope you manage to carve out at least some time for a personal life."

"I do my best. As a matter of fact, I've been seeing someone. He's a surgeon."

"Do tell! Have Mom and Dad heard about this? When can we meet him?"

"No! Rachel, I've only been out with him a couple of times. Nobody knows. Well, nobody other than my nosy partner at work. Please, don't tell Mom and Dad, they'll start asking a million questions. Between his schedule and my schedule, we hardly get to see each other anyway."

Rachel continued with her questions, disappointment evident in her voice. "Well what about friends? Have you at least had time to meet some people other than your surgeon non-boyfriend?"

Kate struggled to answer that question. _When do I have time to make friends? I just told her I barely have time to date. _Then she remembered Abby. "I spend time with our forensic scientist. Her name is Abby. Here's something funny, Rachel – she's a Goth!"

"A…Goth? One of those people who dresses in all black and is obsessed with death?"

"Well….yes and no, I suppose. Abby does wear a lot of black and dark lipstick. And dog collars. And she has some…unusual…interests. But once you get past all that, she's really very sweet. And happy! Very happy. She's actually not at all…morbid."

"I see." Kate doubted she did, but at least she was trying not to judge. "And what about this 'nosy' partner you mentioned. Male or female?"

"Male. Definitely male."

"You don't sound thrilled."

_How do I even begin to explain Tony? _ "No, he's nice, really. I guess. He's just…" she hesitated. "He's an ex-jock and just can be very…annoying and immature and sexist and…"

"Nosy?"

"Oh, you have _no_ idea."

"And this man is a federal agent? How old is he?"

Kate realized she wasn't exactly sure. "Uh, let's see. He worked in Peoria for two years, I'm guessing fresh out of college, then Philly for almost two years, then another couple in Baltimore, and now two with NCIS, so I'd say about early thirties."

"Sounds like he has some commitment issues."

"You could say that, yes. Along with the fact that he dates girls who are barely legal."

"Hmmm…."

"Why do I think you're entering psychiatrist mode right now?"

"Now, Kate. You know as well as I do that people are not always what they seem on the surface. Don't tell me you haven't tried to profile him."

_Try every day, Rachel. Every single day. _"That's the thing though. I thought I had him figured out at first, but he's really good at his job. I mean, I didn't expect it, but I totally trust him in the field. And Gibbs, our boss, he completely trusts him too. And Gibbs doesn't like many people. Hardly anybody in fact. The man's been divorced three times."

"_Three _times?"

"At least. You'd have to know Gibbs."

"Sounds intriguing."

_Gibbs. Even more difficult to describe than Tony. _"He's very…intense. Doesn't talk much. That's another thing I can't figure out. He and Tony have this _thing._ This "man" thing. They have entire conversations sometimes with, like, two words, and I am completely left out. And Gibbs' hobby – get this – for fun he's building a boat in his basement."

"Sounds like an appropriate hobby for someone who doesn't like to talk. And, I'm sorry, Tony? That's the nosy partner, right?"

"Right. And the funny thing about the boat is, Tony and I can't figure out how he's going to get it out of the basement when he's done. Of course, we were plotting to burn it a few weeks ago anyway, because Gibbs took my PDA for target practice at the shooting range and I shot a hole through it and had to buy a new one…"

"He made you _shoot _your PDA?"

"I think the point was _not _to shoot it but I…missed."

"Did he pay to replace it?"

"I didn't ask. Gibbs isn't the kind of person you ask trivial questions like that, believe me."

"He has a temper I take it?"

"You might say that. He doesn't really yell though. Just sort of…glares at you. It's amazingly effective."

"Are you sure you're happy? It sounds like a challenging work environment at best."

Kate considered the question. It _was _a challenging environment sometimes, that much was true. But it was fascinating. The work was interesting, even rewarding at times. And she realized she really _liked _these people, despite how she'd just made them sound to her sister. "Rachel, I love it. I don't know how to explain it to you. I enjoy the challenges, and the thrill of it all. And Gibbs and Tony, they aren't really as bad as they sound, you know. Gibbs was a Marine and I think he is so intense because he wants justice so badly. It's personal for him in a way. And Tony, there's a good man in there with a lot of potential. Somewhere. "Man" might be stretching it a bit at times. But his intentions are usually good. Sometimes he can even be sweet. In a slightly perverted kind of way. And Abby is the sweetest person you could ever meet with this _huge _heart. And I didn't tell you about Ducky."

"_Ducky?"_

"Yes, actually, Doctor Mallard. Ducky is a nickname. He's our ME. He's this wonderfully charming older man from Scotland and he's traveled all over the world. He's like this encyclopedia of information and he loves to tell stories. I'm sure they'd be fascinating if Gibbs didn't always cut him off."

"It certainly sounds like an interesting collection of characters. I'd love to meet them someday, Caitlin."

"I think you'd like them." _And you'd have a field day trying to figure them all out. _"Maybe one day you'll have the chance."

"So, enough about me," Kate continued. "Tell me what's going on with you…."

* * *

Tony kept glancing over at his partner's desk. It was 6:55am and he'd now been at the office a full ten minutes with no sign of Kate. It just wasn't _normal. Kate never comes in late. Maybe she caught another cold. Or, had a particularly late night with Doctor Romance. Ooooh, was he going to have a good time with this…_

"Good morning, Tony! Good morning, Gibbs!" Kate was smiling from ear to ear, struggling to carry a container holding three cups of coffee and a mysterious bag. _What is that glorious smell? _

Kate carefully set down one of the cups of coffee in front of their boss. He looked at the coffee, looked at Kate, and smiled ever-so-slightly. Gibbs' version of "Thank you."

Then she made her way over to Tony's desk. He eyed her suspiciously as she set down another cup of coffee on his desk, along with sugar and creamer. He sniffed the coffee. Hazelnut flavored? His eyes caught the mystery bag in her hands as she pulled out several pastries.

"Which one would you like, Tony?"

Now his "spidey senses," as Abby would call them, went into overdrive. "Why, _Kate, _are they poisoned? Or did you spit on them in the car on the way in this morning."

_He doesn't trust me any more than I trust him. Good. _"You are truly disgusting, DiNozzo, but the answer is neither. It's my way of saying 'thank you.'"

"Uh, huh. And what did I do again?" Tony was still waiting on the punch line.

"For reminding me of how long it had been since I talked to my sister. I finally called her last night, and we had a very nice conversation. So, I wanted to say thanks, because if you hadn't given me a hard time about it, I probably wouldn't have spoken with her for another five months."

Tony searched for any sign of a catch, but finding none he chose a pastry and responded with a sincerity that surprised even himself, "You're welcome, Kate."

However, not able to leave well enough alone, he couldn't resist adding, "So, what did you tell her about me?"

" I told her you were bright, charming, funny, handsome…." Kate paused and smiled mischievously. "Oh, no, _wait, _that was the surgeon we were talking about. What _did _I say about you? Guess it wasn't very memorable. Although the word 'juvenile' _may _have come up once or twice."

"Funny, Kate. Very funny. Bet your sister would find me irresistible, though." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Whatever you say, Tony."

Gibbs noticed Tony was still eyeing his pastry. _Probably still wondering if he should eat it or detonate it. _

"DiNozzo, you gonna shut up and eat that? Cause if you don't, I will."

_Anyone else and I would assume they were joking. But with Gibbs… _"Uh, I'll get right on that, Boss."

Gibbs furtively glanced between his two agents. _This is nice. Won't last long. But still nice. _His gaze landed on Kate momentarily. She looked genuinely happy to be here this morning. _Wonder what got into her. _Gibbs found himself suddenly curious about Kate's sister.

_If this is the effect she has on Kate, maybe I should hire her, too._

Gibbs considered his team for a moment with one DiNozzo and two Kates.

_Nah. What was I thinking?_


	16. Chapter 16 - Reciprocity

**Filler and tag for "Enigma." With Tony and Gibbs, it often feels like they take a step forward and then about three steps back. Beginning here and continuing for the next few episodes, they are about to take some backwards steps before moving forward again. First, this is due to Gibbs' extreme protectiveness of anything related to his own personal life, an issue which I expect to come up several more times. (Gibbs **_**still **_**has sort of a double-standard when it comes to sharing, even into season 10). And subsequently, he's also about to enter into an obsession with catching a terrorist, one who is eventually revealed to be Ari Haswari. **

**I know I got these last couple of chapters completed and up within a short period of time of each other, but the next one will probably be a couple of days.**

**Thanks again to everyone reading, following, and/or reviewing! **

**Reciprocity**

"I think Gibbs is too personally involved with Colonel Ryan to be objective."

_Not this again._ "Please don't start, Kate. If Gibbs believes he's innocent, then he probably is." _Probably. _Tony would never admit it to Kate, but the idea that maybe this time Gibbs could be wrong had been nagging at him, too. The two agents had finally given up trying to sketch the unfortunate victim who had been burnt to a crisp by the bomb at Colonel Ryan's cabin. They were in the office trying to track down other leads while their boss was….

"Where do you think he went?"

"Following a lead, Kate, just like he said."

"Could he have been any more vague?"

"Gibbs doesn't have to tell us where he is every minute of the day." Tony said it with more force than was really necessary, as much to convince himself as to convince his partner. He was secretly hurt by Gibbs' secrecy on this case. He knew Colonel Ryan had been Gibbs' CO, but didn't Gibbs realize they were on his side? Couldn't he trust them? Couldn't the man trust _him_ at least?

"Do you think he knows more that he's letting on? Like maybe he knows where Colonel Ryan is and is just protecting him?"

The thought had occurred to Tony as well. _I sure hope that's not what you're doing, Boss. Way to end your career, aiding and abetting a fugitive. _"If Gibbs knew where he was, he'd be obligated to bring him in."

"But would he?"

Tony let the question hang in the air. With any other suspect, Tony knew the answer. But with someone Gibbs considered a friend? He wasn't so sure.

He shared a knowing look with his partner. _This is so not good._

* * *

"We've got to figure out how to help Gibbs," Kate affirmed as she and Tony were leaving autopsy the next day.

When they'd expressed their concerns to Ducky, the older man had suggested that it was not, in fact, a matter of Gibbs' lack of trust in his agents, but more a matter of protecting them that had led to his recent secrecy.

"I have an idea," Tony shared just a bit reluctantly. He had an idea, but Gibbs wouldn't like it when he found out. Not one bit. Still, if it saved his boss' career, and his freedom, it would be worth it. He owed the man at least that much. He couldn't sit back and let Gibbs be charged as an accessory to murder.

"Do I want to hear this?"

"I could just do it without telling you. You'd have plausible deniability."

The plausible deniability was tempting, but she wanted to help Gibbs, too. They'd have to be in this together. "Spill it, DiNozzo."

"I know where the boss charges his cell phone. I can get a look at his log of recent calls. Then we'd know if he's had contact with Ryan or not."

"And then what?"

"And then we confront him about it and let him know we want to help, but he has to keep us in the loop."

"And let him know we've been snooping? That's risky, Tony. Especially to you."

Tony had a sinking feeling about his plan, but it was the best he could come up with. This could really backfire on him. Gibbs was fiercely protective of his personal life. Tony could practically still feel his boss snatching that package out of his hands yesterday, and see the disapproval oozing from the piercing glare he'd received as a result. _And this could end up so much worse._ "You got any better ideas?"

After a moment of silence, Kate agreed, "No. Let's do it."

* * *

"We need your help, Abby."

"I'd do anything to help Gibbs, Kate, you know that."

"I knew we could count on you. Tony found out that Gibbs has had contact with Colonel Ryan. We need Gibbs to fill us in on everything so we can help him."

"How did Tony find that out? "

"He snuck a peek at Gibbs' cell phone."

"He _what?" _

"It was the only way, Abby. Gibbs wouldn't tell us anything."

"Yeah, but, Gibbs is just…very private. He's gonna go through the roof when he finds out." _Poor Tony. _Abby knew he was trying to help, but she could sense something bad was coming. She knew the two men had gotten closer recently. _I just hope this doesn't ruin everything._

"Gibbs isn't going to be very happy about going to prison either. Will you help us? We need you to get him down to the evidence garage so we can all talk to him. Privately."

"Of course, Kate. Anything you need." _Oh please let this work. Without Gibbs murdering Tony._

* * *

Tony had stayed behind in the evidence garage to talk to Abby, sending Kate back up to the bullpen ahead of him.

"He was really pissed at me, wasn't he Abby?" Tony was completely serious, a look of worry openly visible in his features that was rarely seen.

Abby knew that Kate had interpreted Gibbs' response as at least partially teasing, but Abby and Tony knew their boss well enough to detect the genuine anger behind his words. He'd probably tempered his response somewhat for Kate's benefit, and also with the knowledge that his team's intentions had been good. "He'll understand, Tony. When this is over, you can explain it to him. You did it because you care. It's not like he's never crossed some boundaries with you." Abby could hear herself saying the words, but she knew she didn't completely believe them. As much as she adored Gibbs, she also realized that, at times, he had one set of rules for others and a much different set for himself. He didn't appreciate people prying into his personal business, regardless of their intentions. She feared Tony had an uphill battle ahead of him.

"I hope you're right Abby. But at the moment I suppose we have bigger problems to worry about. It's just gonna have to wait." He hoped it wouldn't have to wait too long.

* * *

Tony kept a close eye on his boss at the hospital. While he was relieved that Colonel Ryan had been cleared, along with Gibbs, the resolution had been less than ideal. Ryan was suffering from paranoid schizophrenia, and in spite of the doctor's assurances that the man, in time, could go on to lead a relatively normal life, he could see how much his boss was affected.

The younger man hadn't had an opportunity to talk with Gibbs privately yet, but was hoping to have that chance very soon with the case now resolved. On some level, he realized the Lead Agent wasn't currently in the best frame of mind to have that conversation, but Tony didn't like the tension hanging between them and wanted to fix things as quickly as possible.

It didn't seem he was going to have that chance on that particular day either, when Gibbs curtly directed both his agents to knock off for the day as they were leaving the hospital.

Kate complied, sensing Gibbs was in no mood to be argued with. Tony sensed it, too, but a mixture of concern for the older man's current state of mind along with a desire to clear the air led him to back to the Navy Yard rather than to his apartment. There was a tiny voice in his head warning him that maybe it wasn't such a good idea, and that perhaps he needed to give Gibbs some space and have this conversation in a couple of days instead. Tony usually listened to that little voice, the one he associated with his "gut," but this time he chose to silence it instead.

But as Gibbs would say, "Never ignore your gut."

* * *

Gibbs hadn't felt this despondent in quite some time. On the drive back to NCIS, his one consolation was that he'd sent Kate and Tony home for the rest of the day and would have the opportunity for solitude to process everything that had occurred.

Colonel Ryan had been someone he'd admired and respected. But beyond that, the man had been one of the few people who had been able to be there for him after he'd lost Shannon and Kelly, along with Mike Franks. They hadn't kept in close contact, but unlike with Mike, who had abandoned both NCIS and himself, he'd felt that the Colonel was just a phone call away if he'd needed him, in spite of being halfway across the world in a war zone. Not that Gibbs had ever taken him up on that. But being around his former CO had been comforting in some sense, regardless of the troubled circumstances in which they had both found themselves.

Now Ryan was gone, too, in a way. He knew what the doctor had said, but Gibbs also knew that the man would never really be the same. And his own perception of him as someone almost larger than life had also been shattered irreparably. He was vulnerable now, unable to cope with the harsh realities of life. Gibbs felt even lonelier than he'd been before.

Of course, that wasn't entirely true. His team had been there for him. He was touched, in a way. He _had _been trying very hard to protect them, but appreciated their willingness to put their own careers on the line based on nothing more than loyalty to him and to his belief in his former Commanding Officer's innocence. But that didn't make him comfortable with their methods. He was especially disappointed in Tony.

He knew the younger man had been eager to help him. But there were a lot of things he simply wasn't ready to share, and Tony had a tendency to not know where to draw the line. His package, his cell phone, _why couldn't you have just asked me, Tony? _His relationship with Colonel Ryan was personal, and none of DiNozzo's business. _Tony has to learn to respect boundaries._

He'd talk to Tony about this in a few days. But he knew he needed to sort through it for himself before he could talk to DiNozzo. The last thing he needed was to say something to Tony he'd regret and have the younger man take it the wrong way. _Because if there is any way to take something the wrong way, Tony will find it._

Yes, he'd done the right thing sending Kate and Tony home. Hopefully, Ducky and Abby would understand his need to be left alone as well. He could deal with everything else tomorrow.

* * *

Gibbs had just returned to his desk when he heard someone coming off the elevator. Glancing up to see who it was, he caught sight of Tony.

Feeling a surge of anger that his agent hadn't listened to him, once again, he barked, "DiNozzo, did I not tell you and Agent Todd to go home for the day?"

"You did, Boss. But I thought maybe I could….help."

"In what way, Tony? The case is closed. Reports can wait 'til tomorrow. _Go_." He tried to use a tone that left no room for argument.

"Boss, I know this was a tough case for you and I'm really sorry about Colonel Ryan."

Gibbs didn't respond but sent a withering glare in Tony's direction. So, a nervous Tony continued talking. "You just seem a little upset and I want to help. You've been there for me lately when I've needed you, and I just want to reciprocate. What can I do?" It had taken almost all of Tony's courage to make the offer, but he felt he owed it to the man before him. Gibbs really had been there for him when he'd needed a place to stay. His methods were a bit unorthodox, but when they'd gotten past that, Tony had come to appreciate his boss' support more than he could say.

"You can _go home, _DiNozzo." Gibbs realized how he sounded, and didn't miss the brief disappointment on the younger man's face. But he was in no mood to talk. To anyone. And sometimes anger was the only way to get Tony to listen. That or a head slap, but Gibbs was afraid if he tried that right now, he could actually do some damage.

Tony debated with himself over whether to obey the order and try this conversation again in a few days. But the words just spilled out. Sometimes he couldn't help it. "Boss, look, I know I shouldn't have snooped, but …."

"You're absolutely right, DiNozzo, you _shouldn't _have. When are you going to grow up and learn to respect other people's privacy?"

Tony tried to hide the hurt, but didn't do so as successfully as usual. Then he got angry. "You mean like you respect _mine? _Like you don't stick your nose into who I date, or where I sleep. That was _my_ personal business, but that didn't stop you. Maybe you should have just let me sleep in the bullpen for a month. Or on the street. And maybe I should have just let you go to jail. Maybe we should just both stay out of each others' business from now on."

"Maybe we _should_, DiNozzo."

It was eerily silent for just a beat. Then Tony very quietly said, almost to himself, "My mistake, Boss." And with that he finally obeyed Gibbs' directive to leave.

Gibbs thought about stopping him, but had no idea what to say. He couldn't find the necessary words right now had his life depended on it.

_Tony will be fine. He always bounces back. We'll talk about it later and I'll fix it. Just not today._

* * *

"Morning, Kate. Morning, Boss." Tony strolled in the next morning with a bright smile. Too bright.

"Morning, Tony. Did someone have a hot date last night?"

"I don't know, Kate, _did_ you?"

"If I did, you would be the last person I'd share the details with DiNozzo, so don't even try."

Gibbs was surreptitiously examining Tony. Wearing his suit, hair slicked back, not a single one out of place. Thousand-watt smile. Trying very hard to project the not-a-care-in-the-world image he was known for around the office. Gibbs identified all the clues right away. Tony was hurt. Very much so. And overcompensating. Time to do something.

"DiNozzo. With me."

Tony very briefly looked uncomfortable, but quickly jumped up to follow him with an enthusiastic, "On your six, Boss" tossing a smile in Kate's direction for good measure.

Gibbs made his way to the elevator, Tony following closely. The doors closed behind the two men.

"Where we going, Boss?"

Gibbs reached over and flipped the switch to the elevator, not missing the brief look of apprehension on the younger man's face. _I am so bad at this. Please let it work. _"Tony," he said softly, so his agent would know he wasn't in any trouble, "about yesterday…"

"It's ok, Boss. There's no problem. Really. I shouldn't have pried into your cell phone records. Won't happen again, I assure you." Tony said the words quickly and definitively and with a finality that left Gibbs certain of where he stood with the younger man.

On a professional basis, they were fine. Tony would be there to cover his boss' six, just like always. They'd share their usual banter for the benefit and entertainment of their coworkers. DiNozzo would give him his very best work.

On a personal level, they were back where they'd started months ago. It was as if every trace of their recent progress had been erased. Tony would stay out of his business, just as he'd requested. And the younger man wouldn't be "bothering" him with anything personal either. Likely not even if he asked him to.

Gibbs nodded his understanding and started the elevator back up, the weight of failure resting heavily on both his shoulders and his heart. No use continuing this conversation because he knew it wouldn't lead anywhere. Not right now. Not when Tony was like this.

Not when the mask had been so firmly and carefully adjusted back into its place.


	17. Chapter 17 - Level-Headed

**Filler and episode tag for "Bete Noire." **

**Got this one done faster than expected, but once I started it just sort of wrote itself …**

"**Level-Headed"**

Anthony DiNozzo was no stranger to emergency rooms, though he was unused to viewing them from his current perspective outside the double doors. _I wonder if this is how it feels to be Gibbs_. Generally it was his boss sitting in the uncomfortable waiting room chair holding his third cup of coffee and staring at those same doors. Waiting. Then again, a lot of things had been turned on their heads during this day, so it was only fitting that he was here, dealing with the familiar, yet in a decidedly unfamiliar way.

His eyes traveled to the man seated across from him, looking tired and worn, the lines in his face that Tony had always associated with wisdom now etched with care and worry.

"Ducky, are you sure I can't get you anything? Coffee? Food?"

"Oh, no, my dear boy. I do appreciate the concern, but I don't believe I could stomach anything at the moment."

They were each present for someone on the other side of the double doors , but unlike Tony's charge, the man Ducky had accompanied would likely be spending the night here. Gibbs had been more lucky than Gerald. One man, if Tony knew his boss, would be back at work tomorrow; the other, he imagined, may never set foot inside the Navy Yard again. _I wouldn't blame Gerald if he got as far away from D.C. as possible. _Agents expect to risk their lives, but those entering the medical profession, even as Assistant Medical Examiners, expect to be saving lives, or at the very least protecting additional lives even if they can do nothing to protect their "patients." Certainly they do not expect to be risking their own.

"Do you think Gerald's going to be up for seeing you tonight?"

"No, Tony I don't imagine so. I phoned Gerald's girlfriend, Tanya, I believe. I am awaiting her arrival, poor girl. I simply didn't feel right leaving Gerald alone. Even if he does not know about it."

_So Gerald has a girlfriend. _Tony realized regretfully that Gerald had been with NCIS for two years, just like himself, and yet the agent knew very little about Doctor Mallard's assistant. He couldn't even recall ever having had lunch with the other man. And now he probably never would. He was very likely going to have to go through months of rehab before he could even consider returning to work. Gerald Jackson would be just another of many faces that had moved into and out of his life without much fanfare. _I'm sorry Gerald. This shouldn't have happened to you. And I should have known you better. _In that moment, Tony resolved that he would take the time to get to know Ducky's next assistant. If the Doctor could find another assistant, that is, once word got out that people get taken hostage and shot in the NCIS autopsy room.

"How did Jethro seem to you?" _Of course he would be worried about Gibbs, too. Why didn't I think of that? _Tony knew why. He'd been too wrapped up in his own concerns and hadn't stopped to consider that _two _people the doctor was close to had been shot today.

"He'll be fine, Ducky. Like I told him, it was a through-and-through, nothing vital hit. He just lost some blood and he'll be pretty sore. Probably be back at work tomorrow. I'd stay out of his way for a while, though."

"Yes, and, while I am of course relieved to hear good news regarding his physical well-being, I was actually referring to his mental state."

"Ahh. Well, to be honest with you, I'm not really the best person to ask. He doesn't exactly share things with me in case you hadn't noticed." There was a touch of bitterness in Tony's response, though he tried to be flippant. However, Ducky picked up on the meaning behind his words. Gibbs' friend was somewhat aware of what had occurred recently between the two men. Gibbs had been quite upset about it.

"Jethro doesn't share very much with me either, and I've been his friend for years. One thing you must learn about Jethro is that he communicates most effectively in methods that do not involve words. And when he does use words, the ones that come out are not often the ones he truly intended," the older man added with a slight chuckle.

"Oh, I think the boss means exactly what he says." Then Tony had a chance to process Ducky's previous question. With just a bit of alarm, he added, " But why are you asking about his mental state? There something you're not telling me?"

"I was simply wondering at Jethro's reaction to learning that he had not killed the…_perpetrator_." Ducky spat the word out with obvious disgust.

"He was angry. Who wouldn't be? But he left with the EMT right after that and I followed in my car so I could give him a lift home. " _And_ s_o he wouldn't try to show up back at work tonight like I know he would otherwise. And now I'm gonna have to pick him up in the morning too. Hopefully he won't take that as me overstepping my bounds again. _

"I expect that Jethro will not give up until he's found and apprehended that man. Or killed him. I can't say I would not personally prefer the latter. However, Gibbs has a tendency to become rather…._obsessive_….and, while I want our terrorist caught and brought to justice, I am simply rather concerned over the pursuit's effect on Jethro."

"What do you mean by 'obsessive'? I mean, you could say Gibbs is like that all the time. Most people _would _say that."

"There was this serial killer case once several years ago, before you joined NCIS. He was a horrible sociopathic man who tortured and killed scores of women. One of his victims happened to be a Petty Officer, therefore NCIS and subsequently, Jethro, became involved in the case. The killer was eventually caught and convicted, but at great personal cost to Jethro I'm afraid. His marriage was destroyed. He simply could not disengage himself from the case. I fear a repeat performance."

Tony processed the information for a moment. "Wow, Ducky, I had no idea."

"Yes, well, I only know because I worked with Jethro at the time. He does not speak about that case and hasn't since the conviction."

"He doesn't speak about a lot of things apparently."

"Anthony, I am afraid we will need to keep a close eye on him in the coming weeks."

"_We_ need to keep an eye on him? I think it's gonna have to be you, Ducky. Gibbs doesn't listen to me, believe me when I say that."

"Tony, you spend more time with him than anyone."

"Maybe so, Ducky, but I wouldn't call it 'quality time.' He made it very clear he doesn't want me butting in to his business. I try to get in his way and I don't doubt that he'll crush me. "

"Anthony, I know it doesn't seem as though Jethro values your opinion, but you must believe me when I tell you that it means far more to him than you realize."

"What do you expect me to do? If Gibbs is gonna obsess over finding this guy, I can't honestly blame him. And I don't think anyone could stop him if they tried, including you or me."

"Perhaps not, but _someone_ must keep a level head."

_And he's asking _me_? Doesn't he know how screwed up _I_ am? _"I'll keep an eye on him, Ducky. But I can't promise anything. Gibbs is gonna do what Gibbs is gonna do."

"Yes," the ME sighed, "that is precisely what worries me."

* * *

The ride from the hospital to Gibbs' house was so intense, Tony had started sweating in spite of the near-freezing temperature outside. The only words the older man had spoken since he walked out of the E/R had been regarding their terrorist. He was checking up on everyone and everything, making sure all the 'i's were dotted and the 't's crossed, that the picture of their terrorist had been properly distributed, the airports were on alert. If Tony heard the words, "Did you make sure that…" one more time, he just might go postal. Besides, deep down they both knew he was long gone by now.

Tony finally reached Gibbs' driveway. He thought about seeing the older man to his door at least, to make sure he got in ok, but realizing that was a bit overzealous, and not wanting to cross any imaginary boundaries that might set his boss off, he simply put the car in park and said, "I'll be here at 0600 in the morning." Gibbs began to get out of the car when he eyed the folder Tony had sitting on the floor. There was a picture of their terrorist clipped to the front of it. Gibbs stopped suddenly and grabbed the picture, without a word, and got out of the car.

_What is he planning to do with the picture at his house? I'm sure the man doesn't even own a scanner. Or a fax machine. _Gibbs' behavior had been particularly unnerving, and Tony's nerves were already fraught to begin with. _Maybe he's gonna pin it to the wall and throw darts at it. I'd sure hate to be that wall. _

Still puzzled, Tony headed back to the Navy Yard. It was the first real opportunity he'd had to breathe all day. And to think.

He and Kate had been discussing nightmares this morning. Who would have guessed they'd be living one before the day ended?

The thought of nightmares brought him back to the one he'd had a few weeks ago – the one of Gibbs, shot through the heart. Or the head. Dead in either case. _That one could have come true today. _He'd done pretty well at keeping an arm's length or two between himself and his boss the last several days. It had been more difficult than he'd anticipated. He'd never realized before how much their customary banter in the office crossed over into the personal until he'd been made acutely aware of it in recent days. Then, the stress of the hostage situation had caused him to lapse back into some of his old patterns.

He recalled his reaction to learning that his boss would have to deliver the "fake" box of evidence to their terrorist personally, unarmed and without any real backup to speak of. He was scared. And no matter how hard he'd tried to reconstruct the barrier that had once been so impenetrable, he couldn't protect against the fear. It was still the same fear he'd felt after his dream. And when Tony was afraid, he had a tendency to lose control of his mouth. So, he'd started rambling and Gibbs had picked up on his nervousness and called him on it. But it didn't stop there. He recalled now that he'd practically begged his boss for some word of affirmation. _"That's the same as saying someone you trust. Someone you can depend on? Your best man?" _Gibbs had laughed, but now Tony's face flushed pink at the memory. Did he have to sound so desperate? So weak? And in front of Gibbs of all people. No wonder the man had laughed. _At least the boss is so consumed with finding this terrorist, he probably doesn't even remember the conversation anymore. _

And, as if the shock of finding Gibbs shot hadn't been enough for one day, now Ducky had him worried about his boss' state of mind. _It's not your place, DiNozzo. Stop worrying about it and mind your own business._

He suspected that was not going to be nearly as easy to do as he'd originally thought.

* * *

Tony was alone in the bullpen now after finally convincing Kate to go home. He'd wondered if she was ok to go home by herself tonight, but an offer from him to go home with her would most certainly not have been welcomed in the spirit in which it was intended.

Because obviously he hadn't already been given enough to worry about for one day, Kate had informed him that she'd passed up the opportunity to take down their captor with one of Ducky's scalpels. _Gibbs would blow a fuse if he knew. _ What would possess Kate to feel any sort of sympathy with this man after what she saw him do to Gerald with her own eyes was something he could not even begin to comprehend. But there it was anyway, all over Kate's face.

Kate's empathy was an admirable trait. For a counselor or a social worker. In this business, he feared it may get her killed one day. It could have today.

_No point saying anything to Gibbs. There's nothing that can be done now. _And if Kate's demeanor had been any indication, she knew more than anyone that she'd screwed up. He just hoped she'd be able to get past this, especially knowing her captor was still on the loose.

He thought back to Ducky's earlier words. "Someone_ has to keep a level head_." Tony just might be the only one left. _Oh, the irony_.

Amazing how much things could change in just one day. But that's how it had always worked for him. One day his mother had been with them and then she'd been gone. In one day, he'd broken his leg and ended his pro sports career before it started. Then there was the day he found out Danny was a dirty cop, followed by the day Wendy left him. And the day he'd run into that burning building in Baltimore and pulled out the kid. _But you couldn't save his sister. _

He knew today would be one of those days he'd look back on and pinpoint as the day things had changed.

_How _they would change – that was the part that scared him the most.


	18. Chapter 18 - Tunnel Vision

**Episode tag for "The Truth is Out There."**

**This one and the next one will be a little shorter, but building up to more critical events yet to come.**

"**Tunnel Vision"**

While Kate's attention was temporarily diverted, Tony quickly grabbed the fork he had stashed under his placemat and took a heaping portion of his rice. Then he decided to get a little greedy and try for another. Unfortunately, his dinner companion turned her attention back to him just at the moment he was shoving another forkful into his mouth.

"DiNozzo! That's cheating!" When he and Kate had decided to go out for Chinese after work, his partner had announced to him that she was going to finally teach him to use chopsticks properly. He could still hear her teasing him with _"Tony, think of how much it will impress the ladies." _However, Tony had attempted this particular feat enough times to know that he was simply a lost cause. So, when they were seated and Kate had excused herself to visit the ladies' room, Tony had surreptitiously acquired a fork from the nearest waiter and hidden it, successfully up until now, underneath the placemat. Conveniently, after her return, Kate had noticed an attractive businessman seated nearby and very much alone. She kept stealing glances at the man, quite noticeably Tony thought, which had worked very nicely to Tony's advantage. Until now.

He put on his best pitiful face and defended himself with, "Sorry, Kate," and then added with emphasis, "but a guy's gotta eat!"

"You're hopeless."

He just smiled. It was good to finally be free. From the case. From work. From crime and from criminals. And especially from Gibbs. Indicating the lonely object of Kate's interest, he couldn't pass up the opportunity to tease her with, "You know, I could introduce you."

She blushed slightly at having been caught, but then added with surprise, "You know him?"

"No. Is that a problem?" he responded dryly. Now Kate was glaring at him. She didn't have the Gibbs glare quite perfected yet, but at times she came amazingly close. "I could go over there and tell him I'm just your brother, in case I'm cramping your style here or anything."

That had made her laugh. "No, Tony. Think I'll just leave it alone. Who has time to date when you work for Gibbs anyway."

"That's right, you had to cancel your date tonight didn't you. Was it with that surgeon guy? I'm sorry, I can't seem to remember his name."

"Because I've never _told _you his name, DiNozzo. But that was a good attempt. And, yes, I had to cancel my plans for the evening. Again. And what about you?"

"Knew better than to make any plans. With the way Gibbs has been lately." Suddenly their mirth had evaporated.

"Does he really sit and run that man's picture through every terrorist database over and over again? Every night?"

Tony clenched his jaw slightly. "Every night. During the day too. Sometimes I'm not sure he even goes home."

"How long do you think this will go on?"

"Until he catches the guy."

"You can't be serious. Like I said a couple of days ago, that man is long gone. We will probably never see him again. Gibbs can't stay fixated on him forever."

"Wanna bet?" Tony said, mirroring his earlier words when she had questioned whether or not Gibbs truly had a theory regarding their murdered officer and his group of "buddies" or had brought them back to the scene on a wild goose chase. It turned out that Tony had been right. Maybe he was right on this, too.

"Someone should talk to him."

Tony snorted, "Yeah, good luck with that one, Kate."

"I didn't mean me. I meant you."

_What is it with everybody? First Ducky, now Kate. _"Not a chance."

"You were the one who told me a while ago that you knew him a lot better than I did. "

That was a somewhat painful memory for Tony. At the time, he'd believed it to be true, even thinking he and the older man were forging a sort of friendship. But he'd since come to believe otherwise. Still, when it came to Gibbs' behavior on the job, Tony supposed he was as much an expert as anyone else. "I know him well enough to know it's best left alone. What we need to do is just keep our heads down and do our jobs. And keep our mouths shut."

Kate sighed. "I don't know how much longer I can do that. Gibbs is difficult on his best day, but he's been nearly unbearable since that terrorist got away. Can _you_ live with this indefinitely?"

"I don't really have an alternative unless I find another job. And since I wouldn't even have time to look without Gibbs finding out, that's not gonna happen." _And I sort of made a promise. No matter what's happened since then, I keep my word. _ At Kate's unhappy expression he decided to add, "Cheer up, Kate. Maybe he'll fire us."

"Or catch the terrorist."

Tony thought he detected just a hint of hesitation. "You _want _him to catch the guy, don't you?"

She hesitated again and this time Tony was certain as to what he'd heard. "Of course, Tony. He'll…bring him in, right?"

Tony looked Kate squarely in the eyes. "Or kill him." Kate flinched just slightly, but enough for her partner to pick up on. "You'd be ok with that, wouldn't you?"

"Only if there was no other choice. We're supposed to be after justice, Tony, not revenge."

"Oh, Gibbs'll get his justice. One way or another." Tony paused, then added with a bit more gentleness, "Whatever happens, it's not your fault, Kate."

"I hesitated."

"Yes, so you told me. And I don't really understand it, but I wasn't there. This guy is really good, Kate. He got Gibbs to play right into his hands. If it's any consolation, Gibbs is blaming himself right now, too."

"It doesn't really help, but thanks for trying." Changing the subject, she decided to bring up something she'd been wondering about for a while now. "Did something happen between you and Gibbs?"

Tony stiffened at the question. He'd tried very hard to keep the status quo at work, not letting anyone see the hint of resentment he still felt towards his boss for basically slamming the door to anything regarding his personal life in Tony's face. "You mean other than his particularly foul mood these last few days?"

"It just feels like something else. You didn't even want to _ask _him to come out with us tonight."

"I knew he'd say no. He's got other things on his mind. And when have you ever known Gibbs to fraternize with his agents outside of work?" _I wonder if being his houseguest would be considered fraternizing, _Tony mused.

"We could've at least asked. Maybe it would have helped."

"Wouldn't have helped us. Can you imagine having Gibbs sitting here with us right now? Not speaking. Would that have made you feel relaxed? Besides, then we wouldn't be sitting here talking about him behind his back," Tony said with a slight smirk of satisfaction.

"I know one thing. If this doesn't stop, I'm never going to have a social life again."

"Welcome to my world, Katie."

* * *

Gibbs had been staring at the computer screen for so long he was beginning to see double. _Kate and Tony are right. I do need glasses._ He scrubbed his hands over his face. _What time is it, anyway? _It was now 10:00pm and he'd been sitting here for two hours running that smug face against every database he had access to. Still nothing.

_I will find you. No one touches my people. _

He thought of Kate and Tony. _What was it I heard them say when they were walking out? Something about going for Chinese food. _Gibbs audibly sighed, though there was no one left in the building to hear him. Hopefully they were enjoying each others' company as opposed to killing each other. You never knew with his two agents which versions of them you were going to get. If he had to guess, he'd say they were probably getting along tonight though. _And griping about me. At least they have each other._

Gibbs knew he'd been nearly impossible for days. If his agents had known the truth, they would know that he didn't even like being around himself at the present time. Every time he closed his eyes he could see that face, daring him, challenging him, ridiculing him. _You can't catch me, _he'd hear the voice taunting in his head. Something about this man had sent his gut spinning into overdrive. No, he didn't like being played and being beaten, but that was only part of it. Something in his gut was _screaming _that this man had to be stopped. Because there was something much bigger brewing.

_I have to protect them. _Tony, Kate, Abby, Ducky. Pacci, Balboa. Gerald. _A little late to be worrying about Gerald now, don't you think? _

But beyond protecting his team and his friends, there were other people out there he'd sworn to protect as well. _Someone's wife, someone's child_. And this one face was a threat to them all. He wondered again at how the man he'd so admired, Mike Franks, could have just walked away, abandoning not only Gibbs but his responsibility and sworn duty. _I may have failed once, but it won't happen again. And I will not give up or walk away. Not until you are no longer a threat._

As he was staring into nothing, Gibbs suddenly noticed that Tony had left the television on behind his desk. _Probably left it on for my benefit. _Tony thought his boss couldn't hear his conversation with Kate, but Gibbs had still picked up enough to know that Kate had suggested inviting him to dinner and Tony had assured her that he was "busy" doing what he did every night. The younger man had clearly picked up on his new favorite evening activity. That, and he also suspected that Tony hadn't exactly welcomed the idea of Gibbs' presence at dinner.

The thought of Tony caused a pang of guilt. Things still weren't right between them. Gibbs marveled that in spite of their personal challenges, there had been no disruption to their effectiveness as a team. But even if no one else had picked up on it, he and Tony both knew there was tension between them. Gibbs had fully intended to make another attempt to fix things, to explain what he'd said to Tony had been out of anger and stress. To explain that he appreciated Tony's desire to help, but that he simply wished he'd gone about it differently. But everything had been turned upside down now.

He'd still fix it, of that he was certain. First he had to catch this terrorist. Everything else could wait. Unfortunately, for now, that had to include Tony. At least Gibbs no longer felt concerned that the younger man was going anywhere. He knew he wouldn't go back on his commitment now. There was still time to repair what was broken.

_I will fix it, Tony. I promise. _

He focused his attention back to the face on his screen. _Right after I take care of him. _


	19. Chapter 19 - Brotherhood

**Filler and episode tag for "UnSEALed." Have I mentioned how much I love McGee and Tony? Almost as much as Gibbs and Tony.**

**This one's much lighter in tone, but we'll be returning to the Gibbs/Tony angst in the next one.**

"**Brotherhood"**

"So, Tony's getting on your nerves?" Abby and McGee had been assigned to work together in her lab to go through evidence related to Margaret Curtin's murder, an assignment Agent McGee had accepted with great pleasure. Although his reaction when Agent Gibbs had given him that assignment had been rather embarrassing. _"I'm on her. It. I'm on _it_."_ Special Agent Gibbs just made him so nervous he got completely tongue-tied.

And then there was Agent DiNozzo. In many ways he admired the older man, but he'd discovered while working on this case that his more senior counterpart could also be incredibly annoying. He had just shared with Abby that the one thing he can't figure out is some way to make Tony shut up. "I think he hates me, Abby."

"What? Tony doesn't hate you. Not at all. What gave you that idea?"

"Where do I start? He picks on me all the time. This morning, he kept flashing the camera in my face on purpose. And then he started doing this Tommy Lee Jones impression…"

Abby was highly amused. "He did his 'Fugitive' speech? Oh Tony does that every few months. He's a movie fanatic! What else?"

_Great. Something to look forward to. _"He tried to make me think I was going to get infected with some gastrointestinal disease."

"Ok. And? What else?" Abby's smirk was becoming even more pronounced. She seemed to be enjoying the conversation as much as DiNozzo enjoyed tormenting him.

"And… he _hit _me! On the back of the head!"

This made Abby sit up in surprise, now a look of fascination replacing the smirk. "He head-slapped you?" she replied in awe.

"Yes he did! I told you, I think he hates me. It reminded me of…" Tim caught himself just in time. It wouldn't do to tell Abby about being bullied in high school. Abby was probably the most popular girl in school. _What would she think if she knew what a geek I was back then?_

But Abby didn't seem interested in what it reminded him of. "_Timmy!_ He head-slapped you!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"Yes…that's what I just…said. Why do you seem so excited about it?" he asked with a frown. He'd hoped for a little more sympathy but was rather disappointed that Abby didn't seem to agree with his assessment of Agent DiNozzo.

"Don't you know what that means?"

"Uh, no…apparently not."

"McGee! He likes you, like a _lot_!"

He gave her a dubious look. "He likes me." he said very slowly.

"Oh my gosh! He did to you exactly what Gibbs does to him! That is _such _a compliment!" She gave him a hug, a gesture he didn't mind at all, though he was still completely confused.

"Gibbs hits Tony on the back of the head?" _Not that I would mind seeing that._ "And somehow you think that means he _likes _me?"

"_Absolutely! _Look, McGee, if he hated you he wouldn't tease you. He'd just get really, really serious and intense." Abby tried to demonstrate by lowering her voice and channeling her version of the "intense" look.

"Somehow I can't picture that. It sounds more like Special Agent Gibbs."

"Tony's more like Gibbs than you think. Actually, Tony's more like Gibbs than _Tony_ thinks."

"You really like Tony." It was an observation he made affectionately, meant more as a compliment to Abby's ability to see the good in people than to DiNozzo's good character.

"I adore Tony. He's a really great guy. He just takes some getting used to. You'll see."

"I'm glad _you_ think so, Abs. But are you saying I should just let him pick on me?"

"Oh, _no_! You should _totally_ get back at him!"

* * *

"Agent McGee, can I talk to you?" It was DiNozzo's voice, and it sounded unusually serious. _I told Abby he hated me. _"Alone?"

Tony pulled McGee off to the side, out of earshot of Kate, and more importantly, Gibbs. "What were you doing back there in interrogation?"

"Uh, I uh, had some really important information to give to Special Agent Gibbs." Gibbs had already reprimanded him for interrupting an interrogation and he was really in no mood to be lectured by Tony DiNozzo, of all people.

Tony took a deep breath. "McGee, _never _interrupt Gibbs in interrogation. You're lucky to still be standing here right now."

"Obviously Agent Gibbs thought it was important too, since I'm still here."

"I'm sure it was, but he also gave you a break because you're a probie. You won't be so lucky next time, believe me."

"Well I appreciate your concern but…"

"No 'buts' McGee!" Tony said more sternly this time. Then, realizing he may be starting to let Gibbs' recent mood rub off on him, he backed off and added more gently, "Look, I understand that the information was critical. But from now on, something like that happens you bring it to me, okay? I'll decide if it's important enough to break one of Gibbs' cardinal rules and if anyone interrupts him, it'll be _me. _Understood?"

"Got it, Agent DiNozzo." McGee nodded his understanding but his thoughts were in contrast to his apparent submission. _Yeah, you probably just want the credit for bringing him the information yourself._

* * *

"What was that all about?"

"What was _what _all about, Kate?"

"Your little private conference with Agent McGee. What are you two up to?" she asked suspiciously.

"We're not up to anything. I had a little chat with the probie about interrupting the boss when he's doing an interrogation."

"Oh. You don't think Gibbs already had a little 'chat' with him?"

"I don't doubt that he did, but I want to make sure since Gibbs didn't actually _kill_ him this time that he doesn't think it's ok to do it again. If Gibbs is gonna kill someone, it should be me." _And he just might if he doesn't find that terrorist soon._

"Interesting." Kate was examining him again. It reminded him of the uncomfortable way she had been studying him a few weeks ago.

"What's _interesting, _Kate?"

"I just find it fascinating that you're so concerned about Gibbs not killing Agent McGee, that's all."

"Why is that fascinating? If McGee's dead, who's going to figure out all our high-tech computer-y stuff? Not Gibbs."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to protect him."

It was the truth. But he wasn't about to admit it. "I'm protecting myself, Kate. Gibbs kills McGee, he's gonna go back to taking out all his frustrations on me."

Kate had that smug look now, Tony thought. That I-know-everything look she got sometimes. "Whatever, Tony."

* * *

_McGee got me again. I can't believe it. _

Tony had tried to trick the younger agent into asking Gibbs about the identity of his mysterious redheaded companion. Instead, McGee had turned the prank around on himself and Kate, telling Gibbs that they had something they wanted to ask him.

Now Gibbs was looking at them both expectantly.

"Uh, we just wanted to ask you where you got your new…_glasses, _Boss! Your glasses! Cause they make you look very…"

"Distinguished," Kate added quickly. Then under her breath, "Nice save, DiNozzo."

"Uh-huh," Gibbs responded, skeptically, but amused. Then he tiredly added, "Both of you, go on, get out of here. It's late."

It was the nicest Gibbs had been in weeks, though Tony didn't expect it to last. He'd been truly worried that his boss would go off on McGee earlier for interrupting him, since he'd been mostly operating on a hair trigger lately. Tony knew his own nerves were becoming frayed as well. He'd practically thrown Curtin's file at Gibbs earlier and had even himself interrupted the older man, albeit not in an interrogation. They'd already had a personal falling-out; they didn't need to have a professional one as well. _He's gotta find that terrorist soon, for all our sakes._

As Tony was preparing to leave, he suddenly remembered something from earlier in the day. "Hey, Boss, I wonder what Pacci needed help with earlier."

"No idea, DiNozzo. Guess we'll find out tomorrow."


	20. Chapter 20 - Second of Three

**Filler and episode tag for "Dead Man Talking."**

"**Second of Three"**

Gibbs looked around at the faces of his friends and colleagues attending Chris Pacci's memorial service. _It could have been any one of us. But why did it have to be Chris?_ Director Morrow had asked him to speak, but he had declined. He didn't feel he deserved the honor, having turned down the last request his friend had made of him. And now he was dead. The best he could do for Chris would be to catch his killer, and that was precisely what Gibbs intended to do. It even took priority over catching the unnamed terrorist he'd been chasing for weeks. _But don't worry, I'll deal with you, too, eventually. You can't hide forever._

His thoughts turned to Agent Pacci. He finally knew what the man had been working on when he'd requested assistance the other day. He and his team had picked up right where Chris left off, and they would take it through to completion. _But it won't help Chris. It's too late for you to help him now, Gibbs. You couldn't be bothered when he asked you, and now he's gone. And it's partially your fault. _The guilt had been eating at him, compounding the already dismal mood he'd been in for weeks thanks to their terrorist. Gibbs was by no means a superstitious person, but he kept remembering something Abby always said. _Bad things happen in threes. _Their terrorist was number one, Pacci's murder was number two. W_hat horrible thing is going to happen next? You can't protect them all. _

There was a slight break in the service, and Kate leaned over to whisper something. "It's too bad McGee and DiNozzo couldn't be here."

The two agents were busy staking out Amanda Reed's residence so that Gibbs and Kate could attend the memorial service. Gibbs wouldn't have missed the service, but it didn't seem right somehow that Tony shouldn't be here. Unfortunately, he didn't want to pair Kate and McGee together on the stakeout. McGee was still about as "probie" as a probie could be, and Kate still wasn't all that experienced herself as an NCIS agent. And they were dealing with a vicious killer. They couldn't take any chances. The picture of Pacci's gory remains was burned in Gibbs' memory forever. Ducky had been right when he'd told his temporary assistant that nothing prepares you to see someone you know in that kind of state.

He'd felt bad that DiNozzo wouldn't be able to make it, but somehow the younger man had seemed almost relieved. Now Gibbs wondered if Tony just didn't feel comfortable at funerals, or if his agent didn't want to be around _him_.

Chris had been a good friend, not only to himself but to Tony, too, even if DiNozzo didn't actually know how much he owed Pacci. Gibbs had depended on the other agent's assistance when he'd decided he was interested in recruiting the then-Detective DiNozzo. Chris had done a lot of the legwork for him, finding more information on Tony and his background while he was still actively working his undercover assignment alongside DiNozzo and the Baltimore PD. Tony still had no idea that Pacci had been the one running his background checks and would now likely never know. That was one of the reasons Gibbs had considered Chris such a good friend – the other man was discreet and could be trusted.

But Pacci had helped Tony out even more after he'd begun his employment with NCIS. As Gibbs was remembering the man, one particular conversation stood out in his memory.

_**Two years ago…**_

"Hey, Gibbs. Got a minute?"

"Agent Pacci. Always have time for you, man. Whatcha got?"

"I feel like I need to make you aware of something. Can we talk privately?" Gibbs knew it must be important by the other man's tone. The two men found an open conference room and closed the door behind them.

"Something wrong, Chris?"

"Maybe. It's about your new agent, DiNozzo."

"Tony?" Gibbs had a bad feeling. His newest addition had only been there a couple of weeks, but had already ruffled more feathers than Gibbs himself could have ruffled in a year. "What's he done now?" the older man asked with a certain amount of dread.

"I hate to pry, and I wasn't even sure I should say anything." Chris tended to mind his own business and was reluctant to get involved, but Gibbs was someone he considered a good friend and he knew how much promise he'd seen in his new recruit.

"Just say it, Chris. We're friends. I won't hold it against you."

"Thanks." Pacci smiled slightly in obvious relief. "Last night, I was at that bar several of the agents hang out at after work. Balboa and I were kind of keeping to ourselves, but there was a group of other agents there. And then Agent DiNozzo was there too, by himself I think."

Gibbs was starting to get a very bad feeling. He'd suspected his agent had come in hungover a few times already, but now he was certain his suspicion was about to be confirmed. "Go ahead."

"Well, Tony seemed pretty drunk. Actually, I'd say he was probably completely wasted. And, you know, he and Agent Hoskins haven't been exactly hitting it off."

"Hoskins doesn't exactly 'hit it off' with anyone around here." Gibbs had always found the agent in question to be an arrogant SOB.

"He has a particular dislike for DiNozzo. And to make matters worse, Hoskins was there with his girlfriend and Tony started hitting on her. I think he did it on purpose. Like I said, though, he was pretty smashed. Hoskins shoved him and Tony I think was about to take a swing when Balboa and I went over and broke it up. I called a cab for DiNozzo and got him out of there while we were waiting. But if anything else like that happens, things could get pretty tough for him around here. I like the kid, and I know you do too. I thought you'd want to know. Maybe you could shake some sense into him before he totally screws up his future here."

"Oh, I'll definitely take care of it." He good-naturedly slapped Pacci on the shoulder and added, "Thanks, Chris. You did the right thing. Appreciate it."

It was the first time he'd had to have an "elevator meeting" with Tony and he hadn't enjoyed it, but he'd effectively ripped the younger man a new one.

Fortunately, painful as it had been for both of them, it had worked. Tony somehow figured out how to deal with his issues without bringing them to work. He and Hoskins never got along, but the other agent had been on his way out the door anyway and was only there another couple of months. By then, Tony had somehow managed to smooth things over enough with the rest of his colleagues that most of them barely remembered that there had ever been a problem. Although there were a few that Gibbs knew would never be fans of Anthony DiNozzo.

_**Present Time**_**…**

Gibbs found himself wondering, not for the first time, how Tony was dealing with recent events. _Not like he'd tell me if I asked him. _DiNozzo hadn't been as close with Chris as he had, but they had been friendly. They played together on the softball league and even went out after work occasionally. _I wonder who Tony spends his time with these days. If anyone._

The night they'd found Pacci, Gibbs had made Kate cancel her date. And he hadn't exactly been sensitive about it. Now he remembered barking at Tony, asking the younger man if he had anyone he needed to call. Tony's response had been bothering him ever since.

"_No, Boss. No calls."_ There had been something indescribably sad in the way Tony had responded. Gibbs could have kicked himself for his tone. He'd forgotten he wasn't the only one grieving. He'd forgotten about a lot of things lately.

He'd also apparently forgotten, however briefly, that Tony had pretty much told him he didn't have any friends locally. And since the two of them were back to professional-only communication, whatever Tony was feeling he was very likely dealing with alone.

_Just like always._

* * *

_Gibbs and Kate should be back any minute now. _Tony glanced over at Agent McGee. The probie agent had been surprisingly good company on this stakeout. And he was clever. Tony had been trying to come up with a good prank to play on Kate, but McGee, clearly spooked by the idea of also risking a prank to Gibbs, had "convinced" him that the best prank of all would be none – because Kate would be driving herself crazy trying to figure out what they had done. It was actually sort of brilliant in a slightly geeky kind of way.

He just hoped McGee wouldn't cave and tell the boss that he'd made contact with their suspect. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time. It _still _seemed like a good idea, as a matter of fact. Tony had been able to turn on the charm to get them what they needed in all kinds of situations before. But, when he'd asked Gibbs to let him question her, his boss had said no. Tony had even tried to press for a good reason for the negative answer, but Gibbs had simply changed the subject. He was a little hurt to be honest. His superior may not appreciate his "nosiness" into his personal business, but Tony had thought he appreciated his skills as an agent. There was a small part of him recently wondering if that could change as well. As much as he liked Agent McGee, he was also aware that the boss was beginning to appreciate the younger man's abilities and his potential as well. _When Kate gets totally up to speed and McGee is a little more seasoned, he could probably replace me. _

A tiny hint of jealousy had crept in. Tony tried to convince himself that he was still valuable, but sometimes he thought maybe he needed to do something to help make that case. _Doesn't hurt to remind Gibbs why he hired me every now and then. _He was just the smallest bit ashamed that he'd tried to let Gibbs think he had been the one to find Amanda Reed's address instead of McGee. Of course, Gibbs had caught on. So now Tony was both embarrassed and insecure.

_Maybe that's why I did it. _He'd seen the opportunity to make contact with Amanda and he'd gone for it. Now he was wondering if he'd done the right thing. Or more specifically, if he'd done it for the right reasons. Was he really just seizing the best opportunity that presented itself? Looking for justice for Chris, along with a side order of revenge? Trying to show off in front of Agent McGee, hoping the younger man would look up to him the way he himself looked up to Gibbs? Trying to impress his boss and remind him why he needed him on his team? Led astray by a beautiful woman?

_Or maybe all of the above._

* * *

Kate watched in stunned disbelief as Gibbs walked past the body of Amanda Reed aka Lt. Commander Voss and made his way over to a slightly woozy Tony.

"You okay, DiNozzo?" Gibbs' expression was difficult to read. He looked angry, but his tone conveyed a gentleness that contradicted the stormy look on his face.

Tony just stood there, confused.

"Tony?" Gibbs tried again, this time using his agent's first name.

"Boss?" He reached up to check the back of his head.

"Whoa, hold on DiNozzo. Sit down a minute. Paramedics are on their way. Let's have them check you out." Gibbs carefully looked at the back of Tony's head himself from where his agent had been hit with a bottle. _At least he didn't get shot and cut open. _Gibbs didn't even want to think about how concerned he'd been over that possibility just a few minutes prior. "Did you lose consciousness?"

"I…I don't think so. I saw the whole thing. I saw you shoot her. Him."

"Started to pull his gun on me. I had no choice."

Tony noticed that Kate had made her way over to McGee to check on his wellbeing. They were both looking at him with some mixture of sympathy and disbelief. _They're both thinking what a pathetic idiot I am. They're probably right._

The EMT's were making their way into the bar. Gibbs waved them over.

"Need you to check out my agent. He got hit on the back of the head with a beer bottle. Think he's bleeding a little."

Tony winced as the EMT hit a particularly tender spot. Then they started asking him the familiar "concussion" questions. He did _not _want to add another trip to the E/R to this disastrous and humiliating experience.

"Look, I've had a concussion before and, trust me, I don't have one now. I'm _fine._ I'll just put some ice on it and I'll be good as new." He noticed that Gibbs was listening very carefully to the exchange.

"Whenever there is a head injury, I always recommend getting it checked out. But since you didn't lose consciousness and you insist you're fine, I will leave that up to you. If you experience dizziness, nausea, persistent head…"

"Headaches, yeah, yeah, I know the routine. Anything happens, I go to the E/R. But really, I'm _fine."_

With one glance at a doubtful-looking Gibbs, the EMT seemed satisfied. Gibbs, not so much.

"You'd better not be lying, DiNozzo."

He wasn't really lying. He had no doubt his head was going to be just fine. The physical part, anyway.

The part on the inside, he wasn't so sure about.

* * *

"Forget it. I can't take it." Tony got up to leave, but Gibbs stopped him.

"Where do you think you're going, DiNozzo? We're not done here." The former gentleness in his boss' tone was gone, replaced by a tone than Tony recognized as "you're in big trouble now." He gingerly made his way back to his seat, eyes wide. _Please, Boss. I'm not sure I can handle this tonight._

Kate, Abby and McGee recognized their cue to leave, all of them grateful to not be in Tony's shoes right now. McGee and Abby walked out together, Abby stopping to give Tony one final sympathetic hug. She whispered, "Good luck." Kate was silent, looking back and forth between Tony and their boss with just a touch of guilt. A moment ago she'd been teasing Tony about kissing a guy, but she now realized the joke wasn't all that funny. Gibbs obviously wasn't amused, and she had a sinking feeling DiNozzo was about to experience the full brunt of his wrath. Tony could usually take anything Gibbs could dish out, but there was something about him that seemed out-of-the-ordinary. She couldn't quite pinpoint it, but he almost seemed fragile_. _

When he was certain everyone had gone, Gibbs fixed an intense glare on Tony. The younger agent generally responded to that glare with a steady gaze of his own, even when he knew he was about to receive a tongue-lashing. On this evening, instead, he looked down, avoiding meeting his boss' eyes. Under normal circumstances, that reaction would have given Gibbs all the indication he needed that perhaps he should take a different approach. But things hadn't been "normal" for weeks now, and Gibbs forged ahead.

"Give me one good reason not to suspend you right now." At least he got to the point.

Tony might've responded with defiance, but his head hurt, and he was ashamed, humiliated, depressed…all he could come up with was an unusually quiet, "I can't."

"No, you _can't. _Because you defied an express order. I told you when you asked me to let you question her that Pacci was keeping his distance for a reason, and that we were going to do the same 'til we found out why. Was that _unclear _to you somehow, DiNozzo?"

"No."

"No? Then do you care to explain to me what the _hell _you thought you were doing today?! Because of all the boneheaded things you've done before, I think this is most boneheaded of all. You make contact against my orders, with a _probie _agent your only backup. And then you convince him to cover for you! And you make a _date? _Did you _think_ at all before you did any of this? Or were your hormones doing all your thinking for you? I want you to think about Pacci. Think real hard about what happened to him, because that very well could've been what happened to…." He never got to add the "you" to his statement, because at that moment, Tony abruptly and unexpectedly jumped up and bolted out of the bullpen.

Gibbs was absolutely flabbergasted that Tony would just walk out on him until he realized that Tony had gone in the direction of the men's head. Realizing in disbelief and a touch of horror what must've happened, he got up and followed.

He could hear Tony retching the moment he opened the door. _I couldn't have upset him that much. Tony can handle my temper better than anyone. _Then the worry started to creep in. Tony got hit in the back of the head earlier. _What if he was lying to me? He could have a concussion. _He knew he wasn't going to be able to convince the younger man to go to the E/R. "Tony?" he asked hesitantly.

The younger man was pale and unsteady on his feet. Refusing to meet his boss' eyes, he slowly walked over to the sink and started rinsing his mouth. "I want you to go let Ducky check you out. You might still have a concussion."

Tony protested weakly. "No, Gibbs, I don't have a concussion. Really."

"No argument. Ducky. Now." He left no room for the younger man to argue, but tried to keep his tone soft.

Knowing there was no use protesting, Tony very slowly made his way to the elevator, Gibbs following closely behind. He thought about physically going with the younger man down to autopsy, but thought better of it. It could be seen as heavy-handed and he finally realized, too late, that Tony was in no mood to be dealing with his temper tonight. So he saw Tony safely into the elevator and gave his friend a heads-up.

He knew Ducky was still in the building. When he'd told his friend earlier that he planned to go through Pacci's belongings tonight to pack them up, the doctor had indicated that he'd stick around for a while as a support, even though he was certain Gibbs wouldn't actually _talk _to him about the things that were so heavily weighing on his mind.

"Jethro? Everything alright?"

"I'm not sure. Tony's on his way to see you. Need you to check him out. Might have a concussion."

"I heard about the unfortunate turn of events earlier this evening. Anthony was in looking for an ice pack earlier, but he insisted he was fine. Has something changed?"

"Yeah, I found him in the men's head puking his guts out." It was a poor choice of words, he immediately realized after the expression was already out of his mouth.

"Oh, dear. I can assure you I will check him out thoroughly."

"Thanks, Duck. Let me know." Gibbs ran his hands over his face. Why wasn't anything ever easy with DiNozzo?

* * *

"Anthony. Gibbs filled me in. Come over here and let's have a look, shall we?"

Tony sighed wearily. He just wanted to go home. This day kept getting worse and worse. "I'm sure I don't have a concussion Ducky."

"Jethro said you were vomiting earlier?"

"It's not what he thinks."

"Oh? It sounds as if you have an explanation. Have you been ill?"

"No, it's not that either. It's just that…" How did he explain to Ducky the feeling of utter disgust that had led to this?

"It's alright, Tony. You know whatever you tell me need go no further."

"I appreciate that Ducky. It's just been a really bad couple of days. I guess it all just sort of…caught up to me."

"What caught up to you, specifically?"

Tony looked particularly uncomfortable. "Pacci. The sight of him. Like that. And then I was _kissing _her. Him. _It. _I don't even know what to call it. He _did _that to Pacci and I…" He wasn't doing a very good job at putting it into words.

"I see. But you can't blame yourself Anthony. You didn't know. You were trying to help. To get justice. And you did."

"But I did the _wrong _thing and it could've blown up in my face. I don't even know _why, _really. Gibbs is right, it was completely stupid."

"Gibbs? Did he say that?"

"Oh he said a lot of things. And I'm sure he'd have said a whole lot more, except that I had to run out with my tail between my legs to go…puke. I'm sure he's ready to murder me by now."

"He's quite worried about you. Though he feared a concussion, which I am happy to say I do not believe to be of concern now that I have examined you. However, I am going to recommend that you go home immediately and get some rest. You are looking rather pale. If you do begin to have concussion symptoms, go to the E/R immediately. I have no doubt that you know what the indications are. But I believe some rest and relaxation will have you feeling good as new. And if you need to call in tomorrow, I will be more than happy to handle things with Gibbs."

"Thanks, Ducky, but at this point I wonder if he'd even care if I just didn't show up in the morning. Or ever."

"Anthony, you mustn't think that. Gibbs hasn't been himself lately, but I assure you he is quite aware of your presence. Now, go on home. I'll let Jethro know I'm sending you on your way."

With a relieved sigh, Tony stepped out of the autopsy room. _Finally, this day is going to end._

* * *

"Well?"

"Well, Jethro, he does not have a concussion. I did, however, send him home with strict orders to rest. The young man has been through quite a lot the past couple of days. As we all have."

Relieved as he was to hear Tony wasn't concussed, he still wasn't ready to let the incident go just yet. "Is he sick? Something made him puke. That's not like Tony. Except when I'm driving."

"Hmm, yes I know of your driving habits. No, Anthony is not ill. I believe it was stress."

Gibbs was silent for a bit before he hesitantly admitted to Ducky, "I came down pretty hard on him for the stunt he pulled. But Tony's never been afraid of me. That's not normal."

"Jethro, it wasn't really you either. Although I suspect that if your instincts were not currently so _clouded _you might have picked up that something wasn't right with the young man before you started in on a tirade. However, I believe he simply had too much to deal with at once and it caught up to him at a rather inopportune moment."

"I _had_ to reprimand him. He disobeyed an order. And put himself in a lot of danger in the process. I don't know what he was thinking."

"If it helps, he indicated that he wasn't quite certain why he did it either. The young man sometimes goes to great lengths to impress you as I believe you have noticed. "

"Not necessary. And I wasn't impressed."

"He realizes he acted in error, Jethro. I don't believe there is any point in revisiting the rather unpleasant conversation you begun with him earlier."

Realizing his friend was probably right, Gibbs thanked him and wished him a good night.

* * *

Gibbs finally finished going through the rest of Pacci's belongings and had them neatly boxed up for his loved ones. _So this is it. Now a new agent moves in and we're supposed to go on like you were never here I suppose. _But Gibbs knew he would never forget.

His thoughts turned to Tony. The younger man would've had plenty of time to get home by now. He had been fighting the urge to call and check up on him ever since Tony had left. _He needs his rest. He might be sleeping by now. I can take care of it tomorrow._

Then he remembered his conversation with Tony a few evenings ago. DiNozzo had wondered what Pacci had needed help with earlier and Gibbs had said he guessed they'd find out tomorrow. Only "tomorrow" Chris had been gone. How Gibbs wished now that he hadn't put the other man off.

He picked up his phone and dialed Tony's number. His gut started to churn slightly when the other man didn't pick up right away, but was immensely relieved when he finally heard the other man's voice.

"Gibbs, really, I'm fine. No concussion. I swear. I hope you aren't planning to call every hour or anything."

The older man smiled. In spite of whatever difficulties in communication they had been having recently, Tony could still read his mind better than almost anyone. "Can't blame me for checking. Never had you walk out on me to go puke before."

"Uh, yeah, Boss. Sorry about that. It sort of couldn't wait. You can finish chewing me out tomorrow. If I'm not suspended, that is." Gibbs could hear the embarrassment coming through the other man's voice.

The older man sighed. "Tony, you're not suspended. Was just trying to make a point. And I think you got it, so no point in continuing our…_discussion_…tomorrow. Just…" Gibbs took a rare moment to collect his thoughts before speaking. There was one more point he wanted to make, but he also realized Tony had been through enough turmoil for one day. "Just understand that if I say 'no' I've got a good reason for it. Got it?"

"Got it, Boss. Anything else?" Gibbs could hear the weariness in Tony's voice and knew it was time to let his agent get some rest.

There was a lot more he'd like to say, but he hadn't the first idea how. And it just wasn't the right time. Not yet. Sometimes he wondered if it ever would be.

"No, DiNozzo. Get some rest. That's an order." He hung up.

Then he went back to worrying about the third horrible thing his gut kept telling him was about to happen.


	21. Chapter 21 Defenseless - Part I

**Filler and episode tag for "Missing." Part 1.**

**Part 2 should be up in a day or two. **

"**Defenseless – Part I"**

"I'll get it for you."

"Yeah? How?"

"Let me shadow him for a couple of days. If he's got a screw loose, I'll know it. It might lead us to Atlas." Tony was almost desperate. He knew he was on very thin ice with Gibbs and it was getting thinner by the day. His recent screw-up with Voss was still an open wound and, though both he and his coworkers had meticulously avoided referring to the incident since that night, he knew no one had forgotten about it.

Now, he and Kate had worked all night trying to find a lead on Sergeant Atlas but had been able to obtain nothing of value. Gibbs had just verbalized his disappointment, though he'd been making it known already loud and clear over the course of the past twenty-four hours. Tony had been screamed at multiple times, made to puke (again) by Gibbs' reckless driving, had his drink snatched right out of his hand and thrown out the window, and even been threatened with shooting.

But now he saw an opportunity. If he could get something substantial on Sacco, their prime suspect in Atlas' disappearance, it could turn everything around and put him back in the boss' good graces. And if he could find Atlas, well, that might even be good enough to wipe out the unpleasant memory of the mess he'd made of his last assignment. Maybe it shouldn't mean this much to him, but recently he'd felt an irrational need for affirmation. His old fear of becoming unnecessary and irrelevant to the team had reared its ugly head again on the last case, aggravated by Agent McGee's increased presence recently . A presence that had, ironically, been his own idea to begin with.

He and Kate had suggested simply bringing in Major Sacco for questioning, but for some reason Gibbs had shot that one down. So, Tony suggested trailing the man. It would serve two purposes: hopefully giving them something to go on in locating Atlas, and getting him out of Gibbs' hair for a while. Because otherwise, Gibbs was either going to fire him or make good on his threat to shoot him.

Gibbs considered Agent DiNozzo's request for a moment as several different lines of thought converged in his mind. First, that their Marine was quickly running out of time and they still had no idea as to his whereabouts. Second, that he didn't like the idea of sending one of his agents to tail a potentially crazed serial killer without backup. Third, that the last time he'd turned down a request like this from Tony, the younger man had defied him and almost ended up getting himself killed. He didn't think his agent would be so foolish a second time, yet, he'd also noted an increased amount of insecurity coming from the other man, particularly since that last incident. Maybe a show of confidence from Gibbs would quell those doubts. Finally, some separation between himself and Tony would not be such a bad thing. The more anxious Gibbs had become over finding Sergeant Atlas, the more he'd noticed his tendency to take out his frustration on Tony. He didn't know what it was about DiNozzo, but sometimes it almost seemed he _invited _Gibbs' wrath intentionally.

"Alright."

His abrupt answer didn't seem to register right away with DiNozzo. "Listen, Boss, I'm telling you it beats sitting around here doing nothing. If I'm out there trying to find him…"

Kate interjected. "He said 'ok' Tony."

A look of disbelief passed briefly over the younger man's face, though he tried to pass it off as hearing loss due to the bomb blast they'd been close to yesterday. Gibbs could tell he was pleased, even excited. But he felt a brief twinge in his gut. Of course, his gut had been going nuts lately, so it was probably nothing. Still, he'd felt the need instruct Tony to call in every hour, adding, "You forget one time, call in late, don't bother coming back."

In a few hours those words would come back to haunt him in a way he'd never imagined.

* * *

Gibbs' conversation with Abby earlier had left him feeling even more unsettled than before. He knew he'd gotten defensive with her when she'd questioned the wisdom of sending Tony off to tail Sacco without backup. _"He can take care of himself."_

_Can he? If a Marine like Atlas couldn't protect himself from the threat that was out there, could Tony fare any better? _ Tony was an excellent agent, but not indestructible. And he was a trouble magnet.

It wasn't time for Tony's check-in yet, but Gibbs found himself calling him anyway, checking on Tony's progress. Sacco was pulling into the same bar Atlas had disappeared from.

_This might be exactly the break we need. _

Even so, he couldn't help reminding Tony to watch his six.

* * *

_This is it. Sacco's leaving and I'll just bet he's about to lead me straight to Atlas. _Tony had to scramble to keep the other man from making him, but he was pretty certain he'd succeeded. He rushed out to the alley to catch up with Sacco while calling Gibbs. He felt the familiar rush of adrenaline. _I've got you now._

"Sacco just left the bar…" Suddenly Tony was dizzy and weak. A horrible realization came over him. Bron. He'd had a few glasses of ginger ale at the bar without even thinking. And the first thought that popped into his head was that he'd just blown it again. He'd let Sacco get the better of him. _Gibbs is gonna be so pissed at me._

"I think I screwed up Boss…"

* * *

"Tony! DiNozzo! Are you there? Can you hear me?" Gibbs knew it was useless. He'd heard Tony, and his phone, hit the ground. He knew with a reasonable degree of certainty what had just happened to his agent. Still, he'd continued calling out the younger man's name hoping for…something. A miracle?

"Gibbs? What's wrong?" Kate was standing in front of him looking as frightened as he'd ever seen her. She had heard him telling Tony "We're coming for you," and knew immediately that it must be bad.

"Hammersmith Country Bar. He's got Tony."

One thought made its way to the forefront of his mind.

_The third thing._

* * *

Gibbs was driving as fast as he could get away with. Kate was sitting stoically in the passenger seat. Neither of them spoke.

_This is my fault. I never should have let him go alone. I knew it was a bad idea. Even Abby knew it was a bad idea. _

He imagined of all sorts of scenarios, every one of them horrible. Tony could already be dead.

_No, that's not acceptable. He doesn't have my permission to die. _

_I can't live with that. _

Ok, so Tony wasn't dead. He refused to even entertain the possibility, so that meant it wasn't so. And he wouldn't let anyone else consider the possibility either. They were operating on the assumption that Tony was still alive and they just needed to find him.

_He must've been so scared. _Gibbs could hear the fear in the other man's voice. _"I think I screwed up, Boss…" _

_Why would he say that? Of all things. Why not, "I'm in trouble, Boss" or "Help me, Boss."? The first thing he could think of to say to me was that he screwed up? He thinks I'm going to be angry with him? I'm the idiot that sent him out there._

_This one's on me, Tony. I'll make sure you know that. As soon as I find you. _

* * *

It was 2am, but the MCRT was still bustling with activity. McGee and Abby had been working nonstop trying to find something, anything, to help locate their missing colleague. They'd been sharing an uneasy silence, neither knowing what to say, though finding some measure of comfort in each others' presence.

Kate had wandered into Abby's lab. "You guys find anything?"

"No," Abby responded dejectedly. "You?"

"No," Kate sighed. "And I'm worried about Gibbs. He's barely spoken since we got back from the bar."

"That's Gibbs. The more worried he gets, the less he speaks. Except to get angry."

"I think he's blaming himself."

"Maybe he should." It wasn't like Abby to be unsupportive of Gibbs, but she couldn't help remembering her own warnings to him earlier which he'd dismissed. And he'd been pretty horrible to Tony lately. Abby wasn't feeling full of sympathy at the present moment.

"Tony volunteered to follow Sacco. Gibbs just agreed to it. Don't you think you're being a little hard on Gibbs?"

"If Tony volunteered, it was because he tries a little too hard to impress Gibbs. Gibbs is the one in charge. He should've known better. He should've protected Tony."

* * *

_I should've protected him. That was my first priority. You don't send one of your agents into a dangerous situation without backup. _Gibbs was sitting in the darkened bullpen. He supposed Kate had found some place to go for a while to get away from him. He couldn't blame her.

He was staring at Tony's desk. _It's so quiet when he's not here. _He'd give anything to hear Tony babbling about something right about now. A movie. His last date. Rush hour. _"Shut up and sit there before I shoot you out."_ Another thoughtless comment he couldn't take back.

He'd made so many of them recently. Starting with letting Tony think he'd wanted them to stay out of each other's personal business. Things had just gone downhill from there. He had let it spiral out of control while he'd concentrated on chasing down a multitude of other things: their terrorist, Pacci's killer, Atlas, Sacco. He'd allowed things to stay broken, thinking he'd have plenty of time later. But there was always some new crisis.

_And now Tony's the crisis. And I may never get another chance._

* * *

The smell was the first thing Tony noticed. Then the headache. Finally, he sensed the presence of another person and slowly opened his eyes.

Well, he'd found Atlas at least. "Welcome to Hell."

He sat up very gingerly. "Gunnery Sergeant Atlas?"

"How do you know who I am?"

Tony was still trying to get his bearings. They must be in the sewer system somewhere, judging by the smell. And he had a five-o-clock shadow, so he'd been out for a while. "NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. We've been looking for you."

"I don't guess this is how you meant to find me, Agent DiNozzo."

"It wasn't part of the plan, no. But don't worry. My boss is looking for us. Nobody crosses Leroy Jethro Gibbs and gets away with it."

It was true, right? _Gibbs has to be looking for me. Or at least he's still looking for Atlas. And I'm with Atlas. So that means eventually he'll find us both. _

Still there was uncertainty in the back of his mind. It was made worse when he spotted the human remains they were sharing their space with. _One of our other Marines who went missing. _He wondered if anyone even missed that person anymore. _This has been going on for eight years._

He'd been a detective. He'd worked missing persons cases plenty of times before. If they don't get solved quickly, something else comes up to take precedence. The case becomes a cold case. He'd spouted off the statistics to Gibbs just a couple of days ago. After four days the chances of finding a missing person alive are very low.

He suddenly had this vision of Agent McGee sitting at his desk. Kate teasing him. Gibbs coming up behind him and slapping the back of his head. _Would they even miss me in a year? If they didn't miss me, who would? _

He was almost seized with panic. _I can't sit here and wait. I've got to find a way to get us out of here._

* * *

The first thing he had noticed about Tony had been his eyes.

When Tony had finally gotten the upper hand on "Vanessa" and he and Kate had shone their flashlights on them to get a better view, he'd immediately been drawn to Tony's eyes. He'd never seen them so wide with fear before. He was used to a confident Tony, or a determined Tony. They'd been through some stressful things lately. There was a hostage situation in Columbia where Tony and Kate had to take down their suspect. Then the hostage situation at NCIS. Tony had been nervous in both situations. But he'd never seen this particular expression before.

They kept their weapons trained on Vanessa long enough for Kate to draw her away from Tony, cuff her, and read her her rights. Other law enforcement personnel were now entering the sewer and the paramedics were on their way. Unfortunately, too late for Major Sacco. Gibbs checked him for a pulse, but he knew already that it was an exercise in futility.

Tony hadn't moved from where he was standing in front of Sergeant Atlas. Gibbs looked him over carefully. Physically, he was dirty and a little scratched up, but seemed relatively unharmed. Gibbs then turned his attention to Atlas. "You okay, Gunny?"

"I think so. But really weak and I don't think I can walk."

"That's ok. Paramedics are on their way. They'll take care of you. Anyone we can call for you in the meantime?"

"Uh…" He thought about Carol Powers but was afraid her husband might find out.

"Carol Powers?"

"You know?"

"She was a suspect, actually. But she was genuinely worried about you. I'll let her know."

"Thanks. Are you Gibbs? Your agent here spoke very highly of you." Tony was still standing there and Gibbs noted he was looking sort of dazed. "He's a brave young man. You should be very proud."

Gibbs didn't have time to respond as the paramedics finally arrived and there was a flurry of activity around Atlas and Major Sacco.

"Tony? You need to have them take a look at you, too."

"No, I'm fine. Please, Boss." DiNozzo seemed to have developed an aversion to the emergency room recently.

"Just let them look you over…."

"I'm _fine. _I'll see Ducky."

Gibbs sighed. He did seem ok. Physically. But something was off. Way off.

"First place you go when we get back is to see Ducky. Before you even take a shower. You got it?"

"Agreed." The relief on the younger man's face was clearly visible.

* * *

Agent McGee was so relieved to see Tony standing in front of him that Gibbs' attempt at a joke had passed right over his head. Unfortunately, the expression Gibbs caught on DiNozzo's face indicated that he didn't quite take the joke as intended either.

"Tony! You're ok!" Then McGee realized he was sitting at Tony's desk and started his usual nervous stammering. "Uh…oh gosh I'm in your chair…I'm so sorry….I'll just, uh….get out of your way here. Give me just a second."

Tony stared at McGee for a moment. "No that's ok, McGee. You can stay there. I'm just….gonna take a shower." Tony went over to his cabinet and opened the drawer where he kept a change of clothes.

"DiNozzo? Forgetting something?" Gibbs was watching Tony carefully. All kinds of alarms were going off in his head.

"Boss?"

"Ducky? You see Ducky first before the shower. Remember? We talked about this."

Tony was frowning at him as if he was trying to remember. While it wouldn't be unlike Tony to feign ignorance to get out of seeing the ME, Gibbs was convinced he truly didn't remember their earlier conversation. "Ducky. Right, Boss." Tony wandered over in the direction of the elevator with three sets of eyes following him.

McGee had stood up to leave, but now asked, "Is he ok?"

Gibbs was still staring after Tony, so Kate interceded. "We'll keep an eye on him, McGee. You can go. Thanks for all of your help."

Gibbs picked up the phone to call Ducky.

"Jethro? Are you back with Anthony?"

"On his way down to see you. Something's wrong."

"Is he injured?"

"No. I don't think so. But he's acting funny."

"I'm afraid I need a bit more to go on than that. What has he done specifically?"

Gibbs wasn't even certain how to describe it. "He's quiet. Didn't want to let the paramedic look at him. Didn't even remember he agreed to go see you as soon as we got back to the office. And in the elevator he…" Did he want to tell Ducky about Tony's strange behavior in the elevator? Would it embarrass the younger man?

"Go on, Jethro. I need to know everything. What occurred in the elevator?"

"He practically begged me to admit I was worried about him. And it was in front of Kate. I tried to make a joke out of it, thinking maybe he was kidding. You know how he is. But I think he was serious. He said something strange when we first found him, too. He asked me what I was doing there. Why would he wonder what I was doing there? Could it be the drug?"

"It's possible some of the drug is still in his system. And he's been through quite an ordeal. It's likely nothing to worry about, but I will observe him closely, I assure you."

"Thanks, Duck." When Gibbs hung up the phone, he realized Kate had been listening to his entire conversation.

"You're really worried about him." It was a statement, not a question.

"It'll be fine Agent Todd. Go home, get some sleep. You've pulled two all-nighters. I'll take care of it."

She started to say something else but thought better of it. What could she do? Gibbs knew Tony much better than she did.

But she had to admit that she'd never have realized how relieved she would be to have her partner back.

Gibbs was probably right. Tony would be back to going through her purse and listening in on her phone calls in no time.

* * *

Tony had never been so happy to see a shower in his life. He thought his visit with Ducky would never end.

The physical examination hadn't taken all that long. Tony just had some scrapes and bruises, nothing serious. But he'd felt very uncomfortable under the ME's intense gaze. Ducky kept asking him question after question. All he wanted to do was take a shower to wash away the stench of the sewer.

Finally, he felt the water wash over him. He started scrubbing furiously, the smell of the sewer and the decayed human remains assaulting his senses.

If only he could wash away the memory, too.

* * *

"Anthony's in the showers. Poor young man could hardly wait to get there. "

"And? What did you think?"

"I think the memory problem is likely a combination of exhaustion and some after-effects of the drug."

"Was he acting strange to you?"

"Somewhat unusual for Anthony, but I would be surprised if he'd been his usual self after the ordeal he's been through in the last twenty-four hours. I think you'd agree that much of the version of Anthony we see on a daily basis is a rather well-rehearsed façade. I believe his behavior is simply a weakening of his usual defenses due to exhaustion and stress. Perhaps he is simply being more open about what he is feeling than he would be comfortable with under normal circumstances. However, I would like to make the suggestion that he not be sent home by himself just yet. It would be advisable to have someone nearby until we are certain the effects of the drug have worn off. And I don't feel he's in any condition to drive. "

"I'll bring him home with me. Not sure he's gonna like it though."

"Jethro, if I might make one more suggestion."

"I need all the help I can get."

"Yes, well, I was simply thinking that this could be an opportunity for you to clear the air with Anthony, should there be anything you've been meaning to discuss with him. But I strongly advise you to leave your temper at the door. He is rather vulnerable at the moment."

"Yeah, I noticed, Duck. Believe me, I noticed."

* * *

Tony had been in the shower for an unusually long time, and Gibbs was beginning to worry. He'd put off going in after him as long as he could, but he was too concerned to put it off any longer.

He walked into the locker room and called out. "Tony? You okay?"

_Have I been in here that long? _Tony was suddenly jolted back to reality. "Boss? Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Didn't mean to stay in here so long. Sorry."

"It's ok, Tony. Take your time. Need to see you before you leave though."

Tony flashed back to his last conversation with Gibbs. _"I think I screwed up, Boss."_

* * *

Tony had changed into a pair of jeans and an Ohio State t-shirt. His hair was still wet and spiky. The bruise on his arm was now a nasty shade of purple and he had a couple of visible scrapes. But the dirt was gone and he'd finally washed away the stench. It was a smell he was certain he would never forget.

"Boss? Look, I know I screwed up. I should never have ordered anything to drink at the bar. It was a stupid thing to do and…"

"You think you're in trouble?" Gibbs was startled by the sight of Tony. In his casual clothes, with his hair wet and the new haircut he'd been sporting the last few days, it struck the older man just how young his agent looked. It didn't help that he was still wearing the shell-shocked, wide-eyed expression he'd had since they'd found him.

"Am I?"

"No, Tony. Not at all. I wanted to tell you that Ducky suggested that you have someone with you tonight. Just in case. There's still some of that drug in your system. You can sleep in my guest room."

Gibbs didn't miss the fact that Tony looked fearful at the thought of coming home with him. "Is that necessary? I feel fine."

_I doubt that. _"Yeah, Tony, I think it is. Just for tonight. You feel better tomorrow, you can go back home." Sensing Tony's hesitation he added, "Not a big deal, Tony. You've stayed with me before."

It seemed like ages ago that he'd stayed with Gibbs and even felt comfortable there. He could scarcely believe how much things had changed in the past few months. There was no point in arguing with Gibbs. He didn't think he was up for it right now anyway. _I'll just sleep there for a few hours, convince him I'm really fine, and then I'll go home. _

"Sure, Boss."

Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief. Then he realized it had been too easy.

_He's not fine. Far from it. _

**To be continued….**


	22. Chapter 22 - Defenseless - Part II

**Tag for "Missing" Part II**

**Defenseless – Part II**

_I have to convince Gibbs I'm fine. Which means I have to talk._

"Did you know that Kate's boyfriend's name is Dwayne, Boss? I mean, what kind of name is Dwayne for a surgeon?" They were in the car on the way to Gibbs' house. Tony wanted nothing more than to sleep and escape from this day, but Gibbs kept watching him. And the last thing he needed was to stay in his boss' presence, in his _house, _any longer than necessary. Tony knew he was off-kilter and there was no telling what he might do or say if given enough time. So he had to figure out what he would normally be doing right now in this situation. He just wished the thoughts in his head weren't so jumbled and so confusing.

Gibbs glanced over at his agent. Tony was making quite a show of trying to be normal. He'd come up with the most random topics of conversation since they'd left the office. Something about whether or not checkered shirts were out of fashion and puka shell necklaces. Mentioning Kate's boyfriend was actually the closest to a "normal" DiNozzo conversation topic that he'd heard all evening. Still, it was clearly an act. "Sounds like a perfectly normal name to me, DiNozzo. Guess what matters is what Kate thinks about it."

"Yeah, I guess. Did Abby say anything about her party the other night?"

"Abby's had other things on her mind today." He gave Tony a meaningful look.

"Oh," was all the younger man could manage in response. Gibbs noticed he'd turned his head away to hide his expression.

They finally pulled into Gibbs' driveway. As they were walking through the front door, Gibbs heard the unmistakable sound of someone's stomach growling. And he knew it wasn't his own. _Tony hasn't eaten in hours. I can't believe I didn't think of that. He has to be starving._

"Hungry?"

"No," Tony said quickly. It was sort of true. He could feel the emptiness in his stomach, but the thought of food made him feel slightly nauseous. What he really wanted was to crawl into bed and maybe not get up for a few ….years.

"You need to eat something, Tony. You feel sick? I might have some ginger ale to settle your stomach."

"No…No Ginger Ale!" Tony said, with a slight edge of panic.

_Ginger ale. That was what he was drinking at the bar when that waitress drugged him. Well that was a stupid question to ask him. _"Ok, no ginger ale then," Gibbs responded as calmly as possible. "Soup?"

Gibbs wasn't going to let up until he ate something. _Hurry up and get it over with. _"Uh, yeah, ok. Soup's fine." He plastered on a fake smile and added a quick, "Thanks."

* * *

Tony had barely been able to keep down the soup, but he'd forced himself to eat it. If he didn't, Gibbs would just make him eat something else, and he didn't think he could stomach much else at the moment. His boss was sitting across the room, pretending to be looking at the newspaper, but was doing a surprising awful job at concealing the concerned glances he kept throwing in Tony's direction.

When he'd finally finished, Tony proclaimed that, if the other man didn't mind, he was going to turn in early. The sooner he could get away from Gibbs' prying eyes, the better.

Gibbs really wanted to talk to Tony, but he could tell his guest was exhausted and trying very, very hard to get away from him. Deciding that the other man could probably use both some sleep and some space, he decided to try talking to him in the morning. He wasn't likely to make any progress in Tony's current condition, anyway.

Reluctantly, the older man nodded. "Good idea, DiNozzo. Get some rest. Been a long day."

_For both of us._

His host knew he should be getting some sleep as well. He also knew it was pointless to try. Instead, he headed down to the basement. There were a lot of things he needed to work out before tomorrow.

_You are not leaving this house until we talk, Tony._

* * *

For as much as his body had been screaming at him for sleep, Tony found that now that he was in bed he was wide awake. He could swear the sewer smell was back, even though he'd scrubbed his skin raw in the shower.

There were so many things going through his head. The skeleton. He'd seen probably hundreds of human remains before. Why did this one bother him so much? He kept seeing it mingled in with memories of the face of Sergeant Atlas, swollen and covered in bee stings. He'd been in there a week. And that other unfortunate soul had probably lasted several weeks. Tony had been there only a day and yet was starting to wonder if he was going crazy.

He wondered about Atlas. Was he going to be okay? Did he have any family to worry about him? Wonder where he'd been? Visit him in the hospital? Had Carol Powers even been to visit him? Or had she been too concerned about her husband. _Maybe I should visit. Or maybe he never wants to see me again. Wouldn't blame him for wanting to forget. _

_I wonder if anyone called my father? Or tried to call my father. Chances are, they wouldn't be able to find him. How long would it have taken for him to check his voice mail and realize I was missing? Would he have actually come here, to D.C.? Or just requested regular updates, like I was another one of his business deals. _

His thoughts wandered to Paula. _She wouldn't have cared. Or at least not more than she cared about what happened to Pacci. _

_Michelle? _Now the sewer smell was mixed with the smell of the dog poop she'd put in his closet_. Sorry to spoil your celebration by being alive after all, sweetheart._

_Wendy? Best not to go there._

_What if it had taken Gibbs longer to find us? Would he have given up eventually? Or at least put me on the backburner? _

The bed felt confining all of a sudden. _I could get up and walk out of here and call a cab to take me home. _It was incredibly tempting. But the part that came later may not be worth the temporary relief.

_No, I can't do that. He'd kill me for sure. _

* * *

Gibbs had been in the basement for a couple of hours, but he hadn't gotten much actual work done. Truthfully, he'd been sanding for the entire two hours. Sanding helped to calm his nerves. That and bourbon, but he'd tried to take it easy on the bourbon. _One slightly loopy person in this house is enough. _No, "loopy" wasn't quite the right word. Loopy was Tony on painkillers. This Tony was just….._what, _exactly? _Scared. _What he'd been through today was enough to scare anybody, but there was so much more to it than that, if he could just get past the surface. Gibbs was highly skilled at reading people, but in the past two years, DiNozzo had stretched those skills well beyond their limits.

He'd fought the urge several times to go upstairs and check in on Tony. _He's not five years old. He's a grown man. _Still, he couldn't get the younger man's face out of his head when he'd thought he was in trouble earlier. More little boy than federal agent, he'd thought. _Maybe it wouldn't hurt just to peek in on him. Make sure he's sleeping ok. _

_Remind myself that he's here and he's going to be fine._

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a noise upstairs.

He grabbed his weapon out of instinct and went up to the living room. It was Tony, sitting in the still-dark living room alone.

"Sorry, Boss. I hope I didn't wake you. I just got up to…." He couldn't think of an excuse fast enough. "It was dark and I sort of ran into the coffee table."

"Couldn't sleep?" Tony still sounded every bit as exhausted as he had a few hours ago and more, if that was even possible.

He was tired of keeping up the show. He was caught, anyway. So he just nodded, hoping the dark would hide his embarrassment.

Gibbs had an idea. "Yeah, me too. Come on."

Tony looked confused. "Where're we going?"

"Basement. That's where I go when I can't sleep."

"Oh, no, Boss. It's ok. I can just hang out here."

"Tony, come on. You don't have to talk. Maybe you can pick up boatbuilding while you're down there," Gibbs added with a slight smirk.

"I doubt that, Boss. Doesn't seem like something I'd be any good at."

"That's fine, too. You can just sit while I work. Whatever you want. No sense in you sitting up here in the dark by yourself."

Once again, Tony found himself very reluctantly giving in to the implied order in Gibbs' deceptively gentle invitation. But when they got to the basement, he stopped and sat down about halfway down the stairs. _I'll just sit here a few minutes to make him happy. And then suddenly become very sleepy. _

Gibbs decided it best not to push it. At least he'd finally persuaded him down there. And it was comforting to have Tony where he could see him.

Gibbs had always found sanding the boat to have a calming effect on him. He secretly hoped some of that would transfer to Tony so that maybe the younger man could get some much-needed sleep. It turned out that the steady motion and "white noise" effect _did_ begin to calm Tony's nerves.

But instead of putting him to sleep, it had a far more surprising effect.

* * *

Before Tony had realized it, an hour had passed and he hadn't moved from the spot on Gibbs' basement steps.

He'd been on edge at first, expecting Gibbs to be scrutinizing him again, looking for something from him. Expecting _somethin_g. _What is it he wants from me? _

Instead, the older man had gone over to his boat and started sanding. The steady sound and the movement were almost hypnotic, and the two men had been sitting in companionable silence for the entirety of the hour Tony had been there.

If Tony had been paying attention as closely as usual, he might have noticed that his boss had also been sanding the same strip of wood for the entire hour. Occasionally, he'd glance over at Tony briefly, but not with the same level of intense scrutiny the younger man had been so uncomfortable with earlier.

Every time Gibbs looked over, his agent was still as wide awake as he'd been at the beginning of their excursion to the basement. However, there had been a noticeable relaxing of his posture, even his facial expression.

As much as Tony had avoided his boss' basement for fear of causing some unwanted invasion of Gibbs' fiercely guarded personal privacy, he had to admit now that the place had a certain charm. In fact, the longer he sat here the more at ease he felt. The tension was beginning to drain out of his body and there was an indescribable warmth there that resembled a feeling of safety.

Even Gibbs seemed different in this environment. Some of the harsh lines ever present on the man's face were slightly smoothed out into an expression that could almost be considered pleasant. Approachable, even. Tony had completely forgotten his earlier plan to feign drowsiness and sneak back up to the guest room, away from Gibbs' hovering.

If he could just sit here a while longer, maybe he'd really be okay.

* * *

With Tony not indicating that sleep would be imminent anytime soon, logic was telling Gibbs that now would be an opportune time to talk to the younger man. Then again, it also hadn't escaped his notice that Tony had chosen a seat that could be considered almost halfway out the basement door, should he feel an urge to escape. Something had been telling him he'd needed to wait.

After an hour of complete silence, Tony suddenly blurted out a question. "You ever seen 'Home Alone,' Boss?"

To someone not used to Anthony DiNozzo, it might have seemed a random question along the same lines of the unorganized string of meaningless conversation topics he'd thrown out on the ride to Gibbs' house with great discomfort.

The question had unintentionally caused the older man a great deal of distress. The movie had been released around the time of Kelly's last Christmas, and she'd loved it. But Gibbs knew he couldn't afford an outward display of anguish, particularly not at this critical moment.

The question was far from meaningless, and most definitely not random. How many times had Tony done this during a case? Thrown out something….a movie reference, song, television show….made it seem like he was goofing off or lightening the mood….only to come up with some brilliant new lead or idea that helped them crack the case in the utterly roundabout way that was all DiNozzo.

Since they weren't in the middle of a case, this question had to be leading somewhere else. _To something important. _Gibbs carefully willed his expression to remain neutral, in spite of the spike of pain he'd felt at the uninvited memory of Kelly. Fortunately, Tony saved him from having to come up with an answer to the question.

"Never mind, Boss. Not your kind of movie, I know. But it's about this kid who gets accidentally left at home by his family when they go on vacation to Europe. Macauley Culkin, poor kid. Who'd have guessed he'd end up being so screwed up?" Tony started to drift momentarily and Gibbs wondered if that was really the kid the younger man was thinking about.

"Anyway, Kevin is the kid's name. And he's really excited at first cause he figures out he can pretty much do whatever he wants. Eat junk food, watch tv all day, anything. Come and go as he pleases. And he kind of foils some robbers, too, which is funny. But then he realizes his family may never come back and all that other stuff doesn't really matter so much anymore. And it's Christmas, too. So he wishes and prays to have his family back, even though they aren't always so nice to be around. And, then, of course, they come back. Cause it's kind of a kid's movie and they have to have happy endings."

Tony stopped talking for a while and Gibbs wasn't certain what to do. The older man was careful to make brief eye contact with Tony periodically, nodding occasionally, to let him know he was listening. But he had to be cautious about showing too intense an interest, lest he scare Tony into not continuing down whatever path this was leading. It was too important to stop now. So Gibbs continued sanding, trying to also give an encouraging look to the other man, all the while holding his breath. _C'mon, Tony. Don't stop now. Tell me what's really eating at you._

Just when Gibbs thought the moment may have been lost, Tony continued.

"You know my father left me in a hotel room in Maui for two days once. When I was twelve."

Gibbs had to will himself not drop everything at the revelation. _His poor father. Must've scared him to death when he realized it. _He knew Tony's father had been a somewhat absent parent, sending the boy off to boarding school after his wife had died. While he couldn't imagine ever having sent Kelly away like that, he realized how ill-equipped the man must have felt being suddenly thrust into the role of a single parent. Certainly, he'd believed he was doing the best thing for Tony, though he'd long suspected Tony did not see it that way. But to realize you'd accidentally left your defenseless child alone amongst strangers for days was a horror he wouldn't wish on anyone.

While the parent in him had focused on what had to be one of every parent's worst nightmares, he'd gotten slightly sidetracked from thinking of how a twelve-year-old Tony must have felt about the situation. But the rest of the story quickly refocused his thoughts.

"It was kind of like the movie, I guess. In a way. I mean I was _real _excited about having the run of the hotel. And room service! As much as I wanted on my dad's dime. No one there to tell me no." Tony had been smiling at the memory, but now it faded. "Then I kind of started wondering if Dad was ever coming back, you know."

Gibbs noted that the little boy version of Tony had returned during his telling of the story. _Kid must've been terrified. _

"I know it was irrational. But I kind of thought maybe the 'business deal' was another new stepmom or something. And maybe she didn't really like kids. I mean I know he promised he'd be back in a couple of days, but…."

At that, Gibbs' efforts to control his responses failed. He stopped his work on the boat mid-stroke and incredulously cut in. "He left you there _on purpose?" _

Tony looked up with a start, pulled out of his reminiscences at the harsh sound of his boss' voice. Gibbs suddenly looked pissed, and Tony was momentarily confused. Gibbs immediately regretted his tone when he noted the younger man's startled response and, with great effort softened his expression once again and made a halfhearted attempt at resuming his sanding, his eyes never leaving Tony's face.

"He came back. In a couple of days, just like he said." Tony was slightly defensive and Gibbs decided it best to make no further comment regarding Tony's father at this time. _Man better hope I never have the pleasure of meeting him._

Instead, Gibbs turned his attention back to his now-slightly-unnerved-again houseguest. He was beginning to make a connection between the day's events and the story Tony had felt the urge to share. And he didn't like it.

"That what you thought today, Tony? That maybe I wasn't really coming for you? Even though I said I was? Is that why you asked me what I was doing there when I found you in the sewers?"

Tony wanted to avert his eyes at the directness of the question, but something about Gibbs' especially gentle tone encouraged him to maintain the eye contact. "I knew you were looking, Boss. That's who you are."

"But?"

That question made his agent look down at his feet, just a hint of shame gracing his features. "But I know how it goes with missing persons. You run out of leads and then you get a new case. And you want to keep looking but you….can't. You don't have the resources."

"I would have _never _stopped looking for you. You were my number one priority until I found you. No matter what."

"But what if…"

"There are no 'buts,' Tony."

"If you'd found that terrorist." Tony was looking at him again, a raw desperation evident in his features to know the answer. _Would I have been more important still?_

"No matter what Tony. You were my first priority. I _said _you were irreplaceable."

"I didn't think that…."

Gibbs sighed. "You didn't think I meant that. Cause I made a stupid joke out of McGee sitting at your desk. _Tony…."_ He'd lost eye contact again and he needed to get it back.

Reluctantly, Tony looked back over at him. "I meant it. Irreplaceble. The joke was bad judgment. I was trying to get you back to normal, I guess. Should've known it was too soon. "

Tony studied him for a minute and then nodded slightly. Gibbs let out a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding. _He believes me. _

"I _did _mess up with the drink. It was dumb."

"What happened was not your fault, DiNozzo. I shouldn't have sent you without backup. _My _fault, Tony. I let you down."

Then Gibbs saw the familiar Tony DiNozzo smirk trying to reappear. "Don't let it happen again, Boss."

Gibbs attempted to fix his agent with a glare, but he was unable to completely hide the relief. _He's gonna be okay. _He turned back to his sanding. "Feeling sleepy, yet?"

An amazed Tony suddenly realized he _was, _finally, becoming very drowsy. "Yeah…."

It was the boss' turn to smirk. "Perfectly good bed waiting for you in the guest room. "

Gibbs resisted an urge to follow him when he saw Tony stand up and stretch. _What are you gonna do, tuck him in? _Gibbs once again reminded himself that his agent was a grown man. Tony started making his way up the basement steps but when he reached the top he stopped and turned around. "Why do I have a suspicious feeling you just tricked me?" Tony was wearing a slightly perplexed frown, his spiky hair now sticking out at odd angles after he'd just run his hand through it. He made a comical picture. _Now he looks like a kid who just rolled out of bed. _

This time Gibbs couldn't hold back a slight laugh, one that belied his guilt. "Night, Tony."

"Night, Boss," he mumbled sleepily in return.

* * *

"Boss, it's 1:00 in the afternoon. Why'd you let me sleep so late?"

Gibbs looked up at his newspaper. Tony was showered and dressed already, looking like he was ready to bolt out the door. "Well, DiNozzo, I guess I figured a guy who's been up for two days straight, kidnapped, and stuck in the sewer ought to be able to sleep in as late as he wanted just this once. Where do you think you're going? You don't have your car."

"Boss, I'm fine now. Really. I can call a cab back to the Navy Yard to pick up my car."

"No, I'll take you to get your car. Not necessary to call a cab. And what's the rush? You really need to eat something. Real food this time."

"Look I appreciate your help, Boss, I really do. But I've imposed on you enough. Just do….whatever it is you do on the weekends. I'm a big boy. The drug's out of my system. I feel good as new." He was definitely better, but there was still something about the younger man that was trying just a little too hard. _Probably remembers our conversation last night and now he's embarrassed that he said too much._

Gibbs hadn't gotten any sleep since their conversation, the new information Tony had shared shedding light on at least a few of the mysteries surrounding the man in front of him. The younger man's childhood had been worse than he'd thought before and it was likely that at least some of the multitude of insecurities that made up the man he knew had originated inside a boy who was, at best, neglected. He felt slightly guilty that he'd taken a bit of advantage of Tony's weakened emotional state the prior evening, but it had been worth it. Things were beginning to make sense, finally. But now he had no idea what to _do _with the new information.

And if Tony's current demeanor was an indication, his agent wasn't going to make things easy. _You're stubborn, DiNozzo. But I'm still more stubborn than you are._

"Make a deal with you, Tony. I take you back to your car, but we stop for lunch on the way."

"Pizza?" Tony asked hopefully.

_Ducky's right; his eating habits are awful. Gonna have to do something about that. But not today. _"Fine, pizza."

"Yesssss!" Tony was definitely feeling better.

Still he couldn't help feeling a bit uneasy. The lines between the personal and professional between himself and Gibbs were starting to blur again. And he'd been burned the last time.

And worst of all, he'd revealed far more than he'd ever intended.

_Best to avoid any more visits to Gibbs' basement._


	23. Chapter 23 - Grace

**Episode tag for "Split Decision."**

"**Grace"**

Tony leaned back into the door of his apartment, the slamming sound of a few seconds ago still ringing in his ears. There was no one around to witness this miniature temper-tantrum , unlike when he'd stalked out of the bullpen a few minutes earlier and nearly taken out Gibbs and his fresh cup of coffee in the process. He couldn't imagine what the older man must've thought when he'd failed to stop or even to react on his way to the elevator. Ironically, he realized right at the moment that he didn't even care.

They'd closed another case today. In spite of several bizarre occurrences and a generous helping of bad luck of late, the MCRT had maintained their high case closure rate. But the recent cases, in spite of their closed status, had left him with an unsatisfied feeling. _When did it become so difficult to differentiate between the good guys and the bad guys?_ A terrorist who was walking around free because an NCIS agent, his partner, had thought she'd seen something good in him. A beautiful woman who was actually a man, and a sadistic, murderous one at that. A cute waitress, once an innocent victim herself, who'd become the very monster she'd hated for eight years.

Now, a federal agent, not unlike himself, who'd decided to cross over to the other side, guilty of arms trafficking and murder. Was there no one trustworthy?

He wearily opened his eyes and wandered into the kitchen, beginning to search through cabinet after cabinet. _I know I have a bottle of Scotch around here somewhere. Courtesy of Dad. Maybe he got one gift right after all. Ahh, there it is._

Armed with a glass and the bottle, he shuffled over to the living room, slid off his shoes with minimal effort, and practically fell into the comforting embrace of his sofa. The alcohol burned his throat, but it wasn't an altogether unpleasant feeling. He needed this tonight.

Other than an occasional beer here and there or a friendly social drink, Tony mostly tried to avoid alcohol. Maybe he'd seen too much – too many lives destroyed as a result of the temporary but deceptive comfort found in the bottom of that bottle. His father, though he wouldn't classify him as an alcoholic exactly, had certainly been an obnoxious drunk, and Tony had some rather unpleasant memories associated with the man when the smell of alcohol had been on his breath.

Maybe he'd also scared himself, having a caught a few glimpses of what he could become if he allowed the brief respite contained in that bottle to consume him. There had been a few incidents in college he didn't particularly care to remember, and a few more after he'd joined NCIS that he knew Gibbs would never allow him to forget. He wondered what his boss would think of him if he knew what he was doing right now. _And why does it have to mean so much to me, what Gibbs thinks?_

He practically hated himself for the letting the other man get so close, for sharing that story with him, that _ridiculous_ story from his childhood that he was certain he should have gotten over long ago. And for allowing that memory to still bother him so much, make him feel so worthless and unimportant. And for feeling so insanely jealous of Agent McGee, for sitting at Gibbs' desk and getting the pat on the head and the "good job" from the other man that he'd been practically killing himself for. In fact, he thought bitterly, he had quite literally almost gotten himself killed for it recently. And all McGee had to do was work some computer magic. Agent McGee didn't have to get himself kidnapped to finally get some show of humanity from the boss.

And then there was Kate, who could believe that a terrorist she'd seen shoot a colleague before her very eyes had good in him, but couldn't believe _he'd_ possibly seen something similar in Melinda Stone. Or that he was even emotionally mature or complex enough to be looking for it to begin with. Which was probably his own fault. That _was _the guy he wanted everyone to believe he was, wasn't it? _But couldn't someone take the time to look a little deeper once in a while? _

Tony considered Melinda Stone for a few moments. He was certain she hadn't become an ATF agent with the purpose of becoming involved in illegal arms deals and murder. So what had gone wrong? It was so easy to become callous and cynical in this job, seeing so much of injustice and tragedy. And if you didn't have a support system around you….well, it wasn't so difficult to conceive of a person becoming even worse than merely cynical. Bitter. Self-serving. _Like what happened to Danny Price?_ He'd told Kate earlier that she was being too judgmental, yet he hadn't spared so much as a phone call to the man he'd once trusted with his life and considered one of his best friends. Not since he'd left Baltimore in disgust and disillusionment.

But maybe the thing that was bothering him the most was how easy it was for him to slip into covers like the one of sleazebag Gus Bricker. He'd argued the point himself and Gibbs had agreed. He fit the sleazy persona to a tee. He recalled a saying one of his many former nannies had been particularly fond of.

_There but for the grace of God go I._

* * *

Though Gibbs had made it appear as if he'd been unfazed by his agent's….and sometimes houseguest's….abrupt departure, he had not only carefully noted the younger man's distress, but he was also fully aware of the conversation which had led to it. The Lead Agent made it a point to know the vast majority of what went on amongst his subordinates. And he was none too happy about it.

Fighting an irrational impulse to chase after the younger man, he instead walked over to his desk and pretended to be studying the object of his interest for the past several weeks: the picture of their unidentified terrorist. Unlike so many previous evenings, however, he couldn't quite focus.

He knew Tony had been upset when he'd learned of the ATF's suspicions regarding Melinda Stone. He'd sort of liked the young woman himself.

His thoughts drifted to Tony's brief stint undercover as Gus Bricker. The younger man's undercover skills were one of his most valuable attributes, but his level of skill in seamlessly becoming a different person bothered his boss. There had been performances he could have won an Oscar for. There had been similar performances, he now knew, when Tony hadn't been undercover at all, making it highly difficult to discern what was real and what was all a part of the act.

_What have I gotten myself into? _Maybe when he'd begun to reach out to Tony in a more personal way, he'd simply believed the other man was lonely, having left his friends in other cities to move here for an opportunity with NCIS and not being particularly close to his family. Now he realized the younger man's issues ran much deeper than he'd originally believed and he felt unqualified to be the person trying to break through walls that had been years in the making. But he also realized it was too late. He didn't even _want _to back out now. He'd already let himself become attached, much to his own amazement. Tony would probably be very amused by that revelation if he knew.

_Or, he'd run and I'd never see him again._ Gibbs realized more than ever the tightrope he was now walking with DiNozzo. Too far in one direction, that of his customary gruffness and coldness, and Tony would be convinced he really didn't care. He was practically convinced of that anyway. But too much concern too soon and he'd drive the younger man away in fear, driven by his well-developed sense of self-preservation, the one that told him other people simply couldn't be trusted.

Therefore, he knew he couldn't actually go after Tony tonight, as much as he might want to. Aside from the personal reasons, there were also the professional ramifications to consider. The other man was a federal agent, and over thirty years of age to boot. In most situations, Tony was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. _Mostly. _And the last thing either of them would want would be to give off the impression that Tony was somehow weak and in need of coddling by his boss, particularly in front of his partner.

Besides that, he knew from their conversation the previous weekend that the younger man would simply push him away.

_**Last Saturday…**_

If there had been any lingering doubts in Gibbs' mind that his charge was feeling better today, they were squelched when he saw the other man gulp down most of a pepperoni, sausage, and cheese pizza. Gibbs was only slightly smirking on the outside, but on the inside he was _delighted_ to see his lunch companion finally taking absolute pleasure in something again.

Tony had been making slight small talk with him, avoiding any mention of the previous evening, but with a much higher degree of comfort and ease of conversation than on their ride to Gibbs' house the day before. The older man was letting Tony take the lead, happy to see the frightened, wide-eyed expression mostly gone from his agent's face at last.

Towards the end of their meal, Tony's expression changed slightly and he nervously cleared his throat before somewhat awkwardly, and in an almost whisper, making a request. "Listen, Boss, thanks for taking me in last night. I guess I had more of that drug in my system than I thought. You know, it's kind of fuzzy, but I think I might've said some crazy stuff last night and I just….well if I were you I probably wouldn't really trust too much of anything I said cause I was pretty out of it. Can we just forget about it?" Tony was looking at him earnestly, eyes practically pleading for Gibbs to agree.

But the other man wasn't buying any of it. _You know exactly what you said last night, Tony, and every word of it was true. Now you're just backtracking cause you think you said too much. _Realizing their conversation of the previous evening was very likely the most honest the younger man had ever been with him, Gibbs simply answered, "Nope."

Seeing how wide with shock Tony's eyes became with his response, he decided to amend what he'd said slightly. "But I will agree to keep it to myself. And if you decide you never want to bring it up again, I'm ok with that." Tony relaxed slightly at that, now an expression of resignation replacing the one of shock.

But Gibbs felt compelled to add just one more thing.

"If you ever _do_ want to talk about it again, though….my basement will still be there."

_**Present time…**_

Gibbs knew he wasn't likely to see Tony in his basement tonight, or likely anytime in the near future. But one day. One day he would. Of that he was now absolutely certain.

In the meantime, there was one thing he _could _do for Tony tonight.

"Agent Todd, what was it again that DiNozzo was so…_conflicted…_about earlier?"

Kate had been just preparing to leave, hoping she'd gotten away without the boss knowing the details of her conversation with Tony. _How does he always know?_

"I think he was just attracted to Melinda Stone and a little disappointed at finding out she was a killer." For a moment she thought she'd still gotten away with it. But then…

"Kate, how many times has Tony brought up Suzanne McNeil to you since that night?"

_Jane Doe. That night the woman she'd known nothing about but had still trusted more than she reasonably should have had blown up herself and her lover, and nearly Kate, Gibbs, and Tony as well. _Kate swallowed before answering reluctantly, "None."

"None? Hmmmm…interesting. What about that friend of yours from the Secret Service you trusted right after you started working here. The one who went running straight to the FBI. How many times has Tony mentioned that?"

Seeing where he was going with this, she answered with a mixture of resignation and guilt, "None." _And thankfully, he also hasn't told Gibbs about me letting that terrorist get away, or I'd have heard from Gibbs about it by now. _

"None, again? And how many times have you brought up Commander Voss?"

"Two. Or maybe three," she sighed.

"So let me get this straight. Tony doesn't throw your screw-ups in your face, but you think it's okay to do so with his. That about sum it up, Agent Todd?"

Silence. _She gets it. Finally._

"You wanna get back at him for going through your purse, I don't care. Just play on a level playing field. Got it?"

"Won't happen again."

"Good."

At least that was one less thing he had to worry about. _Hopefully._

Now he could go back to focusing on identifying that smug, good-for-nothing scumbag's face. _And wipe that smile off of it. _


	24. Chapter 24 - Mars and Venus

**Filler for "A Weak Link." Another little break from the Tony/Gibbs angst of the last several chapters. **

"**Mars and Venus"**

Timothy McGee eagerly watched the Nutter Butter in the vending machine inch ever so slowly towards the edge…and then stop just before being taken by gravity to be accessed by his waiting hands. _That figures. Just out of my reach, like a lot of other things. _

Any other day, McGee would have carefully followed the instructions plastered to the side of the offending machine, calling the company to patiently report the issue and wait until he was issued a refund. Today, he was not in such a patient mood.

With a sly glance in either direction, making absolutely sure no witnesses were present, young McGee shook the piece of equipment with all his might, but the precious prize inside refused to budge. He then issued a swift but fierce kick of frustration.

"Agent _McGee! _Naughty, naughty! You seem a bit McFrustrated." Apparently the probie agent's powers of observation were not as finely honed as he'd hoped, since Agent DiNozzo stood in the doorway of the NCIS employee break room, having seen the entire meltdown.

_Not DiNozzo. He's the last person I want to deal with today. Ok, maybe second-to-last._

However, much to the younger man's surprise, Tony walked over to the machine without a word, deposited several coins into the slot, pushed a few buttons, and _voila. _Out came the object of his desire.

_He's gonna rub my nose in it and eat my Nutter Butter right in front of me._

Instead, with a knowing smile, Tony retrieved it from the vending machine and handed it over to McGee, who now eyed the item with suspicion.

"What's the catch?"

"No catch. Just heard you were having a bad day." Actually, Tony had heard the probie was having a bad week, one that had A-B-B-Y written all over it. His jealousy of last week had faded upon hearing the news of the other man's recent disappointment in love. McGee was his comrade and young protégé once again.

Begrudgingly accepting the peace offering, and with a downcast expression, McGee inquired, "What did Abby say?"

"Uh," Tony stammered, "well, it wasn't exactly Abby who I heard it from."

Tim's eyes went wide. "How many people know?"

"As far as I know, buddy, just you, me, Abby and Kate. And probably Gibbs, cause he pretty much knows everything."

The other man groaned. Tony reached up and patted him on both shoulders simultaneously. "You know how women are. They can't keep secrets, especially about us. Always have to go tell somebody all about everything. Nothing to be ashamed of, McGee."

"She dumped me."

"Aww, Probie. It's not as bad as all that." McGee wondered why Tony often spoke to him in a tone that he thought would normally be reserved for a small child. "C'mon, let's just sit over here, you eat your Nutter Butter, and you let me teach you a few things about women."

_This ought to be good. _McGee wasn't quite sure why, but he followed the older man over to one of the break room tables and sat down.

"Now, tell Doctor DiNozzo exactly what happened."

Tim had to suppress an eye roll. He may as well tell him. At least if he told his own story, Tony would have an accurate account of what happened instead of whatever he'd heard from Abby via Kate. "Abby and I went to this coffee shop for a poetry reading…."

"_Poetry?"_

"Y-Yes. Why what's wrong with poetry?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Sorry, go ahead." Tony was holding back a roar of laughter. The kid was naïve. Sweet, but naïve.

"Well, we were having a nice time but then towards the end of the evening….I sort of told her I liked her. I mean _really _liked her."

"And let me guess. She got all uncomfortable and standoffish."

"Yeah," the younger man replied despondently. "So, I asked her where she saw our relationship going."

Tony couldn't help it. He smacked himself in the forehead. "Oh, _no, _you didn't, McGee!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"So many things, Probie! Look, the number one rule of dealing with women is that you _never _let them know how much you care. Not before they tell you first. You have to stay in control at all times. Otherwise, they just take your heart and…" Tony had a painful flashback to his wedding, the one that never happened. He'd learned this lesson the hard way. If he could spare another man that sort of pain, well, wasn't it his _duty _to look out for his own?

"Rip it into teeny, tiny little pieces," McGee finished with uncharacteristic bitterness.

_Wow, the kid must've really, really liked Abby. _"You know what you have to do now, right?"

"N-No, not exactly…"

Tony very seriously looked him squarely in the eye and instructed, "You have to march down to that lab and show her you refuse to let it bother you. And then you find yourself a hot babe this weekend. Believe me, it helps." Tony had hung out with his own "hot babe" this past weekend, Adriana, in spite of having sort of broken up with her a while ago. After the couple of weeks he'd had, he'd needed something to lighten his mood and keep him from spending his weekend in that bottle of Scotch again. Adriana and "Halloween 8" had gotten him through it quite nicely.

"I don't want a hot babe, I want Abby!" Realizing what he'd just said, Tim quickly backpedaled. "I, I mean not that Abby's not a hot babe, cause she _is_."

"Oh, McGee, " Tony sighed. "You've gotta learn to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve." It was a lesson the older man knew applied to more than just love. In a way, he hated to see the relatively innocent young man before him become a seasoned federal agent. With it, he knew, came a certain painful hardening of one's emotions, and it seemed such a shame to lose the hopeful, idealistic young man Tim McGee was in that moment. Tony thought, with regret, that he didn't think he'd ever been that innocent. And certainly not into adulthood.

"I can't help it Tony. I'm not like you."

"No, I guess you're not," Tony said, suddenly wistful and more serious.

Not quite comfortable with how to react, McGee got up awkwardly to head back to the lab. "Thanks for the…Nutter Butter," he said politely.

"You're welcome, kid," Tony responded softly, but McGee was already gone.

* * *

"Is McGee down here? Gibbs is wondering if he made any progress with the, er,…hacking." Kate was still uncomfortable with some of her boss' more unconventional methods.

"No. Try the break room." Abby was unusually short with her friend. Kate flinched at the curt tone.

"Not going so well, huh?"

"He's rude and he's quiet and he's barely speaking to me! And I didn't do anything!"

"Oh, that is _so _like a man. Trying to manipulate you into changing your mind by being all pouty and hurt. But when you _want _them to talk to you, to show you a little emotion, well then they'd rather watch the football game, or….or, perform surgery, or…" Kate realized Abby had begun observing her rant with great interest.

"You and Dwayne having problems, too?"

Kate laughed, "That obvious?"

"Glad it's not just me. What's wrong with us?"

"Absolutely nothing. And don't let McGee push you into something you're not ready for either. You stand your ground! Don't let those….puppy dog eyes…bend you to his will. Cause that's _exactly _what he wants. That's what they all want. Just pretend he's DiNozzo."

"Timmy's not Tony, Kate."

"Hmm, no I suppose not." Now that she thought about it, McGee was an awfully sweet kid. She _did _kind of feel sorry for him. "Well, maybe you'll get a reprieve soon and we'll crack this case."

"Yeah, maybe." Except that now Abby wasn't so sure a _reprieve_ was what she wanted after all.

* * *

The next morning, Kate and Tony were in the bullpen, Gibbs having gone up to the Director's office to fill him in on the details of the suicide of Lieutenant Johnson.

"You think McGee and Abby are on speaking terms yet?" Tony asked, with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.

"None of our business, DiNozzo," Kate responded self-righteously, though she secretly planned to grill Abby as soon as they got a moment alone.

"Well, as much as I love Abby, she shouldn't have strung the poor kid along." Though he tried to keep the tone of his voice light for Kate's benefit, he truly believed his statement to be true.

Kate was equally convinced of her stance on the situation. "She wasn't 'stringing him along.' Why is it that men are allowed to have non-committal flings but women aren't? She shouldn't have to justify her every move."

"Oh, c'mon, Kate. It's always been obvious that McGee was crazy about Abby. She shouldn't have let it go on this long."

"You know, if McGee had been the one doing the 'stringing' you'd be singing a different song right about…."

"_Shhh!" _Tony had just spotted McGee and Abby getting off the elevator. Together.

When she saw her partner gaping towards the elevator, Kate couldn't resist turning around just in time of catching a very friendly hug between the forensic scientist and the probie agent. She turned around and looked at Tony, a question in her eyes which he merely answered with a confused shrug. Then he whispered, "McGee's on his way over here…."

"Well, guys, it's been a pleasure as always. Please tell Agent Gibbs how much I enjoyed working with you again." McGee was sporting a wide smile and a face that Tony thought with shock was practically glowing.

Kate recovered more quickly than her partner. "Yes, Agent McGee, we've enjoyed working with you too. Have a safe trip back to Norfolk."

"Thanks, Kate." As he turned his attention to Tony, the more senior agent beckoned him closer to his desk with a jerk of his head.

"What is it, Tony?"

"So, uh, looks like things are better with you and Abby." He leaned in closer and said so that Kate couldn't hear, "Did you do what I told you?"

"Uh, well, no not exactly."

"_No? _Well I don't get it. What changed then?"

McGee thought for a moment, and then responded with a single word.

"Poetry."


	25. Chapter 25 - Lessons and Goals

**Episode tag for "Reveille." **

**This is the last of the Season 1 set. I will probably start Season 2 as a new story, since the number of chapters is likely to become unwieldy otherwise. I'll call it "On It, Boss – Season 2" so it will be easy to find and will probably have the first chapter up around mid-week. **

**Thanks to everyone who continues to read, follow, and/or review! **

**Lessons and Goals**

Tony noticed a few curious stares as he stepped off the elevator into the bullpen a full hour-and-a-half early for the second day in a row. He couldn't blame his coworkers. He was not known for being a morning person, though his colleagues were also mostly unaware of his habit of coming in at often strange hours of the night to catch up on work. However, while his boss had been far easier to live with since learning that his so-called "terrorist," Ari Haswari, was in reality a Mossad double agent, DiNozzo also had the distinct impression that he was, nonetheless, still frantically paddling his way out of that well-known creek he'd been in since Ari had "abducted" his partner a few days prior. Therefore, he'd been careful to be on his very best behavior ever since, and that had included being extremely early for the past couple of days.

A glance at Gibbs' desk and the fresh cup of coffee sitting there told him that his boss was already in the office, and likely would be making an appearance very soon, since the man would not allow for a separation from his coffee for any long stretch of time. True to his prediction, he heard Gibbs' distinctive gait a couple of minutes later descending the steps behind him, coming either from a visit to MTAC or to the Director's office. Clearly Gibbs would not be sneaking up behind him this morning as he often did on other occasions when he was in a more playful mood; otherwise his descent from upstairs would have been far more stealthy. The thought occurred to Tony that, for once, he may have actually welcomed being startled had it meant that the events of a few days ago had at long last been forgotten.

Gibbs regarded his agent with interest, a very slight smile forming on his lips. There was one thing he could give DiNozzo credit for: he knew when he was in trouble and, contrary perhaps to the opinions of some of his colleagues, he _hated _it, particularly when the person he was in trouble with was Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Tony would do just about anything to get back into his good graces, and that was what he was counting on this morning. There were just a few items they needed to discuss before things could finally go back to some semblance of what the MCRT considered to be normal. _And DiNozzo's probably suffered enough. Time to let him get a good night's sleep again. _

Gibbs decided to open with the direct approach, colored with just a touch of DiNozzo's version of humor. He sat down at his desk, fixed Tony with one of his lower-intensity glares, and said, "_Moby Dick, _DiNozzo? Or should I call you Ishmael?" to get the conversation started.

Tony looked up suddenly and Gibbs very nearly laughed out loud at the startled and slightly confused expression which briefly crossed the younger man's features. "It seemed appropriate at the time, Boss. You have to admit – you did go a little Captain Ahab on us there." Tony then made an attempt at one of his most charming and innocent mega-watt smiles.

But Gibbs didn't soften the glare, not just yet. "And you still thought I was overreacting after you found out Haswari had Kate, did you, Tony?"

"Well, n-not _exactly,_no. You were, of course, right, Boss. Sort of."

The glare hardened. "_Sort _of?"

"He's Mossad! And he didn't hurt Kate, so maybe she was right about him."

_So he did know about Kate not being able to stab Haswari in autopsy. _Another thing they were going to discuss, but first things first. "So, in your opinion, that makes everything okay."

"I didn't say that."

"No? Well that's good, DiNozzo. Did Kate happen to tell you about your new girlfriend's special plans for _you_?"

Tony's stomach sank just a bit at the reference to Marta, the beautiful Swede he had since learned had been with the Hamas cell. He'd hoped Gibbs was unaware of his brief dalliance with her, but that was unrealistic since Gibbs had a way of finding out anything and everything, particularly those things Tony really did not want him to know about. "You mean, Marta?"

"Marta? Yes, Tony, _Marta _planned to put a bullet in the back of your head during the little 'date' you had planned. You know, the one you wanted to keep instead of helping McGee track down Haswari's identity?" Initially Gibbs had insisted on calling him Ari, but upon finding out the man was actually with Mossad had reverted back to using his last name instead.

"But that wouldn't have happened, because Ari – uh, _Haswari_ – was planning to thwart their plans all along."

"Yeah, DiNozzo? What if he had failed? Then what?" Gibbs fought the images from his recent nightmares that were currently assaulting his mind. It was the same dream each time, except that the identity of the person in the body bag kept changing. Most of the time it was Kate, but he'd also imagined Tony, Ducky, and even Abby in her place, each of them with a single bullet wound to the forehead.

Tony had no answer for his questions this time, so he continued. "You don't think Haswari's prepared for some 'collateral damage'? Don't think you or Kate wouldn't have been expendable. Or have you forgotten what he did to Gerald to maintain his cover?"

This time Tony answered with sincerity, "No, Boss, I can assure you I haven't forgotten."

"I'm glad to hear it, but maybe you can answer one more question for me. Why did you not see fit to tell me that Kate hesitated when she had a chance to go after Haswari in autopsy?" _At least DiNozzo has the good sense to look guilty._

"I didn't think it mattered anymore. Neither one of us thought we'd ever see him again, Boss. And you were already distracted enough."

Now Gibbs felt just a small pang of guilt. Certainly he'd been right to be concerned about Haswari, but there had been times when he knew he'd let his quest get in the way of important things. He'd ignored Pacci's request for assistance and he'd stupidly sent Tony out to shadow a suspect without any backup, nearly getting him killed. He would never admit as much to the younger man, but he respected Tony's willingness to stand up to him when he thought he'd taken things too far. Still, keeping secrets like this from him was not acceptable.

The Lead Agent intentionally eased his glare and relaxed his posture. Now that he had Tony's full attention, there was something else he had been leading into, but he wanted the younger man to hear him in a less confrontational atmosphere.

"Tony, if this is going to be a four-person team, I'm eventually gonna need a Senior Field Agent. "

DiNozzo's eyes lit up at the mere mention of the term "Senior Field Agent." Ever since he'd learned that Stan Burley had held that position on Gibbs' team, he'd been wondering how to attain that status himself. "I've been here the longest, Boss. I'd love to be your Senior Field Agent," he said hopefully.

Gibbs bit back a smile at the younger man's eagerness. "I know you would, DiNozzo. But you're not quite ready yet." It was difficult to ignore the way the younger man deflated at his words, but Gibbs continued, hoping that what he had to say next would bring back at least some of the previous enthusiasm.

"I have to know that my Senior Field Agent is going to act in the best interests of the team. That means, for one thing, not keeping things from me that I need to know. Like with Kate. Even if that means your teammates temporarily don't like you for it. It's not about being liked, it's about being respected."

Tony nodded his understanding, though still wearing the same expression of disappointment.

"I also need to know that my other agents will take direction from my Senior Field Agent. I can't be everywhere. There has to be someone I can depend on to handle things when I'm not there." Tony was still nodding, but with downcast eyes and a lack of understanding as to where Gibbs was heading with this, obviously thinking the older man was simply explaining why he was rejecting him for the position.

"_Tony. _Look at me." A pair of green eyes slowly rose to meet his own. "I need to see that you can earn the respect of Kate and McGee, at least enough to know they'll follow your lead when I'm not around. And I need to be able to trust you to tell me what I need to know. _Everything _I need to know. You show me you can do those things, then we'll talk about making you Senior Field Agent. Got it?"

Understanding started to dawn on his agent's face as his eyes brightened once again, though perhaps not quite up to the level of their previous excitement. "Got it, Boss. I can do this. I won't let you down."

"Good."

There was a moment of silence before another realization hit DiNozzo. "Wait a minute, Boss. You said McGee. And a four-person team. Is there something I don't know about?"

Now Gibbs smiled openly. He'd wondered how long it was going to take the younger man to catch on. "I just met with the Director. Told him what a great job Agent McGee's been doing. Especially with helping to identify Haswari. He's trying to find room in the budget for us to add another agent to the team, probably in a few months. Meanwhile, we'll continue to use McGee's services here and there."

The news did not come as a complete surprise to Tony. After all, hadn't that sort of been the plan all along? _His _plan, at that. However, in spite of the confidence he had in McGee's abilities and even the personal liking he'd taken to the younger man, Tony couldn't ignore the surge of jealousy he felt at the mention of the probie agent joining their team on a permanent basis. He remembered the image of McGee sitting at Gibbs' desk, receiving a pat on the head and a "good job" a few weeks ago. And then again just days ago, receiving a "that's great work, McGee" from Gibbs after finally identifying Ari Haswari. Not to mention the image of McGee sitting at his own desk, in his place after he'd been missing, and the misfired "joke" his boss had played on him when he'd returned. _No, no, no, DiNozzo. Get a grip on the stupid jealousy. You're the one that wanted McGee on the team to begin with, remember?_

"There a problem, DiNozzo? Cause if there is, now's the time to bring it up." Gibbs, with his ever observant eyes and increasing ability to read the younger man's variety of expressions, didn't miss the conflicting reactions passing across Tony's face. _Still with the insecurity, Tony? We're gonna have to do something about that, too._

"No, Boss, no problem. That's great news. Really." Tony tried to put as much authentic enthusiasm into the statement as possible. He truly _was _happy at the idea of having McGee on the team. Mostly. He tried to focus on the fun he'd have hazing the probie agent. And training him. And finally having another guy on the team to offset Kate.

Gibbs gave a brief nod of acknowledgement. "This is just between us for now, DiNozzo. It's not quite official yet. So keep it to yourself. Understood?"

"Understood, Boss." _In other words, don't tell Kate or Abby or Ducky. Or anybody. Cause Gibbs needs to know he can trust me. And I'm going to prove to him that he can._

"Alright. Going to get more coffee before Kate gets here. " _From the looks of DiNozzo this morning,_ _guess I better get some for him too. _

Tony watched carefully until his boss was safely in the elevator and the doors closed behind him. Then he drew out his notebook from his desk drawer. The personal one he used to make notes for himself of things he needed to remember to do or projects he'd work on when he had the time. He opened to a blank page, jotted down a few words, appraised them with satisfaction, and then returned the notebook to its home.

_Anthony D. DiNozzo, Senior Field Agent, MCRT._


End file.
